i woke up the next morning and left my room. i went to the kitchen and saw joey drinking from the bottle of an alcohol.
"what the fuck are you doing?" i ask him.
he puts the bottle down and looks at me, "what. why do you care?" he asks.
his eyes are red and puffy, he's been crying. he picks the bottle back up and presses it to his lips. i grab the bottle from him, "joey stop."
"what the fuck anna," he says.
"joey why are you doing this to yourself?" i ask him.
he looks at me, "because the girl i love wants nothing to do with me. i've tried to apologize to her. i made her jealous the other night and that fucked everything up. i really need her in my life." joey says and starts to cry.
i put the bottle on the table behind me. i look at him, he's talking about me.
"joe, how long have you liked this girl?"
"loved, anna. not liked, i love her." he says.
"how long have you loved her?" i ask.
"since i was 18. she was the cutest thing i had ever watched grow up. i listened to what her dad told me. i kept her safe. i kept her out of harms way. i didn't let her know it was me. all until one night this year, i fucked at all up. now i cant control my feelings for her."
i look at joey. i've hurt him. i really thought that all this time he was trying to hurt me. to get me to fall for him and then once i do, have him break my heart. but i was the one that was breaking him. i was hurting him.
i thought that him getting mad at me for the dumb things was him trying to ruin my life, it was that he didn't want to lose me. he was scared of losing me.
the other night when all a sudden tayler started talking about how he babies me and how he likes me, i really thought he was just fucking with my feelings.
i was like; how could someone just flip from making another's life a living hell, to falling in love with them when in all reality, he has loved me for years now.
i look at joey and frown, "i'm so sorry," i say to him.
"for what?" he says.
"for hurting you," i tell him.
"it's not your fault, i was the one that acted like i didn't care."
"but i've been hurting you joey and i'm sorry," i say.
he looks at me, "i'm tired," he says.
"let's go," i say to him and wrap my arm around his waist and walk him to his room.
he takes off his shirt and lays in bed. i tuck him in and turn off his light, "sleep well joe," i say.
before i leave he says, "can you please lay with me?"
i look at him and sigh. he just told me his feelings for me. i don't know how i feel towards him and i don't want to lead him on and hurt him more.
"please," he says to me.
i walk over to his bed and lay down, "get some sleep joey," i say.
he nods and lays an arm over my stomach and puts his head on my chest, "goodnight annamaria," he says.
"goodnight joseph," i say.
he falls asleep and i lay there. i don't know what to do. i don't want to hurt him. he does mean a mug to me. i cant hurt him.
i look at him and see him sleeping. i start to play with his hair. his hair is so soft i love it.
he moves his head and tightens his arm around me. looks as if i won't be leaving any time soon.
i sigh and decide maybe i should try and go back to sleep, maybe then i can wake up with a clear mind and make up a decision on how to feel.
i really don't want to hurt him. i don't want to hurt him anymore. i just don't know how i feel.
it hurts me to know that i've already hurt him. i does hurt me.
i stop playing with his hair and close my eyes.
"please don't leave me." he mumbles in his sleep.
i wont joey, i promise i won't.
