Not okay.
I keep thinking that I'll be fine, that every single shitty emotion that I have will pass you know? But nope. I miss him, and I hate admitting it because I really want and desire to be... okay. I want to be able to laugh and feel happiness course throughout my body. I'm tired of feeling ashamed of my feelings, of wanting to hide them because I'm tired of telling everyone my shit. I'm tired of being annoying, because even though the don't say that I know that every time I have a breakdown like right now, I go to them. I have hours of conversation with them while I'm crying revolving around a fucking breakup that happened months prior. I SHOULD BE FUCKING OKAY BY NOW. But I'm not. I've noticed that over time I'm just getting worse and worse, now I refuse to admit that to myself or to anyone else, so I just stay shut about it. I'm tired of the attention even though in a way I'm the one asking for it. Every time I post some depressing ass shit, that's asking for attention, every time I text someone revolving around my problems, that's asking for attention... But that's not my intention... When I leave something inside me without posting about or telling someone it kills me..... it hurts.... it haunts me.... shit fucking destroys me... So yeah I ask for attention but what I seek from that is closure...... I don't have a home in a person anymore... I'm homeless... My heart needs that home..... If it doesn't have it. It's going to die. And I'm scared that I'm gonna die with it too. Now that shit sounds fucking dramatic but I can't put it in any other words..... So either take it the right way or start thinking that I'm fucking suicidal but honestly at this point, I'm not sure if killing myself is a line I'm not willing to pass. Right now death isn't something I'm scared of.
YOU ARE READING
The Story Of My Life
RandomThe Story Of My Life is a book composed of unrelated pieces of writing, of which most were written during stressful times or after a very long crying session. This is my unique way of crying out for help, I hope you all enjoy my tears and sucky piec...
