Let Me Sleep

Chapter 12

Michelle was getting ready to leave the house before her shift at the hospital when I came home.

"I have some news."

"Good news?"

"Yeah. So, Professor Hudson--or Leo, whatever--tested me and now he'll let me work on real stuff in the lab."

"It's about time." She put her hands on her hips. "You shouldn't have had to take a test when you were already hired."

"Yeah... Oh well, I'm just excited to be productive now. I wanna celebrate or something... Oh yeah, the other news was that Jeff got engaged!"

"No way!" Michelle exclaimed. "He and Emmy are the cutest. I bet they'll have a beautiful wedding. And then beautiful babies. When you get invited to the wedding, can I be your plus-one?"

I laughed. "I don't know when it would be, and neither do they, but sure."

I'll probably still be single by the time the wedding comes.

I pictured what their future wedding could be like. Jeff and Emmy were really into the outdoors and hiking. Would they have an outdoor wedding? Would it be a small or large event? Would there be an open bar? Would I be able to drink my sadness away and meet a handsome man who can wife me up? Would the man be rich enough so I can drop out of school and never work again? I could be a housewife and never have any responsibilities. The possibilities were endless.

If I were to meet a guy at their wedding, I'd probably be 24. Then I would have to date him for at least a year before getting engaged. It usually takes a year to plan a whole wedding, making me around 26 to tie the knot. And what if I want kids by then? I mean I certainly didn't now at 23. How long do I need to stabilize my life with my future husband before having kids? I want to have enough money to give my children the best care they need. I don't want to be a bad parent. So if I really hopped on it, I would have my first child by 27.

I scared myself at this timeline. It would take me four years to have a child if I really got to work on finding a husband and all that. It was a good thing that getting married and having kids was my only goals in life.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Hm?"

"You've been standing there and staring for a solid minute."

"I was thinking about how sometimes I wish I could drop out of school and just marry rich. I think I'd make a bad housewife though."
"Yeah, you barely did laundry after a month. And how often do you clean up around here? Your husband would not want to come home to your mess."

I imagined my future husband kicking me out of the house for not doing shit. "Yeah, I'll just stay in school and become a pharmacist."

I still hoped I could marry rich though. I didn't want to worry about not paying the bills on time. I hated that I was behind on paying the rent and paying back Michelle. Oh, and paying back the professor for the book I ruined. I hated that I was in school and working two jobs but still not making enough to live.

Michelle changed into her navy blue scrubs and headed out for work. I ate dinner and cleaned up the apartment a bit. I imagined myself as a housewife that wanted her husband to come home to a sparkling home. This motivated me to clean faster, and in turn I could go to sleep earlier. Sleep would be my reward/celebration for meeting Professor Hudson's standards today.

Except it was now ten o'clock and I couldn't get myself to relax.

Did I drink too much coffee? I laughed at my own thought. 'Too much' coffee doesn't exist.