Making the Alpha strong

Chapter 37

*Amanda's pov*

Silence!

The sounds of a clock clicking, birds chirping, distance chattering and our slow breathing filled the silence air around us. I just laid my head on his lap, enjoying the tingles and his soft caressing. The juice glass long forgotten in a corner as both of us lost in our own world, silently seeking comfort in each others presence. My eyes were fixed on the soft fabric of the bed while my mind was roaming on everywhere but ended up in nowhere, trying to figure out the secrets that unrevealed within these few days. At this point I don't even know what to feel. It's overwhelming. Everything is just overwhelming for my mind to bear. My mind is over flowing with endless question. Still I don't know how to voice out them or where to start. I want to ask him. At the same time, I am scared. Scared of his answers. Scared of him realizing that I don't worth all the suffering he went through. Scared of him leaving me. Specially scared of hurting his feelings digging back those old memories.

"Why?" My hoarse voiced filled the air breaking the silence between us which was only filled with the sounds of sniffing a few minutes ago. That single word represent everything I wanted to know. Everything I want to ask. Every questions my mind is searching for answers. I want to ask why this all happened? Why he his his identity from me? Why he suffered alone? Why he let me be in an other man's embrace knowing very well I am his to be with? And why didn't he tell me any of this so far? Just why?

"Cause I wanted you to accept me as who I am!" He meekly answered, hand freezing on mid caress. I slowly raised my head to look into those warm orbs. He looked so tired, so warn out. Yet he manged to form a small smile for me on that concern face. "There was already enough walls between us. I didn't want to build the royal wall between us too. And I didn't want you to accept me just because I am the crown prince or your mate. I wanted you to accept me just the way I am. Just me. Just Kim Taehyung!" A single tear roll down from my eyes landing on the tip of his finger that rested on his lap.  His smile flattered as his face slacked seeing tears bubbling up on my eyes. But before they could roll down , he cupped my cheek using his free hand.

"Shhhhh! It's over pup! We are together now!" He uttered soothingly brushing my cheek over his thumb pad. That small gesture warm my heart all over again as I purred mentally enjoying  his presence, basking in the affection he is showing towards me. "I am not gonna lie Amy! It hurt. It hurts lot to me knowing who you are, yet not being able to reveal that. For all those years I silently suffered not being able to keep you in my embrace, walk around with you locking our hands, kiss those warm cheeks to see that cute blush, sooth you when you are angry, offer my shoulder to you to lean on when you want to cry, sit next to you and stare at this beautiful face for hours and most importantly to tell how much I love you every single time I get a chance to do so." I completely slacked. I was a goner. My lower lip trembled as big fat ugly tears rolled down from my eyes landing on his lap. My wolf moaned in my head mourning over the suffering our met went through all those years. 

"Shhhh......." He cooed sadly brushing away the tears that rolled down on my cheeks. He looked so pained and helpless as his own eyes filled with unshed tears. And I realized. I realized how much it hurts him to see my tears. " I don't regret anything that happened to me love. I don't even blame them on you. Those are my choices. I choose them cause those suffering worth it. You wroth it. It and even more." He leaned closer gazing deep into my eyes, staring deep into my soul. " Crying over past wouldn't change anything pup. Instead Lets create our own past from now on. A happy past. Just you and me along with those noisy friends of ours." He said with a hopeful smile causing me to create my own for  his sake. Those gaze soften as he raised his head still not breaking the eye contact. "It's not your fault that I wanted you to accept me as who I am." I wanted to protest, but my mind refused to form suitable words for it. Instead I came up with an other smart question.