Undiagnosis

Intro

Kidney pain, dysuria, proteinuria, high blood pressure, shortness of breath, joint pain, swelling of the joints, bullshit immune system, sudden weight loss, nausea, vomiting, heart palpitations, fatigue, and hot flashes. It's long and it's only growing.

I wake up every day with the hope that I'm a day closer to a diagnosis; that only lasts about 10 minutes, then I realize the despair that's been building for years is still there and it's not going away anytime soon. 3 years ago was a much simpler time...I knew close to nothing about medicine and now that I think about it, I liked it that way.

2016. In study hall. I was fine one moment, but to tears, the next, squirming in my chair not knowing what the fuck was happening to me. 7th grade is when all of this started and I had no idea what monster this one pain was going to turn into and how little it would be compared to what I feel now. I felt as if I had been stabbed in my back, which is what you expect in middle school but this time, with no warning at all. I didn't even know what a fucking kidney was, where it was, or what it did but trust me, I found out. Now that I think about all of this, I look back and think that I felt as if something had woken up inside of me. And I wasn't wrong. My disease had broken straight through me as if it was a dormant volcano just waiting to erupt and fuck up my life and when it did, I was terrified.