Shadowlights ; Minsung

tre

after that day, Minho seemed to come by more often. was it just him standing outside of the shop, studying the delicate petals of my autumn flowers and thinking i wouldn't notice him glancing through the window into the shop every so often, or was it him actually stepping over the threshold with a quiet "Ting-A-Ling!" to wander through the aisles and bath in the scent my darlings gave him full of pride. they slowly got used to his presence but i still didn't. and i doubted i ever will.
he never really seemed to have a specific request when he came by, though he never went out with empty hands either. my flowers were just too enticing to walk away without tasting even a little bit of them.

and one day he stepped up to my counter, staring at me with those soft brown eyes like he had done so often in the past few weeks, though now they seemed to be full of a potpourri like the mine i got so used to because of his presence, like a fight of light and shadow in his eyes, making them dull and letting a gray escape to accompany the melodies coming from my speaker. i've never seen such a conflicting gaze in his eyes before, not even after the first time his fist met my body.

*･☪︎·̩͙

after the first and last time Minho looked at me with this pastel pink surrounding him, eyeing me with this gaze as if i was something that breaks so easily, i started my masterpiece.
soon the naive green changed to a dull blue and gray, surrounding me in the intention to never let anyone through again that hasn't in mind to help me complete my artwork. it was a coping mechanism i wasn't really proud of, though it helped where it should and that was everything i was asking for.

i haven't met Minho even one single time in those few weeks when i began making people fear my name and step back as soon as they heard my growling voice. it was a welcome break from the constant nagging of the older students, because even those seemed to stay out of my field of vision, rather sparing their skin from blue and purple colors decorating it. it was kind of ridiculous, thinking of it. they bullied those who were toothless but stayed hidden when they threatened to get even the tiniest scar.

only around one month after our last encounter was it that Minho stepped into my life again. it was a time where i've already forgotten how my skin looked like without bruises and scars littering it, a time where i've even forgotten to breathe properly at some point. i was desperate and i was mad, and those two things never went well together.

i actually couldn't remember anymore how it truly started, how the colors around me formed a big bubble, just encircling the both of us, letting everyone know to stay away. because it was a time where i've stopped listening to my brain, where i just lived without regretting.
i still remember the look in Minho's eyes, though. the soft brown was gone, replaced by a dark color i couldn't decipher, and the crinkle under his eyes rather equalled a furious wrinkle, the softness completely missing. i've never seen Minho like this, it was like looking a stranger in the eyes rather than someone you secretly watched every free second. maybe that was the reason why it was so easy for me to throw my fist at him, treating him like everyone else that stepped into my way, though still a little bit different. and it felt just so exhilarating as his knuckles met my bare skin, leaving behind a tingling sensation i couldn't tell the meaning off.
i've always loved the brushstrokes Minho added to my masterpiece the most.

*･☪︎·̩͙

after this vulnerable look he shot me over the counter, even the last of all the doubts that he maybe has forgotten the boy that has only brought pain to him back in high school vanished. maybe it was because he wanted me to, but his gaze just wrote a thousand books i could read without a single question.
though the gray accompanying the sounds floating through my flower shop soon turned to pastel pink again and his mind closed itself afresh, adamant on not letting me through anymore like he did in this fleeting moment.

i don't know what exactly he wanted to accomplish with this sorrowful outburst, but i think he succeeded in it nonetheless. i averted my gaze after this, not knowing how to react to a person laying all their cards onto the table. i wasn't used to people opening themselves in front of me, have i always been too overwhelmed with human's emotions since i was a kid. so i started fidgeting with my fingers to avert my thoughts tumbling over each other, till a trembling hand found its place on mine. i was too shy to raise my head and look the only person that succeeded in breaking through to me into the eyes, but i didn't need to anyways, because my hands soon feeling as cold as they've never done before, i watched the absence of a touch that shouldn't make me feel like it did.
it was the first time Minho left my flower shop with empty hands.

*･☪︎·̩͙

after my first fight with Minho, i fled from everyone's eyes watching me; they just made me feel so naked again like they've lastly done a month ago, when i was still a pathetic broken kid. i didn't know what made the fight with Minho end so differently, didn't know what made my skin tingle like the brightest colors were caressing it. but i knew that he was the first person that made me feel like that. and i kind of knew as well that there probably won't be another person that'll make my thoughts collide like him.

so fleeting from their raw gazes, i found my way behind the school building, where nature did what it wanted and where human hands decided they wouldn't interfere no longer. behind in this overgrown shambles i found an abandoned hut, too old and rotten to still guess its use back in the days, but still stable enough to explore its memories it held between its dead wood, to absorb the colors those energetic and content kids left behind on their best days.
so my hand reaching out to the wet wood, it was a silent day today where the rain hit the floor in a steady rhythm and the world held its breath, i stepped over the threshold into an older world. i felt a gaze on me as i left my world, though it didn't feel like the naked looks those gawping schoolfellows threw at me like it was nothing, it rather felt comforting in a peculiar kind of way.
though forgetting this feeling as soon as my feet stepped on the creaking old wood, i found myself enamoured in the beauty this place held.
it didn't take long till i've chosen this place as something that could welcome me as soon as humans started to scare me again.

letting my crooked fingers wander over the rough surface of the dead wood after my eyes scanned every corner of the hut, i soon found a place that caught my interest. the wall of dead wood carried a black potpourri of nearly illegible sentences, often making less sense than they probably should.
i thought they belonged to a person that was here a long time ago, as it was still a buzzing hut on the high school property. though after i left my tumbling green thoughts back on this wall like this other person did such a seemingly long time ago, and i left the hideout with a content feeling in my chest, a black shadow flit through the creaking door into an older world.

*･☪︎·̩͙

Minho continued visiting my flower shop like he did before, though this burdensome black cloud refused to stop casting shadows over his once soft features. now he looked so gray, ashes found a place on crinkles only a man that has smiled a thousand smiles a thousand years ago should have. i was worried; my heart couldn't help but stop with grief every time Minho stepped through the door, but i knew he wouldn't talk to me, no matter how often i'd ask.

i actually couldn't really remember when i've last heard Minho's voice. when he wandered around the aisles, i never received anything else than silence. though it was okay. i wasn't a person of big words either and the silence that engulfed us, only disturbed by the soft sounds escaping my speakers, floating around my darlings, was something that gave me ease and comfort. so i bathed in it nearly every day while watching Minho as he talked to my darlings through gazes covered in an unknown glint. he took a liking to my spring flowers it seemed, because they received the most affection of that beautiful man as he caressed their delicate petals with such deep care.
i couldn't help myself but let the gaze that found him every so often turn unbelievably soft and my fingers twitch in anticipation to touch him again like they used to back in high school.