i'm at another party. i told them that i'd try to sober up. i really want to, but with my anxiety and these withdrawals i can't... it's too hard.
i stare at the five lines of cocaine, the LSD stamps, the xanny, and the liquor in front of me. normally, i'd snort one or two lines, take that xan mighty quick and wash it down with the liquor. i'd never really ever done acid.
and i don't plan on it either.
"y/n, you gonna get in on this shit?" someone asked me.
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"i'm not really in the mood right now." "oh, that's ok. i grabbed a blunt off of the table and sat on the porch outside.
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no one else was out there with me. i lit up the blunt and started smoking it. hey, a little cannabis never hurt anyone.
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"hey," some random girl said. "hi... wanna get high?" i asked, offering her a hit on my blunt. "um," she chuckled, "didn't you just get out of rehab?" "...yeah." "should i be worried?"
"maybe. i'm y/n," i told her, holding out my hand, "jules." she said shaking it.
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"you're pretty interesting. let's be friends." i said. we'd just told each other our whole live stories. why is it that it's so much easier to tell a complete stranger what you're going through and how you're feeling?
i'll never understand that.
"yeah.. that'd be nice," she said while taking a peak at her watch, "SHIT! i have to get home! um, bye y/n. i'll see you later!" she yelled frantically while biking away.
"the fuck...?" i said, chuckling to myself. i also checked the time. it was 2:47 am.
i thought that i should get going as well. i decided to call up damian. "hello?" he asked groggily. "oh, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to wake you. i just needed a ride from this party. and no, don't worry, i didn't pop any pills, sniff any lines, or drink anything." i assured him.
i heard some shuffling and then he decided to speak up. "send me your location. i'm on my way." he said before hanging up.
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"hi there..." i said while getting into his car. "tch." "well shit..." "anyways... what were you up to, stark?" he asked. "well damn, we're back on a last name basis?"
he started to drive
"tch." "ok, ok, ok. i was just thinkin'." i told him. "about what?"
"about life. like, my purpose and shit you know. it's just... i dream so much and i just can't seem to find an answer to what i'm looking for, in general. i can't keep living like this it's breaking my heart, day by day i mean, who's to say... who's to say you find an answer when living? what if you just die? what if life as we know it is all a game? what if we live for no reason? what if you just disappear when you die? should I cling to life or should I just kill myself? so many contradictions, contemplations it's getting harder and harder to mask my pain. i can't tell if I wanna live or if I wanna die. please, save me."
"y/n-" "like i've been thinkin' about it for a while. i've never actually tried to kill myself. i have swallowed those pills and hoped that my kidney failed and it killed me. i have smoked cigarettes hoping that i'd get lung cancer and fucking die. i have partied all night every night, rarely sleeping, hoping that the exhaustion would kill me. i haven't necessarily been trying to die. i just haven't been putting in effort to living recently."
"y/n, stop and listen to me," he said pulling over to the side of the road stopping the car, "you have so much ahead of you. you're the brightest person i know and you have so much potential. you can't give up."
i cracked a smile. "i know... that's why i'm trying to stop. awww, you really care about me." "tch, don't make it sentimental."
i reached over to his seat and let it recline. i then sat on top of me. "tch, what are you doing, stark?" "i want you to admit that somewhere in that mean assassin heart, you care about lil' ol' me."
"get off me!" "or what-" "stark, i would like it if you were to get off of me. my penis is starting get erect and i am slightly aroused. unless you are going to fix the issue-"
