kim jongin imagines (hiatus)

worry

"there's a week before the baby comes and you're just now coming to talk to me about this?" i ask jongin. he's just told me how worried he is about our baby coming and i'm confused as to why he left it for so long.

"that's why," he says. "we've had almost 9 months and i've been pushing everything to the back of my mind because, you know, i've had so much time, but now he's almost here and i just don't know if i'm ready."

"you can't just not be ready, jongin. we can't undo it, he's coming no matter what."

"i know that, i do, but i'm just so scared, (y/n)." i sigh and scoot closer to him to wrap an arm around his shoulders.

"i am, too. it's our first baby, of course we're scared, we're meant to be scared. but," i press a kiss on his cheek, "if there's anyone that's meant to have a baby it's us. we're going to be the best damn parents there will ever be."

"that's another thing..." he takes a deep breath and puffs his cheeks as he lets it out. "i don't think i'm going to be a good dad."

"what? why would you ever think that?"

"i'm basically still a child myself. i don't think i'm going to be able to change our son's diaper, hold him, feed him, do anything for him. i'm not going to be able to be a father, (y/n), i don't want to mess our son up."

"oh, baby." i move so i'm sitting between his legs facing him and take his cheeks in my hands to kiss him. "i didn't know you were so worried, you should have talked to me earlier. you may not believe in yourself but i do. i know you, i love you, and i'm one hundred percent sure that you're going to be an amazing dad. just look at you with your niece and nephew, they love you, you're so good with them. and before you say anything," i interrupted when he opened his mouth, "i know it's different because they're not yours and you don't have to take care of them all the time but it's not going to be that different. our son is going to love you and you're going to take care of him so well, i promise. we can do it together."

i wipe away the tears that have spilt onto his cheeks and kiss him again, hoping that he's understanding what i'm trying to say.

"it's going to be hard, i won't say it isn't, but we can do it. together."

"okay," he whispers.

"okay," i say. "just think, we've made a human. someone who is half of you and half of me. he's going to be so beautiful and smart. you can teach him how to dance when he's old enough and i'm sure one day he'll be just as amazing as you. things may go wrong as he's growing up but he's already going to be amazing just because you're his dad. so don't worry too much. we'll tackle things when they come but for now let's just focus on the fact that in a week or so we'll have the cutest baby to love."

jongin is smiling now and i can see that he really is excited for the baby to come. i can understand why he's worried, i am, too. i have to give birth, something i know won't be fun or easy, but the thought of having a child with the man i love more than anything is what's keeping me going. i cannot wait to love both of them for the rest of my life.