silencieul [j.jk]

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟷

Saturday, 18th of May, 8:23PM
[Y/N's POV]

There they were on stage, performing with so much confidence and determination in their moves and by their angelical voices and raps. I was smiling while watching the live performance on the TV screen from backstage, where I was alone. It was calming finally not having so many staffs running around, their voices getting louder by the feeling of panic rushing through them. I find it relaxing being alone, I can be in my own thoughts without anybody interrupting me. Although 'something' did quite interrupt my thoughts. It rather brought me into my darkest fears. An unpleasant feeling came back. The familiar feeling of mine where the whole room made me suffocate in it as if I was in an ocean that was throwing me it's weight, making me sink down into its depths. The invisible cuts I'd feel on my back getting deeper inside my flesh. And the atmosphere of the room losing its heat, turning my body temperature into very low degrees. That's when I knew

'she/he' was there.

"Not now...", I whispered lowly in desperation, almost begging. The way my voice sounded was in a shaking way due to the amount of fear I'm having presently. She/He has such an effect on me. But I can't stop my emotions.

I flinched and shivered as she/he caressed my back lightly with the tips of her fingers. Her touch disgusted me. It almost felt as if I was being raped. Touched by the wrong hands. "Don't I deserve a greeting?". This little brat thinks she's/he's so innocent but knows very well the action she/he does and isn't even daring to stop herself/himself. She/He just continues her/his dirty work, as always. Her/His tortures are mentioned by her/him as the most 'euphoric' sensation. She/He feeds off of me. She's/He's like a predator and I'm it's pride. I despise her/him, I'd do anything to get rid of her/him. Permanently.

"Please stop, please.", I start sobbing, I couldn't bear her/his presence. She/He laughs hysterically, "It's fun seeing you begging", she/he exclaims, smiling widely. We could have assumed that she/he was a monster from a horror movie by that demonic smile. But she/he then started smirking out of nowhere, as if she/he was up to something. If only I knew what was gonna come next. I should've known it was one of her/his influenceable, manipulative tricks. "Although, don't you think it's weird those boys take you to every single concert of theirs?", the identical girl/boy like me asks so sudden.

"Why would it be, they are my friends, they treat me as their family. They just want to make me happy.", I spoke, trying to give a fair well reason to her/his weird question. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion when I heard her/him laugh.

"You're so gullible.", she/he chuckled out. "Can't you see? They're only doing this because they feel bad for you. They aren't your true friends, they're annoyed by you. Your presence sickens them. Your brother, Kim Taehyung, he's just telling them to play nice around you. They don't care about you. None of them do. You're just an annoying little-", "SHUT UP!", I screamed at her/him. I hid at the corner of the room, sitting down on the ground, bringing my knees up to my chest as I covered my ears with my hands. Tears started slipping out of my eyes, sinking down to my cheeks. Don't let it get to you Y/N. Don't let it get to you Y/N. I repeated to myself.

She/He started twirling with a strand of my hair, shushing me. I tried moving my head away from its hands getting in contact with my hair. "Aww poor Y/N~", she/he babied me while pouting. I wish you burn in hell. "I heard that.", she/he spoke sternly, her tone of voice changing to a serious one. "You're insulting yourself girl/boy. After all, I am you, you are me. Remember, we are the same people.".

"We are not the same people! Leave me alone for once! Please I beg you, you can't continue like this.", I whined as I drowned in my tears. She/He just continued that devilish smile of hers/his. I hate that smile. I hate everything about it. I hate everything about her/him. I was crying so hard, waiting for this torturous moment to end. My cries were so loud, I bet that all the staffs could hear me, but I can't help myself. Besides, if those staffs really did have a caring heart they'd be there trying to help me.

I felt her/his breath getting closer to my ear as if she was about to whisper something to me, which made me shiver deeply. But it's breath suddenly fade away when I hear a door bust open. I hid my head between my knees and started to shake. I looked up a little to see who entered the room.

There he was,

My childhood best friend,

Jeon Jeongguk.

I assume the concert was over. He looked so shocked and panicked by the position I was in front of him. He locked the door behind him in a rush and jogged to me quickly. "Y/N?! What are you doing crumbled up on the floor?", he kneeled down to my level and held both sides of my head with his hands, trying to take a look at me. I lifted my head up and looked at him with tear stains on my soft cheeks. My glistening eyes looked at his doe ones. He got worried at how distressed I was and pulled me up and hugged me immediately. I didn't object and hugged him back. I needed this hug. I needed to be in someone's arms. I needed some comfort. I started crying on his shoulder, holding him tight. Jeongguk shushed me and started caressing my hair and whispering comforting words to calm me down.

I'm glad to have him as my friend. I could tell him anything and he wouldn't judge me a single bit. He is always there for me and seeking for my happiness. Although, I always doubted about our friendship because of 'her/him' of course. But I repetitively questioned myself if I actually meant something to him or if he was pretending to care about me. Or this was all an act. I've been hurt too many times in my childhood, it's understandable to why I have trust issues. You can't blame me for it.

After moments of crying, I finally calmed myself down. We were now both sat on the couch comfortably, Jeongguk still holding me in his embrace, not letting me go. He ran his hand on my back up and down in a soothing way to relax me which worked very well. "Y/N, are you ready to tell me what happened?", He said curiously but also in a worried way, wanting to help me with whatever is going on. I didn't respond which made him grab my chin and make me look at him. "Please, tell me what happened to make you have such a humongous breakdown. I've never seen you like this, it worries me.", I could tell by his voice he was seriously worried, like a mother willing to protect its child from anything.

I couldn't possibly tell him what kind of chaos happened just a second ago, he'll think I'm crazy. I can't just go, 'Oh hey Jeongguk, I just experienced a traumatic event that happens practically all the damn time at random moments by someone who looks exactly like me! Of course you can't fucking see my identical twin neither hear her/him, it's invisible!!', seriously though what the fuck is that! What do I respond to him with...

"Nothing, nothing at all. I'm perfectly fine.", I changed the tone of my voice, acting as if nothing happened. He looked at me weirdly and then furrowed his eyebrows, I could feel his rage coming out. "No, you aren't okay! Tell me what's wrong, now.", He hated being lied to. He may let it slide for a while but will get in his own way of knowing the truth. "Jeongguk, it's nothing, I promise, please don't worry too much about it.", I said, not wanting to worry him.

He sighed "If you insist.".