Will Newman's last days FIVE FEET APART

I Can't Help You

Will's pov

"Well," I muttered, trying to cover myself with the blanket, hoping to avoid her seeing my body, which was much skinnier than before, even though they had been inserting tons more of calories in me, and I had tried (and failed, to be completely honest) to eat more. Damn those unable-to-absorb-nutrients organs of mine. "shit."

Stella nodded faintly as if she were taking my image in, her mouth slightly parted and her eyes fixed in nowhere. "Shit." she repeated after me, as if to describe what she was seeing.

"I'm sorry, errr, I don't know what to say." I mumbled, really bamboozled, words getting lost in my throat.

"I... I've missed you. I wanted to die when you left. I loved you. I felt abandoned. But I know you did it for me. And that's something I can never repay. I... I still love you."

"I... Missed you, too." I blinked fast and hard, if she hadn't cried, neither was I. "I thought about you everyday, I read your messages and listened to your voicemails. I couldn't answer, though. I wanted to avoid" I sighed, "well, this. This situation. You HAD to get better. I couldn't risk it."

She edged closer to me, but took a step back, as if remembering that she couldn't be close to me. "But I'm better now, no more mucus in my lungs!" she grinned widely. "I mean, yeah, I still got 'em on my pancreas, liver and other places," she dismissed it with her hand as if it were nothing. "but I feel better. I wanna be with you!" she grabbed her own hand, as if to stop herself from holding mine. "till we're gray and old." the warmth she oozed made me feel butterflies all over. I know why I loved her. Stella wasn't a person, she was a lifestyle, a mood, a warm cup of hot chocolate on a snowy, cold day.

"I... I missed you so much." I broke down in cracked sobs, my weak frame shaking pathetically. "I... Dreamed of you, I drew you everyday. I wanted you to come, but I couldn't do that to you. I wanted you to move on, to be better without me..." I covered my face in embarrassment as I continued to sob.

Barb shifted uncomfortably by my side, not having said a word in the entire conversation, and patted my shoulder.

"I'm gonna go, okay my children?" she smiled briefly and left, not wanting to interrupt out moment but not wanting to be an intruder either.

"Thank you, Barb." we said at the same time.

When I looked back at Stella I saw that she had big, fat tears flowing out of her eyes, as she tried to cry softly.

"Are you crying Stella?" I asked, only to be bamboozled at the stupidity of my question.

"I wanted you to cry before me." she smiled, chuckled and sobbed at the same time. "I don't know how I resisted!" she laughed sadly.

"Till we're gray and old, okay?" she said, her eyes piercing my soul.

"I don't think... I don't think I'm going to make it till I'm grey and old." muttered.

She broke down and dropped to the floor. "I know. But... Try? Please?" she whispered.

I opened my mouth to answer, but I choked on a sob and started coughing AGAIN. It hadn't even been 10 minutes! I was exasperated, which only made the coughing worse, and I got scared when my chest started hurting for real. My vision went back, the corners of my eyes fading in blurriness. And then everything went black.

Stella's pov

I screamed and ran down the hall, calling for Barb, or really anyone who could help me, after pressing the button in Will's room. Panic was cursing through my veins, making my heart beat at an incredibly fast pace.

I was starting to get dizzy, so I returned to Will's room and sat down in a corner, back glued to the wall as I rocked myself.

I felt so calm, even though there were people running around yelling "CODE BLUE!" which my brain faintly reminded me that that meant a patient wasn't breathing. I heard sobs and yells and footsteps. Someone grabbed me by the arm and put me outside, where I layed in the floor, eyes open, without blinking, as if my body had forgotten how to function.

I felt immersed in worry, for Will, of course, but felt nothing at the same time, as if my mind were blocked. I stayed still as a mannequin, felt like one, too.

I then heard coughing, rattling coughing, that sounded as a person dying, but was more like the opposite, as it was followed by cheering and sobs, but this time, 'happy' sobs.

Then I heard someone throw up, still Will, but that didn't stop the cheering. They'd saved a life. Will's life. I had never gotten over it. And here I was. My mind still blocked.

But then I heard a whisper, that had somehow cut through all of the noise that my ears hadn't been able to distinguish.

"Stella." it was him. My mind suddenly started working again, and I shot up to my feet, to touch him, to see him, I entered the room.

He was covered in phlegm and vomit, but looked beautiful. His hair was soaked in sweat, and he looked limp and pale. But he was alive.

"Will." I whispered back, realizing everyone in the room had gone quiet, waiting for us to reunite, though I knew that if I got too close to him they'd stop me.

I didn't care. I had to touch him. I took a step towards him, wanting to caress his face, feel his cheek under my hand.

I fantasized with his skin, his smell, his hair. His lips, now stained with all sorts of disgusting substances, looked more appealing than ever. They were slightly parted. His breath loud, the only sound that filled the room.

I took another step, and another, and another. We were now at 6 feet of distance. Another step and I'd be nearly at five. I took the step. I wanted to take another, but a hand landed in my shoulder and I turned to see who was the person who had interrupted one of what I felt was the most important moments of my life.

It was Barb. She had tears streaming down her face, she didn't wanna do this, but she had to. I was risking everything. I had healthy lungs at the moment. I couldn't risk them. I stared at her for a second before letting myself accept that I was never gonna touch the person I loved.

I sat down on the floor, tucking my head underneath my hands. A sigh escaped my lips. A strong doctor grabbed me between his arms and placed me on the couch-chair Will had in his room. I could feel Will's eyes on me, I knew he would've loved to be the doctor who grabbed me in his arms, or the nurse who covered me with a blanket.

But instead he had to stay still in his bed, breathing labored under the oxygen mask, and suffered through uncountable tests and trials to make sure he was okay.

I watched at first, but then the stress of the situation I had lived caught up with me, so I let my mind drift of to a shallow slumber, so I was rested for my next interaction with my loved one, who I was not leaving until the day of my death. Or worse, his.

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Oh, ma gaaaad. I'm done with this chapter! It's the longest chapter I've ever written, with almost 1300 words, which is almost double of what I usually write. I got a nice comment on this fic, so I decided to write extra. I'll be updating within the next two days, if anyone's interested. Also, I did a ton of research of cf for this, I hope u can tell. Thx for reading!