𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐬 | 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝

31. sad

"i- i- what? what do you mean? she- she told me that she was going to be in your room and i- i came her to apologise to her but she isn't eve-" Hannah cut me off by hugging me. "don't worry, she'll turn up soon".

i checked all the places she could be, she's no where to be found. i even hesitated to call the police but i didn't know yet. i went back into the room to catch a breath, i wanted to go wash my face in the bathroom but a blade covered in blood was in the sink, droplets of blood around it. has she been cutting again?.

tw: self harm and suicide, please skip if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Olivia's POV
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i came back from the outing with the girls, i took off his hoodie, i wrote a letter and went into the bathroom and i saw Jaden's razor blade, without hesitation i picked it up and dragged the cold piece of metal through my skin. agony, groans escaped my mouth, blood dripping down from my wrist. pleasure, guilt, sadness, relaxation all came from it, like that was all i needed, just to hurt myself. i decided to end it once and for all, i dropped the blade into the sink and went over to my bag to get bandages then i was on my way.

its done, you can continue reading now.

i found a nearby cliff, i looked down and thought if i fell would it be enough damage to kill me? while i was thinking my phone kept on ringing and buzzing from people wanting to know where i am. i took a moment to remember everything that happened in my life before i take it away. i see Jaden ringing my phone but i sent him to voicemail, i thought for a second that i should listen to it and so i did. i sat on the ground and pressed play:

"hey Olivia, if you listen to this please, please call me back. all of us are sitting in one room worried sick about you, we want you back, we want to see you again. i know you're pretty stubborn and you need some more convincing, you've always been like that. remember that time when you were five and i was six? i asked you for MY teddy bear back but you wouldn't give it to me? or that time when it was mom's birthday and we were fighting over who was gonna give her the card and who was gonna give her the gift? hell, forget about stubbornness, remember that time when i taught you how to ride a bicycle? how you wouldn't let go of me but eventually you did and learned? or that time we got to go out together without our parents? your first crush, relationship, heartbreak and how i wanted to beat them all to death when they made you sad? how you made my life 10x fucking better? how i was always overprotective of you even if you hated it? cause you are my sister and fuck, you have no idea how much i fucking love you. just- just please come back" i heard sniffling at the end while his voice cracked.

i sat there crying like an idiot contemplating whether i should go back or just fucking end my misery. i thought of all the main people who impacted my life:

Anthony:
i always felt loved around him, like he has this vibe and it just instantly puts a smile to your face. i miss him like fuck, his hugs, his kisses, his cuddles. i just felt safer around him. i wanted to be around him all the time. the times we would fall asleep on facetime and wake up to him sleeping peacefully always with a smile on his face. he can be immature sometimes but fuck, everyone is right?

Chase:
we've been through so much together. i helped him through his break up with this girl, he was a fucking mess but i always seemed to put a smile on his face. even though we lived in different states, we still remained closer than ever. and yes the fight did hurt my emotions but its just because he cared about me, yea he should've portrayed it other than physically abusing someone but he was still an amazing boyfriend and friend when we get things sorted out.

Payton:
this might sound like a cliché but he added me into a random group chat since my phone number was similar to Chase's and honestly im glad he did cause then i wouldn't have such amazing friends. i dont know what i would've done without him. he's one of the best things thats ever happened in my life and i love him more than he could imagine.

Avani:
she is my first ever female best friend. we've been through everything together. our first kiss, first party, first drink, first relationship, first everything. she's my day one and i can't imagine it any other way. she understands me more than anyone else and i love her so goddamn much. she knows every single thing about me and i know everything about her. hell she was there when i found out i was pregnant. she means the world to me.

Noen:
he was my neighbour so we got to know each other from there. we used to have sleepovers every single weekend. we always wanted to travel the world together. even though he was my first male best friend, i felt more comfortable around him, like i could tell him everything. since he moved we kinda grew apart but hey, we're still friends. we always just clicked.

•••

i sat there for what must've been hours since the sun seemed to be setting down. i decided to give life another try as i was walking my way back to the hotel. i got to the floor and i felt my legs not work anymore, like they just wanted to give up and shut down. i felt weak, useless, like i have nothing to offer to the world. so i just fell to the ground, my back against the wall, my arms around my legs and my face on my knees sobbing my eyes out.

i heard the door open, "im fucking telling you guys we need to call the police. i honestly dont care if it takes fucking weeks, we're finding her. i miss her more than anything in the world" Anthony started yelling. i lifted my head up to see him with puffy eyes, red nose and chapped lips.

"Olivia" he said softly as he saw me. he helped me stand up and held me in his arms for god knows how long, i enjoyed it, it was a comfortable silence. "Anthony what the fuck is taking so lon-" Payton cut himself off, "Liv- is that really you?" he stuttered joining the hug. i entered the room where everyone is, everyone just got up and hugged me except Noen, he sat there tapping his foot fast on the ground with his hands on his head.

he looked up, "Lia" he said softly hurrying to hug me, he's not one to give tight hugs but this one was for sure the tightest. he whispered in my ear in a deep raspy voice, "fuck i missed you so much. please dont ever leave again". i nodded and continued hugging until i heard Jaden fake cough from behind. "Jadey" i said running towards him giving him a bear hug. it lasted a while until he pulled away, he cupped my face and said "Livia, where were you? you had us worried sick to our stomachs"

"i honestly just needed some time away from everyone, to think things over with myself. im sorry" i replied.

"you dont need to apologise, I'm just happy that you're here now, with us" he said hugging me again. i nodded.

Noen looked at me and mouthed "i know you cut", my eyes widened, "please don't say anything" i mouthed back as he nodded.

shit, Vidcon is tomorrow, how did i forget. can i go? do i have the right mental state of mind? you know what, fuck it, im going. my phone rang which made me snap out of my thoughts, it was my mom. does she know about what happened or?

i answered the phone.