Chronically Me

Chapter Three

Harry continued by asking if it was terminal and I chuckled. He wasn't scared to get straight to the point and he clearly had no idea what bowel disease was. When I told him it wasn't terminal he awkwardly laughed, and I saw the tips of his ears burn red. After that though Harry never asked me to elaborate further. He didn't ask what it was or why I needed surgery. I was so glad when I didn't have to mention my very glamorous stoma bag. It was nice to not be bombarded with question after question.

We stayed up the rest of the night chatting quietly. I was so grateful to have a distraction from my pain. We didn't talk about anything specific. He explained that he was in hospital because he needed emergency surgery to remove his ruptured appendix. I found out he was 24 years old, had a civil engineering degree and worked for an engineering consultancy. I told him that I was 21, had never been to university, but had recently become a qualified accountant after passing my AAT professional diploma. He was so interested in me as a person and it was refreshing. A lot of the time, when people found out I had a chronic illness that's all they ever wanted to talk about.

"When was the last time you had a flare up Clara?"

"Been to the Hospital recently Clara?"

"So that's why you don't drink alcohol, right Clara?"

"Why does it stop you travelling Clara?"

"Why does it cause you so much anxiety Clara?"

There were several occasions where I dipped in and out of conscious mid conversation. I also had several episodes were I randomly cried out in pain, but Harry was always there to offer kind words of reassurance when it got too much. I honestly don't know how I would have got through the night without him. His presence was comforting; a small light in a moment of complete darkness.

When the morning came around and the doctor arrived to take me up to surgery, I was sad to have to say goodbye to Harry. He had been my rock through the night, and I wanted to thank him properly, but he was finally peacefully sleeping when they took me away and I didn't want to disturb him. I knew I'd be devastated if he was discharged before I returned, and I never got to see him again.

The hospital porter pushed me out of the ward and into the lift to take me up the surgical floor. Shortly after I arrived the anaesthetist and the doctor came into speak to me and before I knew it the nurse was pushing drugs into my IV line, instructing me to count down from ten.

"10 – 9 – 8" I began to say slowly "7 – 6" and before I could reach the number 5, I was asleep.

***

Several hours later I began to, once again, groggily wake up in the recovery room. The nurse repeated a lot of the same information as last time.

Once again, I had a tube running up my nose and down into my stomach to stop me vomiting. The main difference in her information was regarding the surgical technique. Last time the surgery had been completed using a keyhole procedure, but this time I had open surgery. This was because the camera didn't allow the surgeons to understand what was blocked. It turns out it hadn't even been connected properly in the first place. Thus, I would likely be left with a large scar. It also meant I'd likely need a longer recovery period.

After a few hours in the recovery room I was taken back up to the ward. I wasn't surprised when I looked at the bed beside mine and Harry was gone. The appendectomy is one of the most common and straight forward surgical procedures. In the absence of complications of course they'd want to discharge him the next day. In his place was an elderly man with very large glasses with very thick lenses.

I felt my heart sink. I really wanted to thank him and make sure he was okay. He had stayed up with me all night, even though he himself had had surgery that day. The thought of never seeing him again was crushing, but I pushed the feeling away. I was used to people disappearing from my life as quickly as they appeared. I was used to the feeling, but with Harry it felt slightly different. I felt a connection with him that I'd never experienced with anyone else.