The Gremlins

I couldn’t tell you when it first began, only that one day they were here; and they were here to stay. I don’t remember how or why they came to be, just that they exist. It appears they enjoy my company; I can’t say I enjoy theirs too much, but I have grown accustom to them.

Oh; ‘They’ you ask? The Gremlins! Can’t you see them? It’s okay; I’ve sometimes wondered if anyone else can see them too. I can’t always see them myself either, but I know they’re there, always there. I can feel them lurking in the shadows. I couldn’t really tell you what they look like, but in my mind’s eye they appear as ugly little things. With their oversized pointed ears, small beady eyes too far apart, their snout like noses and grey, slimy, rubbery skin; they vary in size and stature but are no more than 2 feet tall.

Although I can’t remember a time I wasn’t stalked by these creatures, I do remember it started with one, following me everywhere I went. Taunting me and teasing me, jumping around by my feet, begging for my attention. That was my first mistake. Never give these Gremlins your full attention, they won’t have anything useful to say, once you listen to one more will follow. Although the numbers have grown by the dozen they do not always bother me, just there in the background, hiding in the shadows, lying in wait, a low hum or whisper of their words. But when they come out to play, jumping around; each one fighting for my attention, swarming and buzzing around like a disturbed bee hive, scrambling up my body, kicking and punching the Gremlins below, desperately wanting to be the one that’s heard. It becomes impossible to focus on anything else. Each one has something different to say, but it’s always the same. Repeating over and over and over. Sometimes they can be so subtle, but their voices still pound away at me. All attempts to drown them out are usually in vain.

They see the worst parts of you, your deepest fears, and regrets, all of your mistakes; everything you try to hide from yourself and the world. Each one see something different, and once you’ve given in and even one of them gets your attention they will tell you what they see, they will repeat it like a broken record. It is as if the words they speak are the only words in their vocabulary. Like a child learning to talk, toddlers with limited speech.

It does not matter to them how big or small these fears, doubts or regrets may be, or how many times you have made the same mistake, even if its one you only made once, they don’t care if it’s been rectified, forgiven or forgotten. They see them all, and whisper, hum, scream and shout at you, sticking in the forefront of your mind like a bad song you heard on the radio.

“Not good enough”
“Too fat”
“Too thin”
“Ugly”
“Liar”
“Warped”
“Twisted”
“Fucked up mess”
“Nobody loves you”
“Failure”
“Unaccomplished”
“Unsuccessful”
“You can’t do it”
“Stupid”
“Idiot”
“Weak”
“Nobody Cares”

A few of the many examples I could’ve picked from, all of them fictitious. Or so you try to remind yourself. They may have been an accurate representation of yourself at one point. I.e. everybody lies, but doesn’t make them liars. I have lied a fair few times in my lifetime, but I am not a liar. It’s like calling a sick person “Cancer” they may have the disease, but they are not the disease itself.

Like a whirl wind these Gremlins and their words surround you and your very being, making you believe you are all these things. Of course no one can love me, I’m a fucked up mess and a liar. Why would you believe me, and the story I’ve created from my warped little mind? You’ll tell me next there is no such thing as Gremlins. Try to convince yourself otherwise that you don’t have your own swarm of Gremlins following you; maybe you don’t, maybe you have something else? Monsters? Snakes? Trolls? Demons? I don’t know.

The way they manifest is perplexing in itself, how the numbers would double, triple. As soon as you listen to one, another follows, and another. They whisper “your truth” or the truth they want you to accept and believe as your own. As soon as you have listened, as soon as you have heard they would appear to cripple, withdraw into themselves, nothing but a slimy grey ball in front of your feet. “Yes! It’s gone, its died” or so I thought, It wasn’t long till it began to convulse, its back arched up, the skin on its back bubbling, blistering, screaming an ear piercing screech, still repeating its chosen words…