Isaac and Liam

Chapter 4

Liam

I hated myself for not being able to stop thinking about him. What was it about that kid that got under my skin?

I should stop thinking of him as a kid. He was just barely 4 years younger than I was.

What annoyed me was that I had new feelings for a boy I could no longer pretend didn't exist anymore.

This had never happened to me before.
I had had my fair share of experimenting like normal boys but it had never been more than comparing sizes or touching each other as dares.

Maybe a kiss or two thrown in there, mostly drunken dares. I had never considered dating boys. I was all for the rainbow. Had I been in denial all this time?

The crazy thing was that, I was begining to notice the little things about other guys. It was like a switch had been turned on.

I noticed that Craig from down the block had nice green eyes that sparkled when he laughed. George from the butchery Meat Cute had huge biceps. He needed those to haul those carcasses.

Now whenever a male customer was super nice, I would rack my brain if he was flirting or just being a decent human.

It resulted in me  blushing all over the place.

Even Evelyn had told me to stop being weird all the time. I couldn't help it. My imagination was running wild and I was struggling to control it. If I looked at a guy, my eyes inevitably went south of the waist.

I would freak out, what if they noticed? I was a jumble of nerves and hormones. It was like puberty all over again when I couldn't talk to cute girls.

Who would have thought Damien whom I had gone to college with was cute? He was my best friend, for god's sake.

Those dimples he had framed his smile. I knew I was in trouble. When I had told him about it sans his cute smile he had made fun of me.

He had laughed so hard tears streamed down his face. For a moment I regretted opening my heart to him.

He assured me that because I hadn't been laid in almost 2 months, it was messing with my brain.

As a proud pansexual he had offered himself to me if I was up for testing the waters. I had choked on the spaghetti meatballs when he said that.

It was all in my head, I wasn't ready to do anything about it. Ultimately I didn't want to cheat on Maddie, she deserved loyalty from me.

Besides, he was right, I shouldn't be stupid enough to be involved with school kids. With a million apps that can help me sort out my confusion, there were other ways to find the answers I needed.

I need not worry about the kid. It had been two weeks and I hadn't seen him since.

Maddie had postponed her visit yet again. I was tired of begging her to come home. Unfortunately I couldn't afford a ticket myself.

If I was being honest with myself, she really didn't sound eager to have me visit her. It was one excuse after another.

Sometimes I wasn't sure if we were still dating. It had been daily calls and a million texts from the beginning to being blue ticked.

The texts if returned were few and with few words. I wish she would just come out and say she no longer wanted to be with me.

^^^

"My son should be here any time soon. He's not the best at being punctual." I goodnaturedly smiled at the woman across from me.

"I'm glad you are able to tutor him. Mr. Turnbull highly recommends you."

"You are too kind." She smiled.

"He has a busy school schedule so I think 6-7pm should work. If you have time on weekends, the better. I need someone to mentor him he barely listens to his parents."

"I will try my best."

"Thats all I ask. Speaking of the devil, my son Zac. Sit here love, this is the tutor I was telling you last night. What do you prefer Liam or Mr. Hopkins?"

The words died on my lips. Was this some cruel twist of fate that the boy I dreaded seeing again was sitting opposite me?

He kept his eyes downcast. My first instinct was to refuse her but the check was burning a hole in my pocket. I really needed every penny.

What excuse would I give his mother?
I wanted to buy a ticket to go see Maddie. Our relationship needed resolving. I hadn't heard from here in almost a week. Did she still care?

"Love, correct your posture and show your tutor that I raised you to have manners. Greet him."

He raised his eyes and looked me straight in the eyes. Did my heart just skip a beat?

"How are you sir?" Even if his mother didn't hear that sarcasm, I did.

"Don't you dare embarass me ok. If he gives you any problems call me. Any insolense, obstinacy I'm just a phone call away.

You, if your grades don't improve, they won't be anymore football for you." She kissed his forehead and left the two of us alone.

I didn't know what to say to him.

"This wasn't my plan. If I had known it was you, I would have refused."

"Why?"

"You know why. How am I supposed to concetrate on schoolwork when all I want is to be all over you?" I felt excitement course through me at his words but I kept my face neutral.

"If you feel that you can't work with me, I might as well let your mom know now and I will return her money."

"Don't." He grabbed my hand and bumped into the tea cup his mom had left and it rattled against the saucer.

He withdrew his hand. Was I going to be able to work with him and maintain the boundaries?

"I honestly tried to stop thinking about you. The more I tried, the more I couldn't stop. You know. What must I do?" 

He had hunched his shoulders and looked down.

"Its stupid I know. I have had crushes before but with you it's not going away. I mean, I kissed Tomas, that's why he was beating me up that day.

I thought he liked me. Am I ever going to get it right? All the boys I like, don't like me back?"

He knew exactly what to say to tug hard at my heartstrings. I had resolved to harden my heart against anything to do with him. Yup, I was failing.

"Hey, unrequited feelings aren't the end of the world. By the way, stop going around kissing random guys, next time you might get more than bruises."

"That's the thing, with Tomas I knew he didn't like me like that but I did it anyway. I was sick of his homophobic jokes. I wanted to provoke him; you know shut him up.

But with you, I just knew. I knew you liked me too. I felt it when you touched my hand, my face and when you looked at me."

"You said you were an adult act like it. You don't have to say everything you are thinking or feeling."

"How will you know then?" I hated his logic. He was smart and I suspected his poor grades were because he didn't apply himself.

"Look. I want to be your tutor and I'm good at it. But I can only do it if you are not distracted. I don't think it will work between us. I'm calling your mom and returning her money."

"I know I need help. If I stopped talking of my feelings will you reconsider?"  

"Yes. Are you sure you can do it and be business minded whenever you come here. We can be friends but only about your school work."

"Yes."

We spent the greater half of the hour going through the subjects he needed help with and discussed the schedule and expectations.

He had hinted that he preferred to have the tutorial sessions upstairs but I didn't trust myself.

I needed the openness of the cafe to remind me to always be on good behaviour and Evelyn's evil eye on me kept me in check.