It's two am.
I am up.
Dragging my sleepy self to the toilet.
I stand at my bedroom door staring at my warm welcoming bed, getting cold.
A tear dropped.
It's 2:10am now.
I am soaked.
It's 2:11am now.
I think I'm having what they call two am thoughts ,
I can't sleep anymore,
My bed became too warm yet too cold.
All the good in me turns into bad.
All the bad in me, is worse now.
I feel desolate, empty.
No.
No words can describe this what is inside me.
I am canvas.
My art is only red, at first.
It darkens.
Right now, 2:18,
I am an artist,
Craving to paint some, to carve some wood and paint it.
I am an artist,
Without their beloved paint brush.
Can't breathe.
Can't move.
Blurry.
Too hot.
Too hot to live.
2:20 am.
The floor calls me,
I go.
"Swallow me in whole"
2:30.
Two am thoughts,
Not happy,
Neither melancholic.
Heart-rending, lachrymose, dreary, sombre thoughts and feelings.
I have been running away from them,
They caught up.
I wasn't fast enough.
Life feels meaningless,
I get to remember who I really am,
How unimportant I am.
This dreadful hour snaps me back to my sad truth;
YOU CAN'T BE HELPED.
Snaps me out of the glorious dream I was living.;
Acting happy,
Fine,
Truth is, I was running. I guess I slowed down.
2:45.
I am wailing,
Maybe.
No one hears me.
Ha! I am alone, I almost forgot.
I am screaming,
I don't want to be this anymore,
Want to be someone else, something else,
Live another life, perhaps?
2:57.
My body is exhausted,
Physically. Emotionally. Mentally.
The rain has been pouring for a while now.
Never noticed.
I guess the sky feels like me; blue during the day and filled with sombre colours at night,
The blaring sun masking all this.
When it's tired, it burns,
Screaming, and like me, no one hears.
The beautiful starry nights,
Disappear when it can't take it anymore,
Forsaken and forlorn,
Despondent and dejected.
Perhaps it cries for me, with me.
Oddly I am comforted by the rain.
My eyes, still wet and red, droop.
I drift to slumber.
I hope the sky finds warmth and comfort.
3:03
I am asleep.
But still I wonder,
Will I go back to my beautiful dream?
