Falice: Overboard

3

"Shit, FP--you lost all your tools?" 

"Yeah! Damn woman threw the whole box into the water. Managed to salvage a few, but, still...I can't believe it!"

FP was over at his best friend Fred's house, and he filled him in on the horror story that was Alice Cooper and her damn closet. The two men worked construction together, but both of them had much bigger plans of becoming entrepreneurs. Their current idea was opening up a unique  miniature golf course, they just had to figure out how to fund it. 

"Hey, once we figure out this golf course thing, we won't need to worry about tools anymore," Fred says with a smirk. 

FP sighs, "Yeah, if we only had the money to do it, Freddy." 

"We will. Something big is gonna happen, FP. I can feel it."

***

"Why do you care about what some Riverdale carpenter thinks about you, darling?" 

"I don't know, mummy. I'm probably just pre-menstrual." 

Alice was on the phone with her mother, Edith, who was currently sitting in her New York penthouse, sipping on a glass of champagne and watching her maid feed her dog Mitzy. 

"Harold brought up having a baby again," Alice whines into the phone. She was not too keen on having children, and assumed Hal thought the same, until the topic was brought up on multiple occasions.

"If you have a baby, you won't be the baby anymore, now will you?" her mother reasons.

Alice sighs, "Yes, I suppose you're right. Well, goodbye for now, mummy."

***

FP's beat up old pick-up truck pulls into his driveway, just as a middle aged lady is running out of his trailer, toilet paper and silly string stuck to her.

"Mr. Jones?!" the lady shouts, as he gets out of his truck, a bit surprised to see her come out of his home. 

"Yes? I'm FP Jones. Is there a problem, ma'am?"

The lady picks off some of the toilet paper that was draped on her, "Your children! I'm Mrs. Burbridge, from Riverdale elementary school. Your children need discipline!"

"Hey, you don't have to tell me my kids are lucky," he jokes, unfortunately not getting the reaction out of her that he hoped to get.

She sighs, "Where is Mrs. Jones when all of this is going on? I thought I'd stop out to talk with the two of you--"

"She died. Three years ago now."

Mrs. Burbridge nods slowly, "Oh, well, I'm very sorry. But, I cannot let this horrendous behavior continue on in my school! Get your kids under control Mr. Jones!"

FP sighs, running a hand through his hair. He did not need this right now. "Listen, I'll talk to them, okay? I'm new to the area, I'm trying to get work lined up, just--just give me a chance. I'm a good father!" he shouts as she gets in her car and drives away.

"Ehhh, what do you know?" he mutters, winding up and kicking a rubber dodgeball that was left in the driveway.

***

"How can you possibly be on your period every night, muffin?!" Hal asks perplexed, as he lays in bed with her, watching America's Top Ten Yachts on television. 

Alice just waves him off, pumping a bit of hand lotion into her palm. She notices almost instantly she isn't wearing her wedding ring. 

"Harold? I left my wedding ring on the deck. Go get it," she pouts. 

He grunts, turning up the volume on the TV, "It's nearly midnight!"

"I want it."

"Then go out there and get it!" he states firmly, making it clear he was not going to fetch it for her. 

Alice rolls out of bed angrily, grabbing a satin robe from the chair and slipping it on. "Fine!" 

She waltzes out onto the deck, noticing the yacht was really rocking against the waves that night. 

As she looks around for her ring, she has to grab the railing from tipping over. "Jesus! Can't you people even drive this thing correctly?!" 

Eventually she spots the large diamond ring and goes to grab it, knocking it off the table in the process, "Shit," she mutters, reaching down for it, suddenly loosing her balance.

She gasps and attempts to hang onto the railing, "Harold! Harold! Andrew! Help!" 

Alice's hold on the railing gives out, and she finds herself falling down into the water below. "Help! HAROLD!" she screams, only causing Hal to turn the TV up louder, assuming she was just bitching about something he didn't really care to hear about. 

"Oh no! Oh no! My hair..." she whines, finding herself drifting further and further from the safety of the only life she ever knew.