Bonds

1: [i and they]

Choi

I feeling cold.
I don't know why. Is it the temperature?
...or my heart that feeling empty?
I staring blank at the train window, doesn't care about the view outside the window. My eyes will remember nothing anyway because my mind was occupied.
The bird app still opened on my phone. My timeline flooded with anything ACE related and i do nothing beside RT & liked anything (good) about them. It was succesfully distracted me to not thinking about things i don't want to think, but if i stop for minutes, my head start buzzing again, like there are something heavy on my head.
But...it is nothing.
It just my anxiety, i think.
Some peoples i know will say it is nothing, it is just on my head, everything gonna be okay so i should stop overthinking anything....
But i just can't... shut it. Like push an off button on my head and my mind suddenly clear and i suddenly feel at ease.
It doesn't work that way. At least, not that easy.
I sigh, turn my eyes on my phone, and choose to logging out. With that, i know i will start overthinking again, so i closed my eyes, forced myself to sleep.
*
This office trip should be my break from everyday routine, my boss said.
The things is, i like my everyday routine. It make me felt that i have something certain on my life. It is something simple and ordinary, but it is one of my lifeline. Something to assured me that i will always have something to do everyday.
But this trip, i don't know what to do with this trip. My boss doesn't gave me any explanation. I know for sure it shouldn't be me that going on this trip. It is some workshop about marketing strategy, and i... i just a mere administrative staff. But my boss kind of push me to going, alone, because all the actual marketing staff already attended it. He reasoning that i need this workshop, and i can get new experience...
(Are twelve years in school and five years in university is not enough for experience???)
And i feel uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable now, don't know what to do being the only gloomy person in the middle of many bright person (is it a thing that you should be a bright person to be a marketing staff?).
And i can feel my anxiety start to building up.

A.C.E

Jun swipe his sweat. Again.
No wonder, today schedule is packed. They leave the dorm since early morning, with eyes half shut because they only catch a glimpse of sleep.
They changed outfit several times, their make up have been touched up for countless times. They have been moved from one place to another, and now they already on their last schedule, being guest on a small music festival event on small university.
This last schedule actually the one that make him and his friends freak out inside, because they be called in last minutes, and leaving less then five days for ACE to preparing the performance. Their CEO actually considered to rejected the offer. But Jun and his friends find this as opportunity. It is an event at university, after all. They can gain more fans from this event, even it is a small event.
But the short time of practice eventually get on their nerve today, make them second guessing their decision. Donghun can't stop showed a glimpse of worry on his face, Chan be slightly silent, and there are some gesture of anxiety from Byeongkwan and Wow. Jun catch all the signal even the other member try to hide them. Jun himself, failed to be subtle about his worries too. At the fansign this afternoon, he kind of zoned out for seconds, and it doesn't happened only once. Jun praying that there are no fancam that catched the moment when he looked kind of lost with what happened around him.
"...A.C.E!"
Their group finally being called. Still feeling heavy, they come to stage.
The moment he step up on the small stage, looking at audiences, all his worries suddenly gone. When he take a second to looking at another member, he know that the other felt the same.
Jun introducing their group while looking at the audience, more specifically Choice. It is a small event, but it felt like there are many Choice there. Jun can find some peoples bring handbanner, lightstick with 'A.C.E' written on it, their photo (someone holding a big photo of him on the south corner), and there are at least two group of peoples that hold together a big banner with their group name and photo.
On their eyes, Jun find the assurance and certainty, that A.C.E gonna doing well, no matter what.
The pressure suddenly lifted and the only feeling remained are confidence.
Jun smiling.
They know they gonna nail tonight's performance.

Choi
I think what i watched was a fancam that was upload as soon as possible. The fancam took from the right spot, not too far from stage, and although it keep following Junhee's movement, it catched the performance flow.
I clutched my phone, focus for their ten minutes performances on some small gig. It is already late at night and i need to wake up early; but i need something to soothing my anxiety or my stomach will start to acting out tomorrow.
So i try to hold to one of my lifeline.
A.C.E.
*