The Emmanuel Sisters

Chapter 13 Back to Love

When John got out of the shower, he could have swore he heard Love crying in her room next door, but then the crying stopped....
Love was still in a deep sleep, her body was in Africa, but her spirit was still in the past, in New York....
The next morning, after the fire, when Love woke up in her uptown Manhattan hotel room, her eyes were puffy and red. Love realized she wasn't dreaming, Hope and Ms. Armstrong had died in a fire last night. She whispered to herself, "they're dead". She grabbed some more tiny booze bottles and fell back to sleep. She slept through the rest of that following day.
When Monday morning came she finally got up out of the bed and she took a shower in the hotel room. She looked at herself in the mirror and at sixteen years old she felt more like she was sixty.
She remembered Ms. Armstrong saying to her, "you can be anything you want to be". If nothing else, Love, knew she was a survivor, and she knew that whatever she was going to be in life now, she no longer wanted to be herself anymore. She wanted to put all the painful memories and her past life away forever. She wanted to put New York behind her forever. Since she was alone in this world she knew she had to look out for herself, because no one else was going to.
Before the fire, Love had planned on spending the summers off from college in New York to be close to her sisters, Hope and Faith, but now she just wanted to get as far away from New York and she wanted to do it as fast as possible. Hope was dead and Faith didn't need her, she was probably better off without her in her life.
Love called the airlines to see if she could exchange the plane ticket she brought for August for a flight leaving out first thing that same day. They told her if she could make it to the airport in time they had a flight leaving within the next two hours. So Love caught a cab to the airport, she boarded her first plane ever, and she sat in first class. A few days ago she was filled with excitement about taking her first flight and flying in first class. Now that the moment was here she just stared out the window, unimpressed and feeling empty inside. She eventually fell asleep and she didn't enjoy one second of the extra amenities she was previously looking forward to getting while sitting in first class, because she slept until the plane landed.
To the other passengers and the flight attendants, Love looked like a tired, hung over rich kid with her bloodshot red eyes hidden behind sunglasses and her designer clothes. Before she fell asleep, Love told the flight attendant she wasn't in the mood for anything, but maybe an alcoholic drink. The flight attendant looked at her suspiciously, "honey aren't you a little too young for a drink?"
Love admitted that she was too young to drink, but thought it was worth a shot. Then she fell fast asleep.  When the plane landed, she made a promise to herself, that she would be someone new. She would leave behind the girl she was and the life she had before she boarded that plane.
As she stood waiting for her suitcases at the baggage claim a young man in kakis and a blue jacket stood next to her. He had dirty blond hair and a nice smile.
"Hi, I was sitting on the plane right across from you, I don't know how you managed to sleep through that awful flight. I wanted to kiss the ground when the plane landed and we got off."
"I didn't feel anything, guess I had a pretty rough night last night." Love wasn't in the mood to talk, but didn't want to be rude.
"Yeah, I know how that is last day of enjoying your very short summer vacation before getting back to the life of academia. I'm taking classes this summer to make up for the one's I goofed off and dropped last semester. I'm Jonathan, what's your name?"
"My name is Love, and actually I'll be starting my freshman year, at Harvard this semester. I was accepted for early admissions, and at first I decided to wait till the fall, but I figured why not start early, I've got nothing better to do."
"Well that's great, I'm a junior at Harvard. Do you have a ride already to the University, because if you don't you can share mine. We can stop at the café and get some java on the way in. Although, after that long nap you had on the plane, I guess you are probably wide awake now."
"Thanks, I'll take you up on that ride, and the coffee too. I think I could still use a pick me up."
Love had never had coffee before, but today she was starting new. If drinking coffee is what preppies in college did than that was what she was going to drink also.
Once Love and her new friend, Jonathan had retrieved their baggage, Love followed Jonathan to the front of the airport. There was a limousine driver waiting at the door for Jonathan. The driver looked very professional. "Mr. McDaniel, nice to see you Sir, did you enjoy your brief time off?"
"Yes, I had a great time Dave. Oh, Dave, this is Love. She's starting her freshmen year at Harvard.
Can you get her bags for her please? She will be driving in with us."
"Of course Sir, and very nice to meet you Ma'am."
Love made sure to act polite, but unimpressed, and she simply said "nice to meet you too and thank you" to Dave, when he took her bags. Once they were in the limousine, Jonathan said, "Love", that's a very interesting name."
Love smiled, and said, "I know".
"So what's your last name?"
Love had already put in for a name change when she was
emancipated and it was approved. She had long ago decided she didn't want to go by her Nana's last name, Emmanuel,  anymore. "King, my name is Love E. King."
"What's the E stand for?"
"Oh nothing important."
When Love checked into admissions she made sure she
showed them all the proper court paperwork so that they officially struck any records of the old Love Emmanuel, ward of the state, and replaced it with the name of the newly emancipated and full tuition merit scholarship student, Love E. King.
From that day on, Jonathan took Love under his wings, and the two of them became instant friends. Most of the other students started to think Love and Jonathan had a thing between them, but their friendship was always very platonic.
Love knew Jonathan was gay, but for his own reasons, no one at school knew. Eventually Jonathan grew to trust Love so much that he told her. Love promised him she would never tell. She didn't care what he was, besides she knew all about having secrets you didn't want others to know about.
Jonathan had a boyfriend back home in New York. His boyfriend went to NYU and their relationship had been going on for over three years. Love shared with Jonathan that she was from New York also, but that was about the only thing from Love's past that she told Jonathan, or anyone else about her at Harvard.
Everyone Love met in college thought she was a rich girl from somewhere in New York. Sometimes Love would travel to Jonathan's home in New York on the weekends. Although, he lived in New York it wasn't "her" New York. Jonathan live way out in Long Island. Everywhere Love looked there were green grass, trees and Jonathan's family even owned horses. Jonathan's New York was nothing like Love's New York, and because it wasn't she visited him as often as he would invite her. A few times he would ask about her family and when she would invite him for a weekend. Finally, she lied and told Jonathan her parents' were prejudiced, and that most of all they definitely did not want their daughter to bring anyone home who wasn't rich or black, or at least had 1/8 black blood in them. Jonathan sort of got a kick out of that. He thought it was hilarious that he was the victim of reverse discrimination. He would joke Love and say, "finally the rich, white man is the one being discriminated against."
He understood how Love must have been embarrassed of her parents' beliefs yet afraid to stand up to them. He could never bring himself to tell his own parents that he was gay. He knew it would kill them. They were very religious and even more so very worried about what everyone at their church and community thought about them. Jonathan was sure they would hate him and maybe even disown him if he ever came out.
But Jonathan's parents didn't care about color at all. Eventually Jonathan's parents saw so much of Love that they assumed she was Jonathan's new girlfriend. So Love, Jonathan and his boyfriend Christopher, (who Jonathan's parents thought was their son's best friend), hung out together almost every weekend. Christopher's brother would also hang out with them on the weekends, so that Love wouldn't feel like a third wheel.
Love truly grew to care for Jonathan. Her friendship with him was the closest relationship she had in her life during her time at Harvard. But still, she lied to Jonathan. He didn't really know her and she wondered if he did would he still like her, would he still want to be her friend?
Jonathan suspected Love didn't tell him everything, but he never questioned her. He understood she was a very private person and he respected her privacy.
Being friends with Jonathan helped Love keep up her pretend persona as the rich, black kid from the suburbs. Love was on a full merit scholarship, she didn't need to worry about money for school, books or her living expenses, as long as she kept her grades up. Still she needed money to keep up with the rich kids she had become acquainted with. She started school with every fashion label imaginable, benefits of her bribery of the group home guard. But she couldn't keep up appearances with the same wardrobe she had started school with for the next four years. Love needed money to keep up with the other rich kids, if she was going to continue to pretend she was one of them. She needed money for the clothes, money to keep up with the partying, with the weekend ski trips and spring breaks in Fort Lauderdale, all of that took money to keep up her charade.
But Luck so happen that not all the men Jonathan knew were gay. Connor was Jonathan's boyfriend's brother. Connor was the polar opposite of his brother Christopher. Christopher was gay, but Connor was a well known ladies man. Although Connor was now engaged to be married, he was very attracted to Love, and he did not try to
hide it, even on his wedding day.
Jonathan brought Love to Connor's wedding as his formal date. Only Connor knew Jonathan was really his brother's date and not Love's date.
Connor's bride was a debutante socialite, more concerned about having the best wedding ever than she was about having the best marriage ever. After the honeymoon she was always away and involved in some social event to stay within the best social circles. Therefore, Connor was left with a lot of free time on his hands. On the weekends he stayed with his brother Christopher at their family's beach house to pass the time. Jonathan and Love would come to visit often, and Connor was flirting more and more with Love during each stay.
So it didn't take Love long to disregard the fact that he was married, she rationalized, he certainly doesn't act like he's married.
Late one night while on spring break, Jonathan, Christopher, Connor, and Love were all hanging out at the two brothers' beach house in the Hamptons. Jonathan and Christopher had turned in early for the night. They left Love and Connor alone out on the beach. They all had been drinking and smoking marijuana all night out by the bonfire on the beach.
Love felt very relaxed and very comfortable around Connor. During the past year of spending time together they had become good friends, although the physical attraction between them was undeniable they had denied themselves of each other until this night.
They had been flirting with each other since the very first day they met. Connor was also very unhappy in his marriage. It didn't take long for him to realize that his new wife was more interested in her social calendar than spending time with her husband. So that night Connor couldn't think of anything to keep him from leaning over to kiss Love for the first time.
Love had wanted Connor to kiss her since the first day she had met him. That first kiss from Connor almost made her forget all about the group home guard's disgusting kisses on her lips. That was Love's first and last kiss from a man up until this moment with Connor.
Connor was nothing like the guard. The only thing the two of them had in common, were that they were both married men.
After a while Love and Connor's kisses became really heated. She wanted to make love to Connor. She had never felt like that with the group home guard; that was just a business arrangement. In that moment, she wanted to make love to Connor more than anything she'd had ever wanted before.
Connor was pulling down Love's bikini, and for a split second she felt guilty and she breathlessly whispered, "wait, you're married, maybe we should...."
Connor had been holding back his feelings for Love for a year now, and he didn't want to hold back any longer.
"I don't love her, and I don't even think she loves me. I want to leave her."
And after that, Love didn't give him anymore objections.
Both of them were already high. Love felt as if they were making love while floating. She didn't think sex could feel so good. She wondered if it was the drinks, the marijuana, or was it just him. The two of them woke up the next morning on the beach, wrapped in the beach blanket. Love's head felt a little hazy, but she did remember what had happen between them that night. Now that she was clear headed she regretted what she had done. Connor was married and they were all friends.
"Connor, what did we do?" She was making a statement, but Connor thought she literally did not remember what had happened and that she was actually asking him, what had happened between the two of them last night.
"We made love. Don't you remember? It was beautiful, and you are beautiful Love. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh God, I'm so sorry, I thought you wanted to, but I realize now I took advantage of you. You were high and drinking, I should have known better, I shouldn't have..." And for the first time Connor really took a good look at Love. He thought to himself, "she is so tall, and sexy, but when I really look at her face, in the bright early morning sunlight, with no trace of makeup on it, my God she looks like a child, like a little girl."
Then Connor asked Love, "how old are you anyway, Love? I mean I know you go to Harvard with Jonathan, but you've never actually mentioned your age."
Connor had always assumed Love was at least the same age as his brother, Christopher, who was a senior at NYU, and his brother's boyfriend Jonathan was also a senior, but at Harvard, where Love attended. Jonathan and Christopher were twenty one, and Connor was four years older than them. Connor didn't realize that Love was only in her sophomore year, he just assumed she was also a senior.
Love answered him nonchalantly, "I'm seventeen, but soon I'll be 18." Love never worried about her age. She was always naturally more mature than her peers, and she was always mistaken for being older, because she was usually the tallest girl in the room. A little make up and she easily passed for being in her twenties.
You're not serious Love? You're only seventeen?"
"I graduated early from high school. So I started my first year at Harvard at sixteen, and I'm a sophomore now, and now I'm seventeen, but like I said I'll be 18 soon. Christopher and Jonathan know how old I am, I just figured you did too."
Connor was just silent at first he felt like a child molester. He couldn't believe she wasn't even eighteen yet.
"No Love, neither one of them ever mentioned it. The two of them are always so wrapped up in their own relationship, haven't you noticed. I think they were just relieved that they didn't have either one of us here as a third wheel, and we would give them some time alone. It never even dawned on me to ask you how old you were. I just assumed since you are in college and friends with Jonathan, that you were at least the same age as him."
Love never thought much about her age. After all she had been through a lifetime of sorrows already, she definitely didn't feel like she was only seventeen. So she just said, "oh."
Then another shocking thought came into Connor's head, and he just blurted it out. "Love, this wasn't your first time was it?"
Love was quiet, and she couldn't find the courage to answer him. All she started to think about was that horrible memory of her first time, and then tears started falling from her eyes.
Connor immediately thought to himself, "God, this was her first time. I'm a real jerk, not only did I take advantage of a drugged up underage girl, but I also took her virginity." What Connor didn't know was that Love was crying because, she had a flash back about her very first time with the group home guard and the crying had nothing to do with him. In fact she wanted to be with him, she enjoyed it and she wasn't high enough to not remember it all.
What was making her cry was all those memories flooding her mind of the sweaty disgusting guard from the group home, the smell of the urine in the abandoned building, the dirty mattress, and how disgusting she felt afterwards. She had blocked those memories out for years and now it was all coming back to taunt and shame her. It was all too disgusting to think about, and she was sure Connor would be disgusted with her if she ever told him about her past experience.
So she decided she would simply answer him honestly and say "no, that it was not her first time", without all the details. But before she could even stop crying and answer Connor, he started kissing the tears rolling down her cheeks and he started talking softly to her again.
"Love, please don't cry, I'm so sorry. Your first time should have been special. Instead it was with a married jerk. A married jerk who took advantage of a young girl that had too
to drink and too much weed.
Love was so touched by Connor's reaction. She thought Connor would treat her like a slut, and that her relationship with him would be another kind of business arrangement. Love looked at Connor and she could see he was sincere, that he cared about her. She wanted to make love to him again. She didn't care that he was married. She wasn't concerned about what he could give her in return. She just was so attracted to him physically and emotionally, and she wanted to be with him more than anything. So she decided then that she would let him continue to believe in his assumptions about her, because she didn't want to lose that way he looked at her by telling him the truth.
"Connor, don't worry about it, make love to me again while the sun is rising on the horizon, and this time I promise I will remember everything. I can't think of a more beautiful or special moment, like this one. So let's pretend like this time is my first time."
He did exactly what she asked. He thought it felt like their bodies were made for each other. Afterwards, he wanted to spoil her so that day he took Love shopping. He brought her enough clothes to last her the rest of the year, and he brought her, her first diamond necklace.
Later, Love told her friend Jonathan what had happened between her and Connor. Jonathan had no problems with Love's secret relationship with Connor, just like Love had no problems with his secret relationship with Christopher. The only thing was that Jonathan worried that Love would end up getting hurt by Connor. He knew this was inevitable.
When Jonathan and Love returned to school that weekend they had formed an even closer bond by the sharing of their mutual secrets. A few days after Love had been back to school from spring break, she received a package from Connor. Inside was a credit card, with her name Love E. King on it, a cell phone and a round trip ticket to Jamaica to meet him for the upcoming weekend was also in the package.
Love thought to herself, "it doesn't get much better than this." If she had any guilt at all about her relationship with Connor, it was hidden away somewhere deep in her subconscious. So Connor funded Love's extracurricular activities, and  living expenses the rest of the time Love was attending Harvard.
Eventually, Love felt herself starting to have deep feelings for Connor, and that made her feel vulnerable. She started to think about him, and miss him too much. She hated feeling like that, and she wanted to make those feelings go away, but she didn't know how.
About a month after returning to school after spring break Love realized she had missed her period. She knew she was pregnant and she knew it was Connor's, and she also knew she didn't want it.
She did feel like she was falling in love with Connor, but she still did not want a baby. She told Jonathan about it first. Jonathan tried to talk her out of it, but she told him she had made up her mind and she made him promise not to tell anyone. She ensured Jonathan that she was fine with what she was doing, and that she didn't have any doubts or guilt about what she was going to do. She just wanted her friend Jonathan to be there with her in case something went wrong. So Jonathan suggested they tell their friends at Harvard that they were going on a weekend trip to stay at his family beach house in the Hamptons and that once they were there they could take care of it somewhere discreet.
After Love's procedure her and Jonathan were riding back to the beach house in the cab. Love had dosed off in Jonathan's arms. She started dreaming about her own mother, who she barely knew, and her Nana.....
It was Love's birthday. She was turning four. Although she was so young, she still remembered the day clearly in her dream. Love's mother and father were temporarily staying with Nana while they tried to get clean, once again. Love's mother was pregnant with Hope at the time. Nana had just finished baking Love's cake and putting the icing and candles on top. Love ran into the bedroom with excitement to ask her mother if she was coming to watch her blow out the candles and sing happy birthday.
Love's father had just left her mother, stating he didn't want her anymore and her mother was also going through withdrawals. She was definitely not in her right frame of mind. She had good intentions in trying to get herself clean for herself, her child and the unborn baby she had in her belly. But her body wanted the drugs so badly she felt bitterness towards the child in her belly, who had forced her to stop taking the drugs. She felt bitterness about having any children at all with a man who had just walked out on her, once again. Now her first child, Love, and her first burden, was standing in front of her, getting on her very last nerve, talking about some damn birthday cake, while she was in excruciating pain from withdrawals. So she unleashed all that bitterness and pain on her first born, Love.
"I don't care about your damn birthday, if it wasn't for you, if I would have gone ahead and got rid of you when I had the chance, maybe my life wouldn't be worth nothing like it is now, maybe I would have had a better life by now."
Love was young, but she still knew exactly what her mother meant when she said, "get rid of you." She had heard Nana turn girls away many times saying she was a midwife that helped bring life into the world, not take it away.
Love ran into Nana's room, shut the door behind her and she started sobbing. Nana had overheard what her daughter Esther had said and she went to go check on Love. Nana scooped Love up in her arms, and then she said, "Love remember, every child is precious to God, even when you feel like no one else in the world loves you, remember God loves you, for the bible says, "He guided my conception and formed me in the womb. He knew you even before He formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born He set you apart."
Then Nana said, "I love you, and even if it don't seem like it your mama and daddy love you too. They are just having such a hard time loving themselves right now, and if you don't love yourself it's impossible to really love another person the way God intended you love them, even if it's your own child. Most of all always remember, God loves you, He loved you first before anyone else loved you, because he knew you first, before you were even born while you were still in your Mama's belly."
The cab came to a stop in front of the beach house. Jonathan woke Love up. "Love we're here. We're at the beach house."
Love looked out at the beach house. The memory of her dream and Nana's words were still fresh in her mind. She thought to herself, "I killed a precious child and innocent being for my own selfish reasons. No matter how bad off my mother was she still never did that. Maybe I didn't love it, but God did. I
know God and Nana will never forgive me for this. This is worse than anything else I have ever done."
At that moment Love could not contain her sorrow, shame and pain for the terrible thing she felt she had just done, she broke down sobbing uncontrollably. She hated herself, she knew she had done some bad things, but she had always been able to justify them in the past, but there was no justifying things, not this time. She hated herself most of all because she couldn't honestly say that she was positive she would have done things differently if given a second chance. She still didn't feel ready to have a baby, and the temptation of getting rid of her problem was just the easiest solution for her, even now she couldn't say to herself she wouldn't have done it again. She thought, "what kind of person am I, knowing in my heart it was wrong, and still I can't say I would not have done it if I could go back in time and change things?"
Love felt that she had become this Godless monster, and she didn't know how to go about changing herself now. She decided that as soon as possible she would get her tubes tied, no child deserved to have someone as selfish as her as a mother and she didn't think she would ever want a child anyway.
Jonathan was filled with compassion for Love. He could not even begin to understand what she was going through. He had to carry her out of the cab and up to the beach house because she had fallen to pieces. He tried for hours to console her, but he couldn't, and finally he broke his promise to Love and he called his boyfriend Christopher. He explained to Christopher what was going on with Love. He asked him to call his brother, Connor and explain to him what had happened. Two hours later Connor arrived at the beach house. Jonathan was surprised, he wasn't sure if Connor cared enough about Love to do anything. He was just hoping for him to call and at least talk to her, but he never expected he would actually show up.
Connor thanked Jonathan for breaking his promise to Love. Then he ran up the stairs to her; her eyes were bright red from crying. He quietly took her into his arms and held her for a long time.
Knowing Connor cared enough to come and see her helped. Eventually she stopped crying while laying there in his strong, warm arms. After she stopped sobbing she took a long nap. When she woke up from her nap, Connor asked her why she didn't tell him she was pregnant. She simply said, "because you're married", and she didn't say anything more.
But the truth was she didn't want to tell Connor because she was partly afraid he would tell her to keep it and she knew that wasn't what she really wanted. Love felt like maybe Connor was already falling in love with her even though he hadn't said it yet. She still suspected he was because of the way he looked at her. She didn't want to be a mother or a wife to anyone. She didn't believe in things like marriage and family, none of that ever lasted in her opinion. But now Connor felt more in love with her and at fault for what he thought he had caused her to do. He was convinced he had taken away her innocence and virginity, and now he was also convinced that he had scarred her for life. He thought, "any other woman would have kept the child even if they didn't really want it, knowing that my family is one of the richest families in the world, but not Love. She assumed that I was married and wouldn't want the baby or her, she didn't care about using being pregnant to trap me, like so many other women would have done, just to get at my money." To Connor, Love was his innocent, child like mistress who he just wanted to take care of, now more than ever."
But the whole ordeal caused the opposite effect in Love. Love felt even more disconnected from God, and as a consequence she also felt even more disconnected from anyone else who tried to show her love. She didn't think she deserved to be loved by anyone now, and she didn't want to get close to anyone. She cared for Connor, and she may have even been in love with him, but not now. Now, she felt that she just couldn't let herself get close like that to him, and that she just wasn't capable of real love. And she felt she wasn't worthy of anyone else's love for her.
When Love returned to school that weekend, she swore she would never talk about what she had done ever again to anyone. But not talking about it couldn't stop her from thinking about it and feeling all those feelings of shame, guilt and self- hate. When she felt like that she found Jonathan and without even talking about it he already knew what was wrong. The two of them would go out, drink and party, until they end up doing something crazy that they regretted the morning after, like streaking through town or the time they went and got tattoos on their rear ends.
If it wasn't for her sophomore creative writing class, she may have been thrown out of school for her behavior problems, but no matter what she did she always managed to maintain straight A's. Still, it was obvious she needed another emotional outlet besides drinking and partying or she was on a short path to self destruction. Then one day her creative writing teacher gave the class a writing assignment to start journaling all their thoughts down every night. The journal was to be for the students' personal use only and was not required to be shared with the teacher or the class. Loved tried the teacher's suggestion and did the journaling assignment, and she realized then that she had a passion for writing. To her writing was therapeutic. Once she placed her feelings down on the paper she was able to somehow survive through another day. She started drinking and partying only on the weekends and she became more focused on school and her goals. She continued her affair with Connor until she graduated from law school, but she also had many encounters along the way with other men that she didn't tell Connor about, after the abortion. She always practiced safe sex but after the abortion sex became just a form of stress release without the feelings of love.
Jonathan remained her best friend, but even with him, she still kept her guard up. Her journal entries every night is the only time she totally let herself go.
After graduation Love attended Harvard Law School.
Love broke up with Connor shortly after law school, right after he presented her with divorce papers and an engagement ring. She wouldn't accept the ring or his proposal. After seven years of dating him she told him she just didn't love him enough to get married. Connor never spoke to her again. But she remained best of friends with Jonathan. They kept in touch with each other over the years, and Jonathan and Christopher was who she spent most every holiday with, until Jonathan died from contracting Aids. His death came the same year Love started working for Mr. Swanson's firm.
Apparently, Connor wasn't the only brother who was a cheater. Jonathan had always remained faithful to his lover Christopher. But Jonathan didn't know that when they were apart at their separate colleges Christopher was not being faithful to him, until years later after they had finally came out of the closet and moved in together. Jonathan went to the doctors, because he had a cold that was just not going away, and in fact seemed to be getting worse. The doctor asked Jonathan if he had ever been tested for the HIV virus, knowing that Jonathan was gay. Jonathan explained to his doctor that he was in a committed relationship with the same man he had been with since he was a senior in high school. Jonathan thought there was no possible way he could have contracted the virus. After the test came back positive, Christopher admitted to Jonathan that he was unfaithful in the past, back when they attended separate colleges. But Christopher had changed his ways years ago, when him and Jonathan had came out of the closet and started living together. Despite the betrayal Christopher and Jonathan stayed together until the end.
The last time Love saw Jonathan was in a hospital. At the time she was working as a clerk at the U.S. Supreme Court. When Christopher called her, she immediately drove from DC to New York, and went straight to the hospital to be with Jonathan. She could hardly recognize the beautiful boy she had been friends with for so many years. He was in the hospital bed looking so weak and sickly. Love immediately felt angry at Christopher for giving her best-friend this horrible disease. Jonathan saw her glaring at Christopher who sat in the chair in the corner of the hospital room.
Jonathan looked at Love and said, "even now, even now that I'm dying; I would not have done anything different. I love him. I always will. And I love you too. If I was not a gay man, you would have been my lover, and Christopher would have been my best-friend, I'm sure of it. In a perfect world that is how it would have been, and I would probably not be laying in this hospital bed now. But Love we don't live in a perfect world, and there is no such thing as perfect love or perfect people. Please forgive Christopher, because I forgive him."
Love promised Jonathan, she would forgive Christopher. She always knew they loved each other, and even now she could just feel the strength of their love.
That night Love lost Jonathan. She lost the one person she considered to be her best friend. Love took vacation time for
Jonathan's funeral, she needed time to grieve, time to get her head straight. She just couldn't return back to work. Losing Jonathan was like losing the only family she had left. Jonathan's funeral was the last time Love took any vacation time off.
A few weeks after his funeral Love was offered the job at Mr. Swanson's firm and she accepted. She needed the change of scenery, and moving from the east coast to the west coast seemed like the best way to make a fresh start. Plus the money they were offering was incredible. She had never been on the west coast before and she was ready to live life in the sun and leave behind all the darkness that had been her life.
It was ironic that the first person she met when she got to her new firm in California was a young lawyer named, Jonathan. Everyone at the firm called him John. This lawyer, John looked nothing like her old friend Jonathan, but he did possess the same warm smile and openness that Jonathan had possessed when he was alive. But he was a bit of a snoop. He asked a thousand questions. At first Love felt like he was interrogating her or either sizing up his competition when they first met, but eventually she realized he was just very nosey. As it wasn't long before she realized John was a hard person not to like. John was the perfect replacement friend for Love. He helped her cope with the lost of Jonathan in her life, without even knowing it. They began to have nightly conversations, where she actually opened up and told him all about her friend Jonathan, and how his death had devastated her. But when John would ask her
about the rest of her past and her family, she would simply say she was an orphan, and she refused to say anything more. Although she wouldn't totally open up to John, he did get her through that difficult time of getting past losing and grieving the death of the one real friend she had, and this eventually caused them to form a bond.
Love didn't think she would ever have a friend like Jonathan again, but John was definitely a close runner up. The big difference was that unlike Jonathan, John was definitely not gay. Love also felt an instant, extremely strong, physical attraction for John, and she could tell he felt it too. But Love didn't want a real relationship with any man, and she didn't want to get involved sexually with anyone she worked with. So she decided very early on, that John would remain, just a friend, and would never be anything more.