Shadowlights ; Minsung

uno

in high school, i was a kid that always searched for trouble. distracting me from problems i only confronted when being safe in my hideout, i never tried to hold back the anger boiling under my skin. i had quite a few people that... weren't really fond of me. i didn't like them either, it rested on mutuality.

there wasn't really a day bruises didn't litter my limbs, turning my skin in an unbelievable beautiful masterpiece.
nobody around me liked my art, though. so i was alone once again, the blue and gray floating around me, caressing my hands and head, never letting anyone through they didn't trust. therefore Minho being the only one privileged touching me with more than just hatred; although i've never been sure what other sensation tinged his eyes darker, never sure what made his fists just that tad softer and his eyes just that tad lighter. maybe it were those moments in the crowded hallway, when his gaze lingered just that little bit longer on me than it was supposed to. or it were those moments when his hand landed on my shoulder, shoving me against my locker, his lips more than a ghost on mine, always tasting like blood.
but i've never understood the color floating around his head, the tingling where his hands touched me with more than a clenched fist.
i've never understood people in general, they have always remained an unsolved mystery to me.
just like the potpourri written with a dying black pencil on already dead wood in my hideout.

*･☪︎·̩͙

the world was quiet when i was woken up from my restless slumber this morning. nothing more than faint raindrops hitting the surface of my dirty skylight window reached my seemingly deaf ears, though those pathetic droplets did nothing to clean those miserable and broken dreams off the only window that allowed me the view of my future.
thinking of it, i have never been one who looked through that glass with delight anyways, so i once again avoided my thoughts drifting to that specific place. instead i reached my crooked fingers to the only source lighting up my room on such a quiet day, pulling out its energy and letting the darkness engulf my humble room.
i wasn't in the mood to face the present today, either.

wandering around my apartment colored in blackness used to be a challenge for me i confronted at least once a week, though i've quickly gotten used to bumping my feet at everything and anything and nearly falling over something i've thrown to the floor some time ago on my way to the kitchen and back into the comforting silence of my bedroom. it was a daily routine i was so accustomed to, even my colors left me alone for that little of time, rather taking a rest in the depths of the hollowness.
it was one of those lazy days during the week when just nothing seemed to get me out of my bed except this inner voice telling me i can't skip work, no matter how huge the urge is to just throw myself back into the cushions of my old bed, shuddering because of the screech that it produces due to the sudden weight.

so boiling the hot water for my tea to at least wake me up a little bit, i couldn't help myself but think about how off this day felt like already. it's like my colors are creeping up behind me with this shuddering sensation of a turning point mixing up my routine i was so used to.
i didn't want to leave my house with this anxiety lurking over my shoulder so blood covetous, didn't feel safe at all to leave my comforting four walls, although i knew i couldn't stay here without blaming myself later on. so i grabbed my tea and stepped over the threshold of my apartment with trembling fingers and a fuzzy mind, making my way through Seouls gray morning streets.

*･☪︎·̩͙

my mind has never forgotten that someone who was let through my colors, who was the only one privileged to touch me with more than just hatred, although never sure why my eyes were only focused on him and why my hands were so keen on feeling every inch of his skin where his sweaters tended to slip off his shoulder. my mind never forgot Minho, so to say i was taken aback as soon as my eyes landed on him after so many years of nothing was an understatement.