noah: sarah! sarah! help me, oh almighty sarah, help me!
sarah: what's the matter, bastard?
noah: this is an alert k type of problem.
sarah gasps, her eyes widening at noah's statement. they have a certain alert level for each scary or embarrassing experiences or just simply a problem. the lightest one is an alert level 'a', while the most horrifying, most terrible one is alert level 'k'.
sarah: oh my god, noah. what the fuck did you do?! did you kill a man?! stole candy from the gas store?! or worse, took money from your mum's wallet?!
noah: i would not do such terrifying things!
sarah: what then? those three things are literally the only scenarios i could think of that would be categorized as an alert level 'k' emergency!
noah: jack. just. cursed. at. me.
sarah's eyes enlarges, if that is even possible. a louder gasp escapes her mouth as her body trembles. to a stranger's perspective, they would have looked as if they are overreacting, but they aren't. jack seldomly uses, if not never, obscenities.
sarah: what the fucking hell did you do that jack said a profanity to you?! that guy never curses!
noah: i lied.
sarah: you lied? wait, you lied, so jack didn't really curse you..... or you lied, which made jack curse to you?
noah: the second one.
sarah: you are going to rainbow-flag-hell, noah! that is the worst sin to commit! that is prohibited by the laws of sarah hanks ballinger!
noah: oh my gosh. i'm the worst person alive....
sarah: what the hell did you even lie about, anyways?
noah: on why i'm avo-avoiding him..
sarah: okay. me myself, i'm not even clear on why you are fucking avoiding him like the plague!
noah: i told h-him that... that... uh.. that i have personal problems. which isn't very far from the truth, let me tell you that.
sarah: what's the truth then? spill the truth, cursed man!
noah: ......i'm having... uh... personal problems?
sarah: just fucking admit it! admit it! don't conceal it! feel it! let them know!
noah: what? i... i.. i do... i do have personal problems!
sarah: i'm gonna fucking slap you so hard if you don't admit the truth right here, right now. i swear to every boyband and youtuber i love and admire and obsess and worship that if you don't admit it, i'm gonna kill your pet hamster.
noah: fine! you know what, i fucking like that stupid boy! that dork, that nerd, that bitch who doesn't speak any curse words! i like him! are you happy?!
sarah: oh my god.
sarah moves towards her bedside table, grabbing something from the bottom compartment. she takes out a recorder, red coming from the device.
sarah: yes! i fucking caught it on audio! yeehaw! i now have something to blackmail you with, you derp!
noah: oh gosh.
sarah: oh gosh indeed, you peasant. now, if you don't want this leaking throughout the whole school, which kesha and i convinced that you two are real, hashtag joah for life, you would have to tell the truth to jack that you fucking fancy the shit out of him. tomorrow, in school, at lunch, homeroom, first period, or any class you both have together, or dismissal, whenever the fuck you like.
noah: i feel like there's a 'but' coming.
sarah: you guessed right, psychopathic freak also known as my best friend. but, if you still haven't admitted to him after he comes home, you can expect the edited version of this audio clip be leaked throughout the whole campus.
noah: you son of a bitch.
sarah: thank you for the compliment, whore.
========
[ a:n ]
ngl, this is my favorite chapter written. eh.
consecutive update? yay?
plug time!!! i posted a new story, entitled 'not human' and basically one character is not human. yeah, pretty self explanatory. he's not human, but human at the same time, idek, just read it.
thank you! enjoy life, people.
