habits » Hemmings

Chapter 3.

Waking up the next morning I didn't want to see anyone. Luckily, Megan and Izzy stayed with the boys last night and I got my apartment to myself. I turned on the heat last night so when I woke up it was toasty and fresh. I kept my sweats on as I rolled off my bed and hardly hit the floor carelessly. The first thing I did was turn off my phone completely. I needed no distractions. Since I finally I had food in my flat I could make a nice meal. I know Megan and Izzy they'll probably be over in about an hour or so. So I figured I'd make them breakfast too.
The eggs sizzled on the pan and popped ever so often. I heard laughs and feet shuffling outside my door. Then the door swung open to reveal Izzy and Megan. They both gave me bright smiles as I turned to look at them. Izzy was wearing an Crimson red Arctic Monkeys crop top and high rise black denim shorts that I bought for her birthday last. Plus a grey, black and white flannel, knee high black socks and white converse that had a red line. Megan was wearing her black leggings and Ashton's black and dark dark purple flannel with white converse and a black beanie. Her hair was in loose waves and Izzys was in her usual messy bun that always looked amazing. Especially on her. I greeted them like usual;
"Hello my bitches," I laughed shoving the eggs to one side of the pan. They laughed and Megan jumped to sit on the counter behind me and Izzy swung open the fridge.

"Izzy I'm making breakfast."

"I know, I'm thirsty," I shrugged and kept pushing at the sizzling eggs. They arrived earlier this time.

"So," I started "I thought we could all go out to a bar tonight,"

"Ugh. We always go to bars and clubs, can't we go do something more productive?" Megan asked taking a sip of Izzys water bottle that she stole from my fridge.

"No, we can't." I said simply while smiling.

"I don't want to go clubbing tonight." They both said

"Yeah, of course you don't. You want to hang out with Ashton and Michael and the boys. Go, it's whatever," I said while opening the draw besides me and taking out my pack of cigarettes. I pulled one out. "Go see them at the studio and watch them sing and record and joke with them, then after go order some pizza and watch a movie at there LA house, when your done go cuddle up to your boyfriends. Maybe you could even go night swimming or go see a concert." I said roughly shoving the eggs. I finally threw down my utensil and lit my cigarette and pulled it from my mouth after sucking in. I shut off the stove,
"Im not hungry anymore. More for you guys," I said with a slight attitude and held my cigarette between my index and middle finger. They both sat quiet and pouted a little, staring blankly at the eggs. I rolled my eyes and walked to my room. I threw on my black vans and slipped my phone in my back pocket and held on to my cigarettes and lighter. They saw me leave,

"Where are you going?" Izzy asked getting up.

"Out."

"Out where?"

"Just out." I didn't know where. Just somewhere. She crossed her arms.

"You know me and Megan really worry about you, ever since-"

"Stop. Im okay, I've been okay. I just smoke and drink a lot, Like a normal teenager." Izzy eyed Megan and they gave each other doubtful looks.

"All the time isn't normal, do you understand that you could die?"

"Yes, I do. But we're all born to die. There is no forever and there never will be, so in the end we'll all end up dead, my time might just be sooner." I said closing the door. I left to go to my most important place, my thinking place, a place where I can sit calmly and in peace while I admire art that was shamed by society.

When I got there a couple were spray painting another piece of art. They seemed so happy together. They seemed in love. Something I thought I never would have. What if know one is going to fall in love with me? What if I'm going to die alone and weak in an apartment by myself. No one to hold me, no one to comfort me. I felt distant from my friends lately, mostly because of my sadness and how there usually with there loved ones. The band has only been here for, what, like two to three days? But it has been a rough two to three days. Girls have been raving about the band. Everywhere I walk I hear there name. It's tiresome. It makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like I might throw up. I needed to get over this sickness, this constant lonely feeling, the feeling of love and the feeling of emptiness.
The couple would giggle and joke with each other, everytime they'd look over to reach other they'd smile and laugh like everything they did was a joke and everything they said was just words of love and they'd spray paint onto each other's clothes and laugh. No one was mad and no one looked upset. They looked happy and they were having fun. They were making a small little spray painting session into something more. They made it into a memory, something to be remembered. Something they'll look back on in the future and laugh like they were now.
I decided to think things through and form ways to fix my sadness. Im tired of moping around and being unhappy. Fuck that. I got up from my spot against the wall. A bar. I needed a drink, really badly. Before I started walking I texted Megan and Izzy that I was going to the bar and might have to pick me up.