Josh is all curled up on me; his naked body holds mine beautifully, like a work of art. Our legs are intertwined, our arms holding each other, his face is buried in the crook of my neck, my chin is placed delicately on top of his head. I missed waking up like this.
He takes a deep breath, still sleeping. The puff of air on my neck makes me shiver. I take a deep breath myself, the scent of his hair flows inside my nose. I can't help but smile and hold him tighter.
It's been a tough couple of months, Josh has never been away for so long. I missed him dearly. We tried to text and call each other everyday, but not being able to feel him was painful. I've been longing for this moment we're having for so long, my heart feels warm.
I wonder how was it like for him. I wonder if it hurted him as badly as it hurted me. I wonder if he thought about breaking up.
I did.
Not because of the distance, though. I missed him, it was hard, it hurted, but I knew it was temporary. I knew I would wake up one day and he would be holding me, just like he is now. Not having him for a while is better than not having him at all.
But I started to feel bad about our relationship, I felt selfish. He is supposed to be a free bird, flying around the world, meeting new places, new people, having new experiences. But he's not truly free. He's locked in this relationship cage. I feel like I'm keeping him from having the full experience.
He moves a little, cuddling a bit more, taking me away from my thoughts. My right hand is placed on his back, I move it delicately upwards, feeling every bit of his skin. When I reach his shoulder, I move it down his arm, then I take it to his curls. I let my fingers get lost there, caressing it like I know he loves.
He lets out a low moan and starts trailing kisses from my neck to my jaw. When he stops and looks at me, his face is a pair of loving eyes, my favorite nose and a fond smile.
"I would kiss you, but I'm betting my breath smells terrible." His voice is low and raspy; he's naked, glued to my body. I can't help but shiver and pull his hair a little.
"I don't really mind. I'm pretty sure mine is bad too, so I can't complain." He giggles, pressing his lips very lightly against mine.
"How long have you been awake?" He asks, pulling away.
"About five minutes, I guess."
"Just thinking?"
"Just thinking."
"About what."
"About how much I love you." He hides his face on my neck, faking shyness.
"And how much is that?"
"Just a little bit, but the sex is good, so I'm keeping you." He actually laughs at that, the sound making me laugh along.
"God, you have no idea how much I missed you." He gives me a peck on the lip and go back to cuddling. He uses my chest as a pillow, I start to caress his hair again.
The bedroom grows silent. The only sound in there is the resulting of our beating hearts. And then there's my voice.
"Josh?" He makes a sound of acknowledgement. "Are you happy with me?"
"What kind of nonsense is that?" He asks, lifting his body so he's facing me. "Of course I'm happy with you. Why are you asking this?"
"I don't know. It may sound stupid, but I've been feeling selfish for keeping our relationship."
"Well, it is kind of stupid. How can you be selfish when all you do is bring light and joy to my life?" He lets go of me, sitting with his back on the headboard.
"It's just that... I don't know, Josh. You're traveling around the world, meeting new, different people everyday. And I'm here, away from you. And sometimes is like you're trapped, you can't do something you want because of someone who's not even there."
"What is it I wanna do that I can't? You think I wanna sleep with someone else?"
"I don't know. Do you?"
"Y/N, I'm human, I do have needs. And yes, sometimes I fucking miss sex, and kissing, and cuddling. But it doesn't matter, because it's with you I wanna do those things. You. No one else. So I wait, and it's a good wait, you know? Because I find you at the end of it."
His knuckles come to caress my cheek. "Come here," he says, bringing me to straddle his lap. "I love you when I'm here and I love you when I'm not. You're the one, remember? It haven't changed."
"I love you, Josh. With all my heart."
He brings me closer for a kiss, deep and passionate, then he pulls away, holding me. He takes a deep breath on the crook of my neck and goes up a bit, brushing his lips on my ear.
"We're naked." He whispers, like he's telling me a dirty secret.
"I know." I whisper back.
"Wanna repeat last night?"
