𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬. / kim wooseok

sixteen.

03 January 2019
last day

i woke up to the rays of sunlight that passed through my window. my eyes opened slowly and i realized i was alone— haerin had probably woken up way too early and decided to prepare breakfast downstairs.

the steps i made to the kitchen were oddly loud. when i reached the ground floor, there wasn't any clanking noise or a scent of the frying bacons and eggs. it was empty.

haerin could have gone somewhere and when she returned, i was ready to tell her that i'd want to cancel the divorce. it was something i have thought about all night— maybe i was too selfish to not realize how much i really held haerin as someone dearest to me.

i went to the kitchen counter to grab some coffee, but something caught my attention. it was a brown envelope— a rather thin one, and my hands slowly reached to open them.

my hands trembled as i read the content of the papers inside. it was the divorce paper, and haerin had signed all of the pages without missing a single one. the tears unknowingly started pouring from my eyes, and i couldn't bear to read any more of the words.

my heart started beating strangely heavily and i kept on convincing myself that it wasn't true. i couldn't afford to possibly lose haerin at this rate, or else i'd lose my mind too. haerin was who kept me sane most days, but i was too clouded with neglect.

i noticed a smaller envelope inside and immediately reached for it— it read "to dear love, wooseok." and i was more than scared to see what was inside but i opened it anyways.

dear wooseok,

i sincerely want to thank you for the week you have given me to love you again. i am very happy and content, i had counted all the hours that you spent with me and i will never forget even a single moment that we had, but i think it's time to move on.

you were right, i was too selfish to deprive you of your dreams. i'm very sorry for everything that i have done wrong, i really am—

i clutched the paper on my chest as i let the tears pour down from my eyes. i was wrong— entirely wrong all this time— if it weren't for all the wrong decisions that i have made, things wouldn't have turned out this way and haerin wouldn't be in so much pain like she was now.

haerin had left to work overseas and even if i tried to follow her anywhere, she wouldn't take me back. she was very hurt—  more hurt than i was right now, and i understood why she had to leave me as an escape. i deserved every ounce of guilt and emptiness that she was bound to bring me. i deserved to suffer.

this was the thing i feared the most— and now i was in the darkest place, somewhere no one but only i had put myself into, a place where there was only loneliness and regret that would consume me.

no more haerin.