Before I die

Lilianna

It's just another average day in the hospital, my heart monitor beeping in its usual depressing way, the nurses running in and out of rooms checking on patients and then there's me, sitting in my bed staring out of the big window that looks out onto the city. It's tall skyscrapers reaching for the sky, fancy restaurants and cafes that are way too overpriced and couples holding hands whilst walking around looking into each other's eyes with a deep connection that I knew I'd never have with anyone, because come on who could ever love me. I'm sick. Besides guys these days go for the skinny girls with deep blue eyes and a stunning tanned figure, not someone who spends most of their days having blood tests and taking strange medications every five fucking minutes.
"Knock Knock" I hear at my hospital room door and a few seconds later my doctor walks in. He's a middle aged man with hazel green eyes which are enlarged by his square shaped glasses.
"How are you today Lilliana?" He asks me.
"Fine thanks Doc how about you?"
He sighs and shrugs, "Okay."
Something seems strangely off with him today, he's usually much more energetic and talkative so I immediately know something is wrong. I ask him what's up and he sits down on the bed. Suddenly my heart skips a beat because I know something is going on and I'm about to get a serious piece of news.
"Lilliana I'm so sorry but your condition has taken a turn for the worse and I'm afraid you don't have as long as you thought you did left."
I feel tears welling up in my eyes and try to hold them back, " what do you mean?" I ask.
"You only have 4 months left to live Lilliana I'm so sorry."
It was impossible to hold the tears back now. They ran down my face and I tried to be strong but it was too hard. Its heartbreaking to be told when your 17 years old that your life is going to end, that you can't live your dreams and go to drama school, get married and have kids because no, none of that is going to happen to me. I'm never going to have anyone that loves me, I'm never going to get anything I want in life because of this shit disease that is consuming my life and soon it's going to end it.
I'm going to die alone but hey don't feel sorry for me because I'm fucking used to never having all the things people these days take for granted so I know now that my dreams are gone forever and I'm never going to fulfil them.
Never.