The White Sheep's Disguise ✓

Chapter 22

On the dragon ride back to Gudgeon Village, I'm accompanied only by Gustus. He doesn't speak much other than to point out his favorite places to visit in the Farm Territory. Small villages cluttered with ant-sized people or peaked buildings stretching towards the sky to scrape against the beast's underbelly.

Dragons are foreign to me, I never received the privilege to ride one as a child, so the world underneath our flight, thousands of feet below, makes me nauseated. Not only that, but the constant threat lingering over my head. Gustus promises that I'll make it out alive, Cloak will come around soon enough with a stern talking to, but I reason to believe that this will be the end.

I don't want it to. My parents promised me I'd have a long life if I kept a strong head on my shoulders, but that hasn't protected me in the slightest. I realized quickly that anything involving the Raven Queen and her family can't possibly be a good thing, leading me to wonder if Gustus is truly on my side.

Though I can't say they're all bad. The day before I was meant to head back to Gudgeon Village, I ran into Setsuko in the library. She was sitting by herself, huddled near the dusty light of a window and squinting at a passage on potions for severe, untreatable pain. I sat in the chair opposite hers, brushing the dust off a leather-bound book about the Void Queen's reign over Rivian years ago, and sparked a conversation about my paralyzed brother.

Like everyone else, she tried her best to reveal sympathy. Castiel was not there, but the memory of his weak lower half, unused after three years, flashed a similar feeling into her skull. I still can't bear to wonder if he sees his disability as my fault rather than the Void Queen's. Regretting trying to save his sister's life might be the biggest downfall of his young years. No one challenges a leader that strong, especially not a young boy looking to make a hero of himself.

I told Setsuko of Castiel's wheelchair and how he can't stand to climb out of bed and into another coffin for the day's waking hours. The tension of having to return home built up in my throat after so long, and I ended up blurting the truth about my marriage to Rylan and how it's simply an exchange of goods—ownage—until I can find another way to pay for his remedies.

At first, she blinked at me with uncertain knowledge of what to say. Shock paled her features and though she tried to put on a brave smile, I saw right through the soft lines of her expression. Enough tired and overused meanings of sympathy have come my way over the past years that I don't bother falling at the feet of those that give them anymore. Either way, someone always believes my life should be better, but I know no other way.

She reminded me that I'm in charge of my fate. Not Cloak, not Rylan, not my past, or the Raven Queen sitting peacefully on her throne and waiting for me to complete an impossible job. Our talk in the gardens brightened my spirits, yes, but that's not enough to save my life. She may seem kind, Setsuko said as such, but she possesses an unnatural ability to spin her personalities from one end of the spectrum to the next.

I must look out for my life. Not even Cloak comes into play here and I'll do whatever means necessary to give myself more than what the queen granted at the beginning of all this. A member of the queen's family wouldn't understand the struggle of ordinary peasants—what they define my kind as in this palace—so I won't bother questioning their judgment. Nor agreeing with it.

We didn't receive the chance to dive deeper into Setsuko's past besides where she used to live, for Aela appeared from behind a fully stacked shelf and requested Setsuko come to visit their mother. They had matters to discuss her lessons on poisons. I don't care to know what they're planning to make, or who they plan to use it on. I can only hope that concoction doesn't find its way into my throat someday.

Aela had stared at me, studying every bit of my features to remember for later before turning on her heel to follow her kinder, gentler sister. I received the impression she doesn't care for me, but I haven't seen her since that first day in the palace and flashes of her in the gardens when she followed her mother to ensure I didn't try anything out of my realm of skill.