habits » Hemmings

Chapter 1.

The club boomed badly made remixes of modern days songs. I stood loose and tired against the chilling brick wall outside. My black leather jacket the only thing keeping me warm. I hugged myself for comfort and mostly to feel safer, but it wasn't as good as his arms. My hair all swiped to one side and my body leaned against the wall. I could feel my firm square box of cigarettes in my front left pocket of my coat. My heart pulsing at the rush my body still had from all the friction in the heated club. I felt a sudden wave of dizziness as I leaned down to snatch up my all black pumps. I craved the feel of warmth and the feeling of drifting. I looked to the side unintentional to see a small set of stairs. I remember the day I met you. The way you looked at me. The way your blue eyes met mine as you lit my last cigarette. The way we laughed at how I failed to create a smoke ring. I sighed and kept walking straight with my head bowed. I wasn't drunk. I wasn't high-Actually I was high. high on the thought of seeing you again. Remaking the moment we met and leaving behind the moment you left and slipped away from me.

My gaze locked on a lone secondhand store that was empty. The women at the front desk had her head rested on her hand and drowsy eyes. She barley heard me come in. I pitter-pattered to the back of the store in search of a bathroom. I was in luck, as my nausea increased i quietly shut the bathroom door locking it and hurriedly threw my heels to the side. i tied my hair back and leaned against the already open toilet. I could care less how un-clean this public corner store bathroom was. I was going to be sick at any moment. My predications proved me correct while I clutched my stomach and lurched more forward as tears welled my eyes and my sickness spilled into the water in the toilet. I ripped a long piece of paper and bunched it up to wipe my mouth and nose. I tossed it in the bowl while flushing. I sniffled leaning my back against the white freezing toilet. Staring blankly and lost at the white and pink tiled wall until I slipped off my coat, placing it in my lap. I dug my hand through the front pocket and snatched my box of cigarettes. I planted my second to last cigarette in between my pink smooth lips. Keeping balance by holding onto the edge of the pure white sink i lifted myself from my spot then lit my cigarette. My eyes locked on myself through the mirror. My eyeliner was smudge and drooping down my cheeks. My mascara was all gone and my lip gloss wasn't even noticeable. I took my cigarette between two fingers and slowly puffed out a swirling cloud of smoke towards the mirror. I laughed to myself and sniffled one more time before grabbing my heels and coat with my free hand. I brung the cigarette to my lips again while walking out of the corner store into the night air. It hit my bare legs and I shivered. I looked around to try and remember how to get home. I stepped up to the curb and waved my useable arm to hail a cab. An all yellow car pulled up beside me and I slid into the front seat.

"You can't smoke in this car mam." The cab driver said to me as I blew a pack of smoke into the air and it cascaded around my small cold frame. I gave him a look that said I-Don't-Care. But he just shrugged and lifted an eyebrow signaling I needed to put it out or leave. I gave him a blank expression and opened my door, my eyes not leaving his. I pulled myself out of the cab and leaned down to give him the same blank face before flipping him off and slamming the cab door shut. I rolled my eyes and began to walk towards my apartment complex. I keep my head straight to avoid stares of people that are only judging me.

Finally after twenty minutes of walking with no shoes on and a cigarette hanging from my lips, I managed to safely make it home. Throwing my shoes and coat to the side and taking the burning end of my cigarette and crushing it into my counter top and leaving it there. I lay myself out on the couch until I feel the same feeling of sickness. I sprint to the bathroom and lean over the tub. Puking everything from a slice of pizza for breakfast to two shots I had at the club. I wiped my mouth and held my cold hand against my heated forehead making a soothing sensation. I lifted myself up and reached behind me to unzip my tight dress. It pooled at my feet and I stepped out of it. I walked to my room and threw myself on to the bed.