dear family, and friends:
I know it should be easy enough, right? Life should just be a breeeze, but for me. For me, it is so much more. So much pain, so much hate for me. The constant days of being tortured, and ridiculed for daily things was too much, and I think I finally had enough.
Many of you reading this may think that I am a victim of bullying, but it is worse, so much worse.
For the people who don't know me, who will eventually read this; I am a victim of skitzofrenia...
This disease has taken over my life, and left me beaten and paralized from thinking out loud anymore. This disease, no this monster has constantly killed me throughout the years, leaving my brain black and blue from all the thought.
Killing me from all of the critical little thoughts the... The hate, the pure, unadulterated hate.
The same feeling that consumed my life was the same as the hate for every single rapist on the face of the earth.
"this day will be better." I always told myself in the mornings before school.
"Maybe this day I can be-"
"shut UP!"
"normal..."
"maybe I-" "will you honestly just make the world better and end it all?!"
"will."
That is what I will do- "have to" -have to do.
I told myself from that day in fifth grade that I heard another voice, I told myself I will be ok.
I WILL BE FINE!
But the voices continued, and mocked but for as many as I heard... Not one of them was a friend telling me that it was going to be alright.
Not any fucking one of them.
"I constantly heard-"
"Felt"
"FELT THESE DAMN VOICES!"
But none if them was ever a loved one saying that I was actually living through this hell. Not any of them were voices that spoke words of comfort through my cold blooded veins.
"If only you knew."
"If only you would stop."
"If only-"
Was the last phrase I have ever spoken before I did the world a favor and ended it all.
Goodbye my "friends"
-the only "love" I was ever shown.
AKA: me
