On our first summer as friends, Jake and I made a deal. Since we wouldn't be able to see each other everyday like we normally did in school, the weekends would be ours and we would stay together every Saturdays and Sundays. That promise was one we actually kept.
We would always make plans for those days, sometimes I would even sleep at his place. If our parents decided to travel on the weekend, we would always bring the other along and things wouldn't be different just because high school was over.
So, when Jake's parents decided to make a small trip to the family cabin on our first summer weekend after graduation, it was natural that I would join them. The cabin was this very Kiszka place, surrounded by nature. I had been there a fair amount of times during my four years as Jake's best friends and I would always get super excited whenever he told me we were going. But this time, I was feeling weird.
After our "prom adventure", we tried our best to keep things normal. And we succeed, I think. We continued to treat each other like we'd always had, we kept making the same jokes and talking about the same stuff without making things awkward. But as I packed my bags for the weekend, I couldn't stop thinking about what happened.
The cabin didn't have a bed for everyone, so in order to stay together, the teenagers would simply forget about the second bedroom and sleep on the living room. It was always fun, we would bring horror movies and watch then throughout the night; Sam and Josh would always try to scare the rest of us. I would hold Jake when things got too scary and we would end up falling asleep into each other's arms.
It had always been like that and I knew it wouldn't be different this time. So the idea of sleeping in the comfort of Jake's body led me directly to prom, to that motel room, to the night when I allowed a man to have me for the first time. Well, not any man, my best friend.
When I sat in the car with Jake beside me, I felt as lost as I did when I entered the motel room with him. I was extremely uncomfortable, but I made my goal not letting him notice. Every time a bit of his skin touched mine, I shivered; images of him over me, looking me deeply into the eyes, would take over my mind.
It was like that the whole day. I tried to keep as far away from him as possible, but Jake knows me better than anyone and he obviously noticed something was wrong. While everyone was in the living room discussing about what record they would play, I was helping Karen in the kitchen. When everyone joined at the porch, I made sure to find a sit between Ronnie and Josh.
At night, we lit a fire and sat around it with marshmallows. Once again, I placed myself away from Jake, between his father and Sam. He was right in front of me, the guitar on his lap. Every time I looked he was staring, eyes burning hotter the fire keeping us apart.
It was a beautiful night to be outside. The sky was filled with bright stars, the air was deliciously warm and Jake was looking absolutely ethereal with the fire light washing his face. It was hard for me to look at him, but it was also hard being so distant. I started to regret sitting away, but I was also regretting coming with him in the first place. I wanted to be far from him, but every time I caught his eyes staring at me, all I wanted was to run to his arms.
I excused myself and went to the kitchen, I needed to be alone more than anything. I'd never been more confused in my life, my thoughts were contradicting themselves and I didn't even know what I was feeling anymore. I was sure telling Jake it was a one time thing was the right thing to do, he was my best friend and keeping doing that could ruin what we had. Jake had always been attractive and I'd always wanted to know what was like to be with him, but it'd never stayed in the way of things before. But after what happened, I couldn't even look at him, I was desperate to have him again, but I knew I couldn't.
