In My Mind. || Larry Stylinson

"Are you okay?" (Chapter 1.)

Louis wasn't always this, well, "on edge." Per say, he used to be so chill and calm.

But lately it's like he just can't stop thinking about his past and about what had happened.
Louis sighed, sitting on the guest bed, in the guest bedroom.

He started to think about how life would be if his childhood wasn't so horrible, if- of his father didn't touch him in that way. Fuck
He couldn't stop thinking, he wanted to stop thinking, he wanted it to all stop, he started scratching at his wrists making them all red. He started to dig so hard that in some spots; it started to bleed.

His breathing started to pick up and his heart started racing and he couldn't fucking breathe.

Everything around him was blurry and his vision was getting worse.
He was numb, this was the 7th panic attack he's had his week.

It was getting worse & worse and Louis kept everything inside of his mind.

His ears started ringing and he couldn't stand. He brought his knees to his chest and hugged them.

He started crying and his breathing started getting more and more rapid.

Suddenly, Harry knocked on the door and Louis faintly heard it but couldn't get up he couldn't move and he could barely hear anything.

"Louis? Are you okay?" Harry said, his words were soft, "I'm coming in." Harry opened the door and started to walk towards Louis.

"No no no no, stop don't come near me." Louis started crying harder and harder and he couldn't form the right words.

Harry put his hands up in defense, "okay, okay, listen to me okay Louis? Look, I don't know you that well and I have no idea what you've been through but I can help you, only if you let me help you."

"You have no idea you don't- you don't fucking understand!" Louis shouted louder than he intended to, it scared him and Harry flinched.

Harry frowned and walked a tiny bit closer, "help me then, just- help me to understand, talk to me yeah?"
Harry was trying so hard, for some reason Harry felt like he needed to help Louis, he didn't even know him that well. But he felt the need to help him. "Just take a deep breath yeah? Try and focus on your breathing and-"

"I can't I- I fucking can't," Louis cut Harry off, sobbing.

"Louis, yes you can, can I come closer?" Harry asked softly, trying not to set Louis off.

Louis looked up at Harry with red eyes, and tears falling down his face.
His eyes were quite beautiful and so blue. So pretty.

Louis nodded, "Just- dont touch me, you can um, you can sit next to me," Louis tried taking a deep breath.

"okay," Harry walked closer and sat next to Louis, "do you wanna talk about it? I mean- fuck, I don't mean to pry I just- I would like to help you."

"No, no it's.. it's okay I just- it's hard you know? I won't even talk to my mom about this she- she doesn't even know and- fuck," Louis couldn't form words, he couldn't, "I'll tell you, I've never really told anyone except zayn. He's all I have."

"Okay, I won't talk, I'll listen. Go ahead yeah? Take your time, no rush." Harry smiled.

Louis had no idea how someone could have this effect on him when he just met him, it's almost as if he knew him in an alternate universe. He never talked about what his step-father did to him. To anyone.

"When I was eleven, my mom, she got this new boyfriend and-" Louis started shaking a bit, his voice was shaky, he took a deep breath, "and he seemed nice- at first, and I trusted him," Harry nodded, "and we were close you know? And then, one night he- fuck.. he came into my room and-" Harry knew where this was going, and he was frightened, "and he came into my bed and- started.. touching me? And started to do things to me i-" Louis started crying, "and he fucking raped me,"