The Emmanuel Sisters

Chapter 20 Forgiven

Love had been very busy during the past six months, since she had returned to California. Her life was totally back to the norm, except for her weekend visits with her sisters. She could hardly believe just seven short months ago she was in Africa reuniting with her sisters after twenty years. After twenty years the three of them were so close you would have never thought they were ever apart.
Being partner at the firm proved to be even more demanding than she imagined. As a partner, she had much more responsibilities, but still her case load had not diminished any. The firm still assigned her all the high profile cases because her name alone as head attorney on a case meant a higher retainer. So Love had been working non-stop. Her new office that was designed to function as a second home had definitely been used as such. Love was spending much more time in her office now than ever before.
The firm made it easy to be a workaholic. At lunch time the firm's chef took orders for any partner who was going to take lunch in their office, and they did the same for dinner. Kevin, the partner's law clerk, usually had Love's breakfast and coffee waiting on her desk for her with the morning paper. She found herself eating all her meals in the office, whenever she was not in court. Also the firm had put a treadmill in her office because they knew she liked to exercise, she had a walk in closet to keep her work out gear and suits, and every partner's office also had a personal bathroom with an enclosed glass shower, and a Jacuzzi bathtub included. There was really no reason to go home. That is, if you were like Love and had nothing to go home to.
But despite Love's new demanding schedule, she kept her promise to her sisters and returned home to New York to visit them every weekend. The company jet flew her free of charge, every Friday night and returned her back to LA safely every Sunday morning while her sisters were attending church. She lived for the weekends and being reunited with her sisters once again. It was rare for her to hang out with any of her friends in LA. Every weekend she was home with her sisters, and she worked late every weekday. She used her Friday nights now to wrap up all her paperwork at the office, and then when she was finished she flew the jet to New York and caught a cab to Faith's old apartment, that Hope and Amir now lived in. The three of them usually met up with Faith on Saturday mornings.
Back in LA, she had no time left for partying or sleeping around, instead she wrote in her journal every night before she fell asleep. She worked all the time and hardly ever saw her girlfriends. She had even stopped seeing her boyfriends or boy toys.
When she thought about being intimate with a man, she only thought about John. When she did get an itch late at night that needed to be scratched, well she had gotten into the habit of fantasizing about John and then scratching it on her own. Still she didn't have the courage to call John, because she knew he wanted so much more than she thought she was capable of giving him. Love had intentionally stopped answering John's phone calls and emails, and she never once tried to contact John when she went to New York for the weekends. In fact the topic of John was so sensitive, that Faith and Hope, stopped bringing his name up around her anymore.
Love would get so defensive when they questioned her about John. Neither Hope or Faith understood why Love was so set on ending her friendship and any hope of a relationship with John. Especially after all Love had told them about John, and after all they had all been through in Africa. It was obvious by the look in Love's eyes when John's name was mentioned how much she cared for him, but bring herself to tell him.
It was midnight on a Friday night, and Love was still in her office in LA. She had been working on a high profile case that was set for a jury trial on Monday morning. The case was in all the papers, and a lot was riding on it for the firm. Love had contemplated not visiting her sisters this weekend, so that she could use the whole weekend to prepare for trial, and to take care of any last minute complications that may come up. But she didn't want to disappoint her sisters. She had not missed one weekend seeing them yet.
The case she was working on was a murder in the first degree case. It involved a young woman who was accused of murdering her own child, and trying to cover the murder up.
The autopsy showed the child was given an apparent overdose of Tylenol PM. Love's new client was twenty three years old, a single mom, and the father of her baby was a married man who she was having an affair with. He abandoned her once she informed him that she was pregnant. Cases where young, single, overwhelmed women have abused or neglected their newborn unfortunately were really nothing new under the sun. However, this case had become a high profile case, because of who the mother and father were. The mother was a young inspiring actress. She was new on the scene, but she was considered "hot" and "the next big thing" in Hollywood. The father was later found out to be a very famous movie star after the child's death became news and the media did their digging. The father was considered to be one of those rare things in Hollywood, an actor in a stable marriage. To make matters worse his wife was a three time Academy award winner.
Love's young client had quickly confessed under pressure to giving the child Tylenol PM and she also told authorities who the father was after they questioned her. DNA testing was done on the deceased child and the alleged father and it confirmed his paternity. The parties' entertainment agents and managers, tried to keep the information out of the news, but news this juicy can never stay secret. Now the father's publicist was trying her best to portray the prominent male actor as someone who did not know anything about the girl's pregnancy, and as a wonderful family man who made a terrible mistake. As penitence for his one-time mistake the tabloids all said, he was now spending everything he could to pay for the defense of the young lady he got into trouble. The prominent male actor had even started a charity up for "Single Mom's in Need."
But Love knew the truth. The truth was that he had knocked this naïve girl up, he tried to pay her off and convince her to get an abortion, and then he abandoned her when she wouldn't terminate the pregnancy, and he refused to answer any of her calls after the child was born. However terrible all the choices were the young woman had made, and however terrible the situation was she had gotten herself into, Love thought, "she still had one thing going for her. She had the best legal defense anyone in the world could afford. She had her." So despite the fact that the father of her child was a real jerk, he was a real jerk with lots and lots of money, and now Love's firm had full access to his money.
First thing Love did after she was assigned the case was get the girl a bond. Now her client stayed in a condo that her former lover was paying for. Love went to visit her client daily, to discuss the case, because the girl didn't want to leave her apartment and risk being seen in the public. Her picture was in all the papers. She had come from a Southern Baptist family, and her predicament was a real disgrace to her family.
No one in her family had contacted her ever since the news of her legal troubles had hit the stands. It was sad, but the woman actually considered Love to be her only friend now. Her ex-lover was still not taking her calls, even though he was flipping the bill for all of her expenses.
Love felt sorry for the girl. She had no criminal record of any kind, not even a traffic ticket. What she had going for her in Love's opinion was that her child's death was not premeditated murder.
It was clear by all reports the girl was suffering from depression, sleep deprivation and exhaustion. She had confessed that she gave the baby a half of a pill crushed up in it's milk because she had not slept for three days straight. Then she called 911 immediately when the child did not respond. She said she only wanted her baby and her to get a little sleep, because the child constantly cried. There was also medical evidence that the pill may not have cause the baby's death, but it may have been the crib bedding or even Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, SIDS.
So Love tried to plea with the prosecutor to give the girl a good deal in the case, other than life in jail for her young client. Love tried to persuade the prosecutor by arguing that the girl just wasn't in her right frame of mind.
However, Love's client was considered a star; politics came into play, and the prosecutor was trying to make a name for himself with this case. So there were no deals offered to Love, and the State demanded a jury trial which would be public.
Love was still confident that she could win the case. Although she had done plenty of guilty pleas with agreed recommendations over the years, and she never felt any qualms about getting someone a guilty plea that kept them out of jail. Most times her clients "were" guilty. They just wanted to do as little jail time as possible, and whether they went to trial or not, she still got paid the same. But whenever she did have to take a case to trial, every time she had won. In fact she had won more trial cases than any other attorney in LA, and that was what had made her a celebrity in her own right in legal circles. To date Love had never yet lost a case. So she had absolutely no plans of losing this girl's case. She didn't even consider she "could" lose it.
Winning was the norm for Love she didn't know how to not win, and failure wasn't something Love allowed in her vocabulary.
Love had already went over her winning strategy several times. The first day in court, the judge would hear her motion to suppress, she planned on attacking the confession as involuntary and coerced. She knew she would succeed, even though the motion really wasn't necessary. She wasn't planning on attacking her client's actions only her motives. Then she planned on calling a team of experts on infant mortality and experts to show evidence of SIDS, and death due to crib bedding, to prove that most healthy two months old babies would not die from the exact same dose of Tylenol PM the girl had given her baby, but would have most likely slept through the night as the girl had intended.
One of the girl's older friends had admitted that she had previously told the girl she had given her baby a half of a crushed pill to get some sleep, years and years ago, and that her child was now healthy and just fine. This woman had agreed to be Love's first character witness. The woman felt overwhelmingly guilty that she was the one who had inadvertently given the girl the idea.
Love also had a team of psychological experts to attack the girl's alleged intent to murder, and to prove that murder was never in her client's mind. She was going to have them testify to Post Pardum Depression and every other psychological syndrome known that could have affected her client's state of mind, and her judgment. Plus she had a sympathetic client. She was young, although she was technically an adult, Love knew in the eyes of most people when she put this young girl on the stand, without any makeup on, she would look like a child herself.
After all she had become famous by playing a teenager of only fifteen on a very popular television series.
Love also planned on opposing the religious lobbying groups she knew would be picketing the hearing everyday. Love would emphasize that the girl's religious convictions and her upbringing as a Christian kept her from legally terminating the pregnancy in the first place and led to her trying to raise a child on her own when she was ill prepared to be a mother. Love was going to show how the girl valued human life and how although she had committed adultery with an older man, she had still attended church every Sunday, right in her neighborhood in LA.
Love had carefully thought out every aspect of the prosecution's case and had prepared a rebuttal and a defense against it. She felt fully prepared, and because she felt fully prepared she planned on keeping her promise to her sisters and going to visit them the following day in New York as planned. Tonight it was just too late, and she was too tired to fly, so she decided to leave very early the following morning. That would give her at least one full Saturday with her loved ones this week.
Once Love had wrapped up her work for the night she started to think about John. She missed the days when John was still working at the firm and she would give him midnight calls to discuss the latest case she had, and bounce ideas off of him. Love put her files down and she picked up her journal. She had filled up a new journal, with almost one hundred and twenty pages filled of letters never sent, poems never recited and thoughts never said out loud, all about John, and strangely in a way about God too.
Love found that whenever she thought about John she ended up thinking about God and her Nana.
Love had figured out months ago why she was afraid of being with John. She realized being with John was the equivalent to coming back to God I'm her mind, now that John was a pastor. She had been hiding from God for so many, many years now. She knew there was no way she could be with John until she was ready to submit herself unto God again. The fact was her and John were so unequally yoked. She would not dare insert herself into John's Godly life, and she wasn't in any way ready to accept his life either. So Love continued to make her journal the only source of emotional release in her life.
Once she was finished writing her thoughts down she opened up the pull out sofa in her office to finally get some sleep. She made sure the door to her office was locked, and she called the night security guard to let him know she would be spending the night in her office, and that she would need a 5:00 am wake-up call and a car to take her to the company jet to leave for New York the next morning. Love didn't plan on flying to NY until 9:00am, but she always got up at 5:00am to run on the treadmill and go over her cases.
While Love lay in the sofa bed her eyes were still open and she couldn't stop thinking about John. She closed her eyes as she turned over and fluffed her pillow and then tried her best to make a conscious effort to make herself think about something else besides John. So instead she started going over her case set for trial on Monday morning in her head, but thinking about work always made her lay awake in bed. So she started counting sheep. That mundane task eventually put her to sleep most nights, but it wasn't working tonight. She was extra wound up. Then her thoughts drifted back to John. She thought about his lips, his skin, and his smell again. And she figured even if I can't be with him in reality, no harm in being with him in my fantasies.
So she imagined John was laying there next to her and then she imagined him laying there inside of her, and when she was finished imagining she finally fell asleep. As soon as her eyes closed and she began to dream, and of course she dreamed of John. He seemed to be the last thing she thought about before she fell asleep, and the first thought on her mind whenever she woke up. No matter how hard she tried it was no escaping the feelings she had for him.
As each day passed by she only loved him and wanted him more. The next morning Love woke to the sound of her office phone ringing.
It was the 5 am wake-up call she requested. Love jumped right and shook off the aching feeling in her heart she always felt after a night of dreaming about John, and she told herself, "all I need is my sisters, for now that's enough." During her weekend plane rides she always used her time on the plane to work on her cases, and this weekend would be no different.
Once the plane landed Love caught a cab to Darryl and Faith's new house in Long Island. Usually Love stayed with Hope when she was in town, because she didn't want to impose on Faith and Darryl's weekends when she knew they were still newlyweds. But this weekend was Darryl's birthday, and Faith had planned a big surprise birthday party for Darryl at their new house.
Faith had been very busy being the perfect, little wife since her and Darryl had gotten married. She had not been on any out of the country assignments since they were last in Ethiopia. Faith worked at the main SACAA office in New York and she had not gone on an out of country assignment for nearly seven months, ever since she had returned from her honeymoon.
Faith was also given a huge promotion upon returning from Ethiopia. She was now in charge of supervising and training the new hires, and assisting in placement and review of new adoptees. She seemed to be extremely satisfied and content with her new life as a wife. Still Love sensed a mysterious longing in Faith that she didn't think anyone else seemed to notice and she had been meaning to mention it to her, but not today. Even though Love thought something was not quite right with her little sister, she knew Faith was completely and utterly in love, with Darryl. So it definitely wasn't Faith's marriage that was bothering her. So Loved decided she would save her questions for Faith for another visit.
The cab dropped Love off in front of Faith's house. Faith, Hope and Amir ran out to greet her. Love was greeted with huge bear hugs, as usual, every single weekend. When Love was with her sisters and Amir, it actually was one of the few times she felt a relief from the emptiness inside her.
"I missed you guys as usual. Faith, how did you hide the party plans from Darryl?"
"He's been playing golf with John this morning, and they won't be here for at least another hour, but all the other guest are already here and everything is ready. Come, let's get your bags into the guest room, and let me get you a glass of lemonade, Love. Have you had anything to eat yet?" Faith figured if she talked real fast maybe Love would miss the fact that she mentioned John was coming to the party, since she hadn't mentioned that to Love before. It was immediately clear it didn't work.
"John?!, you guys know I don't won't to see him! How come you didn't warn me? I could have missed this weekend and just worked on my trial that's set on Monday."
Hope interceded for Faith. "Love that's exactly why we didn't tell you. Love it is Darryl's birthday, and Darryl and John have become good friends. How could we not invite his good friend to his surprise birthday party? So Love, you are going to have to suck it up, and remember, today isn't about you big sister, it's about our brother in law. It's about your little sister throwing her first big party, in the first home she's ever owned, for her husband on his birthday!"
Love instantly felt bad for being so self-absorbed. Hope was always straight forward, and she loved that about her. "You're right Hope, I'm sorry, Faith. I'm so selfish. You don't ever have to choose between me and John. I don't want you guys to feel that way. You forgive me lil sis?"
"That's okay Love, of course I forgive you completely. But, I really don't understand this whole thing you've got against not wanting to see John. I mean what's the deal with that anyway?"
Love avoided the question as usual. "Like Hope said, today is about you and Darryl. You've went all out for him. Don't you worry I'm not going to do anything to spoil this day for you, or embarrass you. But if I'm going to see John, I think I want to have a drink, and I'm not talking about lemonade."
"Love it's just pass noon?"
"Well then make it a mimosa lil sis."
"Faith, I'll take care of Love, you tend to your guest." Hope grabbed Love's hand and left Faith to finish being a hostess to her guest. They put Love's bags away in the guest room and then they started to mingle with the other guest, after they spiked Love's orange juice with a little something Faith had stored away in the basement.
Mary, Mr. Swanson, and their kids were there too, along with several people from Faith and Darryl's neighborhood, jobs, and church. Love figured she was the only guest there who was drinking an alcoholic drink, but to everyone else it looked like Love was just drinking orange juice anyway. She forgot that since Faith and Darryl had gotten hitched, the two of them had went ahead and been baptized together also. Although Darryl said he was already a Christian, he was drinking as much as Love did on the return trip home from Africa.
Love figured, "Darryl probably doesn't drink anymore either." It seemed like everyone at the party was a devout, born-again Christian, even Hope was. Then it suddenly dawned on Love that Hope did have to go down into the basement and look in one of the old moving boxes just to find a bottle of booze for Love to make some type of drink out of. Love started to feel very out of place. So she swallowed down her drink and made another one. She was working on her third drink when she had to admit she was starting to finally feel relaxed.
Then Love heard someone yell, "here comes Darryl", and she felt so nervous all of a sudden, because she knew John was with him. She downed the drink she was holding in her hand, and then she made another one, and downed that one down too. She had just had five drinks in less than an hour's time, and that was even too much alcohol for her, but she felt like she needed to have the drinks just to relax her nerves about seeing John again for the first time in over six months.
Amir yelled out to everyone, "Uncle Darryl and Pastor John are in the driveway now, everyone hide!"
Love felt her stomach flip flop, she wasn't sure if it was the alcohol in her stomach she had drunk down too fast or just fear from seeing John.
Faith was whispering, "everyone take your places and remember as soon as the door opens yell, surprise."
Love went to stand behind Hope in the hallway and she had almost lost her balance walking towards her. Hope grabbed her arm, and asked her, "are you okay?"
"I'm fine Hope, it's just these damn heals." Hope replied with a frown on her face, "yeah sure, you're breath smells like a distillery."
"Dag, Hope quick give me some gum."
"I don't have any, shhsh, they're at the door."
Then the door opened and everyone yelled, "Surprise!"
Love didn't even notice Darryl. All Love could focus on was John walking in behind him. He was standing right behind Darryl, looking so fine! He hadn't changed a bit. He was still tall, dark, and handsome, with a clean shaven face, wait and a clean shaven head now! Love said, "Oh my God he done shaved his head for the summer! It was so sexy!"
"Love! Shhh", said Hope giggling.
"Oh, did I just say that out loud?!"
"Yes, you did. For someone who says she doesn't want to see that man you seem awfully excited about seeing him!"
Love thought back to the first time John had showed up to work with his hair shaven off. It was right after she had mentioned seeing some gray in it. Love wanted to do him right then, that moment she saw him get off the elevator at work that day with his head clean shaven. All she could think about was touching him, back then and now. Since then John alternated between shaving it and letting it grow out. He was already sexy, but with no hair on his head he was superstar sexy. She just couldn't stop thinking about rubbing her hands on his smooth head. And then all she could think about was licking, those soft full, voluptuous, juicy lips when she watched John smile at Darryl with that spectacular smile, when Darryl asked him if he knew about the surprise party? Love looked at those two big dimples John had on each cheek when he smiled, she loved those dimples and those dazzling white teeth against his dark brown skin.
She had admired her receptionist Kevin's dimples every day back at the office, and she was amused at how Kevin blushed every time she complimented him on his dimples and his smile. But she had never wanted to take her tongue and lick the dips in Kevin's dimples, like she wanted right now to lick John's. Suddenly, Love realized it had been a really long time since she got any, the longest she had ever gone that she could remember. She hadn't had sex since before they had went to Africa over seven months ago. She was well overdue to get some.
Love felt her heart racing. All the alcohol she had drunk wasn't making matters any better. She was sure the drinks she had were adding to this crazy, immediate, physical reaction she was suddenly having  just from seeing John. Usually, arousal didn't sneak up and surprise her like this; she was usually always under control. That was the thing about John, he made her feel out of control and she didn't like that out of control feeling. Love definitely didn't want to feel this for John, not now surrounded by a room full of Christian people. She rather feel this way about him in the privacy of her dark, secluded bedroom, without his or anyone else's knowledge.
Hope was already eyeing Love with suspicion. To Hope it looked like Love might end up puking. She was all flushed and looked off balance. She wasn't about to let Love mess up Faith's first party.
"You sure you alright because it looks like you are sweating and Faith's got the air conditioning up so high I'm freezing, so you can't be hot."
"I told you Hope, I'm fine. I'm just a little jet lagged, and I admit maybe I shouldn't have had those drinks, but I'm okay. I'm going to the bathroom to throw a little cold water on my face now."
Then Love tried to ease pass everyone and quietly make her way to the restroom to throw some cold water on her face and get herself together, when she heard a booming voice from across the room call her name. It was Darryl.
"Love, sister-in-law hold up there. Where are you going so fast? Good to see you sister-in-law, how was your flight? I just spoke to you yesterday on the phone and you didn't even let on that Faith was planning all this." Darryl had a sly grin on his face. "Oh, and by the way you remember my friend John. Don't you, Love?"
Love thought to herself, Darryl is just like the annoying little brother I never had. Guess I'm not going to get a chance to get myself together. Okay Love, pull it together, you can do this. Love jokingly replied, "I think I vaguely remember him. Hi John."
John walked over to Love and gave her a hug that lasted slightly too long and was slightly inappropriate and uncomfortable at what seemed to be practically a church social gathering. Love couldn't help but take in a deep breath of John's aroma as he hugged her. Love thought, "My God he smells even more intoxicating than what I remembered."
John looked into her eyes, she felt like he could see right into her soul. "I've missed you so much Love. How have you been?"
And just when Love was getting ready to give him an answer, she started to hiccup, she tried to say something after the hiccup, and just another hiccup came out. Love was sure John smelled the alcohol on her breath and she thought to herself, "why did I have all those drinks? Now he probably thinks I'm an alcoholic and that I'm all torn up about him leaving LA."
Darryl was still standing next to John and he couldn't help but laugh out loud, and before you knew it John and Love were laughing too. Faith walked up and asked what was so funny. Darryl said, "I'll tell you later baby, let's leave these two alone for a little bit and let me greet all my guests."
John looked at Love seriously now. "How about we go into the kitchen and get you some water for those hiccups?"
"That sounds good." Love answered, through her hiccups. The party was happily churning and Faith and Darryl looked blissfully in love. Now Love found herself in the position she had been dreading for six months, alone with John. John poured her some water and while she was drinking her water, he just stared at her intensely. It was obvious he had a lot he wanted to say to her, but he didn't know where to start. He decided to just speak what was in his heart and before Love could finish her glass of water he had already started talking.
"Love I'm through with playing games with you. We've been through too much for that. So I'm going to just get to the point. Why have you not answered any of my phone calls or returned any of my emails or letters? What have I done to you for you to cut me off like this?"
Love stared at John looking dumbfounded. She was not able to give him an honest answer, the answer he deserved, so she took the cowards way out. "I've just been so busy with the new job as partner and all the new responsibilities, you know. But I've thought about you. I'm sorry if I've upset you."
John wasn't going to stand for that sugar coated, shallow lie. He finally had Love in front of him, and he needed some type of closure with her, some real answers, even if this encounter with her was not going to end well.
"Love, that's an unacceptable answer. Come on, you must know that I know you've been coming here every weekend to see your sisters. You must know that I know that much. Now I didn't want to act like a stalker and just pop up on you at Hope's place or here at Faith's unannounced, even though I thought about it. But I was invited here today, so I haven't come here just because of you. And now that I have you in front of me, I need you to just tell me the truth. Why have you been avoiding me for the last six months?"
Love still kept pretending. "Honestly, I've just been busy, I am telling you the truth. What do you want from me? I know we were good friends and all, but lets' face it, our lives have turned down two very, very, different paths. I just don't feel like you and I have anything in common to share with each other anymore. You're a pastor and I'm, I'm a partner at a law firm. I will always consider you my friend John, you know that. But when I say I've been busy, I mean it, I've been very busy."
"I don't believe that Love, how can you say that? I know you feel more than just friendship for me. I felt it when we first kissed back in Africa. I still feel it now, just looking into your eyes. I can tell you feel it too. How can you stand there and just lie to me. You know we have an incredible connection, no matter what paths our lives take, you have to admit that Love. At least be honest with yourself and admit that our connection is unexplainable. When I'm in bed at night, it's as if I can feel your presence there with me. The truth is you are "always" with me. Yes we're friends, but we've always really been much more than that, even if we didn't admit it to ourselves. Even before the kiss we shared in Africa, we were really always more than just friends."
Love felt her eyes welling up. She knew John spoke the truth but she couldn't bring herself to stop living a lie.
"I'm not saying I don't still care about you John, I do. I mean you are right we have or had a connection. But sometimes friends, people grow apart, because their lives just become so different. In this case, I think that's what has happened to us. I mean you can't really say we were ever more than just friends technically speaking, John. I mean we never even had sex with each other, just a kiss, under some very strange and stressful circumstances, that's all."
"Not everything is about sex Love. What I feel for you is much more than just sexual. You should know that by now. What I feel for you is deeper than anything I have ever felt for any other woman in my life, and it has nothing to do with sex. I can't explain it Love, but I feel like you are the woman that God wants me to be with. I strongly feel that."
"John, how can you say that, I mean have you really asked God, consulted with him, because if you really ask him, I think He's not going to give you the answer you want. I know that I am definitely not the woman for you. You need a virtuous woman. That's not me. You need a righteous woman. That's definitely not me. I'm not the woman you need John. I know that. You need to ask yourself, why you don't know that too? Why would you want to be with a woman who clearly loves all the things God hates, money, pre-marital sex, power, drinking in excess, shall I go on. I've told you several times I don't believe in the same things you believe in. You need to ask yourself that question, why do you want me if God wouldn't want me?" Then Love said something she knew she would regret and hate herself for the moment it came out of her mouth because it was the biggest lie she had ever told, she said, "But John all of that is besides the point. The truth is, I just don't have the same feelings about you, that you have for me. I'm sorry, but I hope we can remain friends, especially since it seems like our lives have somehow become entangled through in-lawship and your friendship with my brother in law."
There was a brief moment of silence between the two of them. John wasn't sure how to respond.
Love was already starting to make her escape and walk away. "Well, I guess I better get back to the party. It looks like my hiccups have gone away."
But John grabbed her arm and stopped her. "I don't believe you. And Love, you're wrong about one thing, God wants you, God wants all his children to come to him, the only thing keeping you away from God is yourself."
Then Darryl let go of Love's arm and watched her walk away. This time he truly let her go. He accepted that if it was meant to be she would come back to him one day, and hopefully he would still be there waiting on her. But he gave it all up to God.
Love didn't respond to John's last comment, and she kept walking away from him until she was outside in the backyard with her sisters. She didn't look back at him because she could feel how her words had hurt him so.
John stayed in the kitchen. He was deep in his own thoughts. He thought about what Love had said, but mostly, he thought about how he was ever going to get over her. Then he knew exactly what he needed to do. He needed to fast, to pray and just spend time alone with God. John felt like he had to start praying and fasting now, right now.
When John looked up from his deep thoughts, he realized Darryl was standing across from him in the kitchen. Darryl was spying on John and Love from afar. John's entire conversation over golf was about his feelings for Love, and Darryl was deeply concerned about his friend and his sister-in-law.
"Is everything okay man?"
"Not really. I'm sorry Darryl, but I've got to go."
"It's okay man I understand."
"Thanks, I just need some time alone and to pray, you know. I'll give you a call tomorrow. Hey, Happy Birthday man. You know I truly appreciate our friendship brother."
Darryl knew that whatever was the matter with John had to do with his sister-in-law, Love. So he didn't ask John any more questions.
"I know man, no worries, you do what you got to do and I'll see you soon."
When the party was over Love, Hope and Faith, were in the kitchen, putting the left-over food away, and straightening up. Darryl and Amir sat at the table and ate some more birthday cake.
Hope asked the question that was already on everyone's mind. "Love, how's John doing? He really left out of here in a rush today. I didn't even get to say hello to him."
Love didn't look up from her dishes, and she replied, "he sounds like he's doing fine."
Faith rolled her eyes. She thought, Love is such a bad liar to be a lawyer. "Well, Darryl told me he didn't look so fine when he left out of here, after only being here for about twenty minutes. Isn't that right Darryl?"
Darryl's mouth was full of birthday cake, and he swallowed quick. He didn't want to be pulled into the three sisters conversation, so he  looked over at Amir and said, "let's go watch the game man."
After Darryl and Amir left the kitchen, Love looked up at her sisters and put her hand on her hip. "You know I just don't feel like talking about John you guys."
"Fine, we won't talk about it, but he's a good guy Love. I hope you know what you are giving up, and I hope you are not giving him up for the wrong reasons?" Hope was really concerned for Love.
"Noted, guys, I'm really out of it, and jet lagged and those mimosas I had was a terrible idea. Overall I feel pretty uggh. Can we just enjoy the rest of the day and drop the conversation about John? I'll be leaving out of here for LA when you all leave out for church tomorrow. I've got a big jury trial Monday morning and I want to make sure I'm well rested for it and go to bed early tonight and tomorrow."
The topic of John was carefully avoided the rest of the day and the next day on the flight home Love thought about what Hope said. She thought about John and what a good man he really was, and what she was giving up. But by the following morning her mind was focused on the trial.
[Monday morning]
"Counsel for the State, are you ready to proceed with trial?"
"Yes Judge."
"Counsel for the defense, are you and your client ready to proceed with trial today?"
Love answered, "Yes, You're Honor."
The courtroom was packed. The media had gotten permission to be in the courtroom. The matter was also being televised. Outside of the courthouse stood reporters and bystanders, Right to Life advocates, and Pro- Choicers. It never stopped amazing Love just how many people in LA had nothing better to do than spend the day waiting outside a courthouse. Love wondered, "was she the only one in LA that had a real job?"
Meanwhile, the judge told his court clerk to swear the witnesses in, and the trial of the moment proceeded.
Love's young client, looked behind her, she did not see in the seats anyone from her family or any of her friends that she had met while living in Hollywood. Her hands started to shake. A cold shiver went down her spine. Love looked over at her, she placed her hand on the young ladies hand and she said, "don't worry you are in good hands."
The young lady, being the Christian raised girl she was, assumed Love was talking about, "in God's hands", so she said to Love, "after what I did, I don't think God has room for me anymore in his hands, Ms. King."
Love gave her a very serious look of authority. "I wasn't talking about God's hands. I was talking about my hands. If there is only one attorney in this whole country that can get these charges dismissed against you, that attorney is me. You are in the best legal hands available." This was Love's patented, "calm them down speech" that she gave all her criminal defense clients before trial. It was the perfect thing to say, it was confident and reassuring, but at the same time not promising or guaranteeing anything, except if I can't get you off, no other attorney in the country could have gotten you off. It was all in the way you took it. Love's young client seemed to take her words in the same way all her other clients had in the past. She started to calm down after Love's quick speech to her.
The young woman gave Love a blank look with no emotion, but her small, fragile hands did stop shaking. Then she whispered to Love, "I'm just ready to get on with this trial, Ms. King. I'm just ready for it all to be over."
[6:00pm, Friday evening waiting for the Jury's verdict]
The past week was grueling. Love felt like she hadn't slept, eaten or thought about anything else but the trial for the last five days. She was so relieved that it was finally going to be over. Love never allowed herself to have doubts about her case during a trial. One slip up that showed a lack of confidence in her case could be fatal for her client, if the other side or the jury spotted it. But after the closing arguments I were over, after the jury was sent away to deliberate, and Love knew her job was done, she couldn't hold back all those doubts in her head she had blocked out any longer. She couldn't help but to allow all those doubts, and fears, about her abilities as an attorney, about the strength of her client's case, about just how reliable the jury would be in weighing all the evidence, enter her head. Although she still managed to keep her concerns hidden from her client, inside her mind was racing with worries about the jury's decision.
She wondered, "would the jury believe the case I presented? That it was just a terrible judgment call, but not premeditated murder." Finally, Love's worse fears of all would take hold of her, right before the jury took their seats, she would wonder, "will this be the first time I lose a trial, or will my winning record stay intact?" Because no matter how wrong she knew it was, winning was and had always been the most important thing to Love when it came to the practice of law. The jury had been deliberating for over 3 hours now. Love's client along with everyone else in the courtroom looked exhausted.
The jury finally came out to announce their verdict. The courtroom became quiet. It was always hard to read the jurors faces after a trial. They always tried their best to keep poker faces on. The head juror read the verdict.
"We the people find the defendant...."
Love thought, "always that unnecessary, annoying pause! Please just get on with it already!"
"NOT GUILTY".
The courtroom was buzzing. Lights were flashing from the media taking pictures. There was chaos all around. But a rush of relaxation ran through Love's tense body and she exhaled. The partners from her firm who had come to observe and hear the verdict, and of course make any media statements that needed to be made came up to Love to congratulate her on another win. The prosecutor being the gentleman he was came over and shook Love's hand. In the middle of all the commotion Love heard a small voice beside her ask, "What happens now, Ms. King?"
Love looked at her fragile client. "Well, you are free to leave now, it's over. They've found you not guilty, and innocent of the charge against you. You can move on with your life now and start fresh. Do whatever you want to do and put this whole mess behind you forever. Did you want to drive with me back to the firm, or I can take you to your condo in the firm's car?"
The young lady grabbed her purse; then she turned around and reluctantly faced the crowd that was waiting for her. "No thank you Ms. King. I think I will just take a cab by myself back to my place and spend some time alone."
"You seem down, cheer up. I know you have been through a lot, but it's over now. Just think you were facing serious jail time, being locked up for the remainder of your life. But you are a free woman, you are innocent of these charges and you are free to start a whole new life. Come on, come with me we can go get dinner somewhere."
"Thanks, but I don't want to be out in public. I'm going home. Ms. King, I know the jury found me "not guilty", but no one ever said I was "innocent"."
Then Love watched her client walk off quietly as she avoided making eye contact with anyone and she refused to answer any questions. Love watched her walk away, and a part of her thought, "I should run after her, and take the cab ride with her to her home and see if she wants to just talk. Clearly she is in pain and she's all alone. She shouldn't be alone now."
But just when Love had grabbed her briefcase and planned on catching up with her client some of the partners from the firm came up to her and told her that the media wanted her to make a statement; and that afterwards all the partners and associates were going to Razzi's to celebrate her newest win with some drinks.
Before Love knew it she had put her concerns for her young client out of her head. She was making statements to the media which lasted for another half hour, and then she was celebrating, eating and drinking with the partners and the people she referred to as her friends. She had to admit, she did love winning, and she did really love the limelight. After all, it was Friday night.
Eight hours later, and many, many drinks later, the restaurant bar was clearing out. Love was one of the last ones left. Two partners and Love were sitting at the table together finishing up their last drinks. Then the last two partners decided to call it a night. They finished what was in their glasses, and they said their goodbyes to Love. One of the partner's asked Love if she wanted to share his cab ride home since she seemed to be the last person left from their firm. Then Love's cell phone ringed. Before she answered she told the partners she was okay, and they could leave without her, because when she finished up her last drink she planned on taking her own cab home. Love waved goodbye to them as she answered her phone.
"Hello. Yes, this is Ms. Love E. King? May I help you?"
"Ma'am, this is California Medical, Emergency Services. We're calling because a young lady was checked in tonight, and we didn't know who to contact. The 911 response team found your name and number on her nightstand. We were wondering if you are her next of kin, or a close friend, or if you knew the number for a relative for this young lady so we can contact them?"
Love instantly thought about her young client. She already knew it had to be her client that they were referring to, because everyone else she knew was at the bar celebrating with her that night. The hospital representative confirmed the young lady that she was calling her about was indeed Love's young client. Then the hospital representative explained what had happened to the girl.
"Ms. King, her neighbors called 911 when they heard a gunshot coming from her apartment. When the paramedics and police arrived they found her slumped over on her bed, with the gun still in her hand, and a bullet in her head. She is in critical condition, and they are not sure she will make it. So I am trying to contact any family members as soon as possible."
Love gave the lady on the phone the names of her client's parents and the city and state they lived in. Love told the lady on the phone that she knew the girl's parents' phone number was listed, because she had called it before and gotten the number through the operator. Then Love hung up the phone.
Love sat alone in the bar. She felt too stunned. She picked up her full glass of red wine that she had been sipping on and she guzzled the whole glass of wine down until it was all gone. The bartender was trying to close the place up, but Love was a well known patron that she was willing to accommodate.
"Are you finished for the night Ms. King, or would you like me to bring you another drink or call you a cab?"
Love pretended she was happy and smiled. "Thank- you Sally. I know you're ready to get out of here, but would you mind bringing me just one more for the road? It's on the firm's tab so bring something a little stronger. Plus I don't have to work tomorrow, since its Saturday. Let's see can you bring me a rum and coke, heavy on the rum please, and how about a shot of tequila too. After all this is a celebration."
"Coming right up Ms. King, and congratulations on your win again."
"Thanks Sally."
Once alone again, Love whispered to herself, "why would she do that?! She had a not guilty verdict, why?!" Then Love thought about her client's last words to her, "she said something about..., "they said I was not guilty, no one ever said I was innocent." Then Love knew the answer to her own question. "The jury may have forgiven what her client did, but her client couldn't forgive herself because she thought God could never forgive her."
Then the bartender brought Love her drinks, and Love drunk each one down, one after another, without hesitation. Before the bartender could even make it back over to the bar, Love pleaded with her to just bring her just one more round of the same thing.
Love started thinking to herself, "I should have went after her. I should have taken the cab home with her. Instead, I was busy taking in the limelight, giving stupid statements, like I'm some kind of celebrity."
After Love completely finished blaming herself, she decided to place blame on someone else. She blamed the girl's lover, her fake California friends, her hypocritical parent's, Conservative Christians, and then finally Love whispered to herself, "God, if she wasn't one of those people who believed in God maybe she would have terminated the pregnancy as soon as she found out about it and avoided all of this, or maybe she would have found a way to forgive herself and not have taken her own life."
Love recalled all the protest signs people held outside stating "burn baby killer burn", and she recalled what the girl's mother said when she had called her up to see if she would come out to support her daughter for the trial. Her mother said, "she shouldn't have been out there committing adultery in the first place. That's not the daughter I raised, that's not my daughter."
Love thought to herself that her, and her client were really not that different from each other. She had committed adultery just like her client had, she had also killed her baby..." She didn't want to think of it anymore, so she guzzled her drink down to try and drown her thoughts away. She knew she was no better than her client, but unlike her client she was just too much of a coward to punish herself for her own sins. At that moment Love wished she was also dead. She felt like she hated herself, and her whole life...
Then Love noticed out of the corner of her blurry eye a very handsome man walking towards her. He had the most piercing blue eyes and blond locks that brightened up the whole room. Watching him was almost hypnotic. For a moment she completely forgot what she was thinking about, and all she could think about was how long it had been since she had gotten some.
The strange, handsome man stood right before her now and he was staring at Love intensely. "Looks like we are the last two left in here. Do you mind if I share your company for a little bit, until my cab gets here?"
Love tried her best to answer without slurring her speech. She was very aware at that moment that she had drunk way too much. "No problem, I think I would like a little company anyway. My name is Love King. What's your name?"
"I already know who you are Ms. King. You have become sort of famous around here this past week. I heard about your big win, and I figured now that all your entourage has gone I would come up and congratulate you myself. I watched the trial on TV like most people in town did, I suppose. I thought you did an amazing job, Ms. King. You must feel like you are on top of the world."
"Thank you, and please call me Love."
"Okay, Love. I bet your client is thrilled with the outcome of her case, isn't she?"
"Yep she was thrilled, thrilled enough to put a bullet in her head."
"I'm sorry is that some type of lawyer expression, like actor's say, "break a leg? I am a little out of touch with the slang phrases people use now-a-days."
"No, sadly it's not an expression. I just got a phone call from the hospital. She actually shot herself in the head tonight."
"What?! Really, why do you think she would do such a thing?! She was found not guilty!"
Love waited a long time to answer him, she had a lot of opinions about why her client did what she did, but only one came out of her mouth and her words were filled with bitterness. "God, she was one of those people that believed in all that bible stuff and she hated herself and what she did. I guess she just couldn't live with the guilt of it."
"That's unfortunate. Personally, I believe that every man and woman answers only to him or herself, and that life is too short to waste it trying to obey and follow some rules from an invisible man who lives somewhere in a fairytale land up in the sky."
Love said, "finally, here is someone who I can relate to. You know, I agree with your opinion, entirely."
So is this why you are looking so down on what should be one of the greatest days of your life. You just won the case of the century, you know. You shouldn't be sitting here alone in a bar sulking about the stupid decision some poor lost girl made that had nothing to do with you. I mean it's sad but it's not your fault that girl was so brainwashed by her religious beliefs that she took her own life. It's very unfortunate, but it's not your fault, Love. You gave the best, magnificent, legal defense ever. What else could you have done for her, what else could you have said to her, what else could you have given her? Right?"
"Right.", agreed Love as she slammed her glass down on the table.
"Well Ms. Love King it has been a pleasure talking to you, but it looks like my cab is here and it also looks like they are ready to close up this place. Hey I have an idea, how would you like to share the cab with me?"
Love was actually use to sharing cabs with strange men, and her body wanted to share much more than a cab ride with this strange sexy man. So she accepted his invitation and without much hesitation she replied. "Sure, I might as well."
Five hours later, Love awoken finding herself in a King size bed, naked, and laying beside two other extremely gorgeous naked females. She had followed the handsome stranger back to his mansion in the middle of nowhere. They followed the night up with some more drinks, a few hits of cocaine, a little bit of ecstasy to go with it, and of course an all night party. This wasn't the first time Love had drunk too much and participated in these particular type of parties, but it was the first time she had ever tried any drugs harder than some marijuana.
All these years, using drugs was something she stayed away from, except for the occasional marijuana, that she had conveniently had a prescription for from one of her doctor friends. Love really didn't consider a little joint here and there as using drugs and she had never, ever tried anything harder. But there was something about this strange, beautiful man she had met tonight. He was so seductive and so persuasive. He had doing things tonight she had never done before like sniffing cocaine off his fingertips while he kissed her. Love always followed a personal rule not to do any drugs harder than weed, but tonight she didn't care she was breaking all her rules tonight.
There was also nothing but beautiful, sexy, successful, powerful, rich people at his mansion that night. Some of these people Love had seen before, some of them she had never seen before, but one thing they all had in common, they were people with everything in life, everything except a moral compass. Love thought to herself, "she really fit right in."
She rolled the young ladies leg off of her and walked around the room. She was looking for the strange, beautiful, ageless man who had made her reach climax so many times that night that she had lost track, but she didn't see him anywhere. So she started looking for her clothes. Before she could find them, she heard and almost angelic, yet commanding voice from behind and she knew it was the voice of the man who had brought her there that night.
"You trying to leave so soon Love?"
She groggily turned around and smiled at him. "Yes, I have a flight to catch tomorrow morning. I mean later today I guess, to New York, to see my family." Then she suddenly thought about John. She wasn't planning on seeing John of course. She had clearly established the last time she saw him that nothing would ever happen between them. Still, a pain shot through her heart when she thought about John, and she thought about where she was at, and what she had just done with this man and these other strangers. She strangely felt like she had cheated on John even though they were not together.
"Oh, that's right you mentioned your sisters in New York. But for someone in such a rush to get going, you just had a tortured, painful look come across your face. I think you don't really want to go, do you?"
Then he walked over to Love slowly.
Love thought to herself, "he is truly a perfectly, striking man, a perfect body, a perfect face, it was impossible to tell just how old or how young he really was, he was as perfect, as a Greek god or something. His skin was pearly white, his eyes piercing blue, his blonde hair shined like the sun, and his voice was hypnotic. Never before have I seen anyone that looked so perfect. Like what you imagine an angel looking like, if I believed in angels that is."
Then the man took Love into his arms, and Love felt perfectly comfortable in them. His skin was so cool and inviting, it felt so good on her hot and sticky body. She noticed also at that moment that she was so hot she felt feverish. Then he whispered to her,
"I'm sure your sisters would understand if you are a little late seeing them. I mean you look like you need a break, you need to rest, take some time to just do something for yourself, enjoy yourself, think about yourself, you know. So stay here in my arms for the night, and just forget about everyone and everything else for a moment."
Love thought,  I don't remember telling him I had sisters, but then again I can barely remember what I did tonight, it's all so fuzzy. But it does sound so good, so tempting to just escape from the whole world and just stay here in his cool, comfortable arms. After all I have allowed him to do things to me tonight that no man had ever done before, and every moment of this night, sexually has been amazing. I can't deny it, his offer is tempting, very tempting, and I am so tired, maybe I will stay, just a little while longer. My sisters won't be too upset at me if I didn't show, just this one weekend. They know I had that big trial all week long.
It was as if his love making gave Love amnesia, made her forget her burdens and the guilt she was feeling earlier that night when she heard the news about her client. She just felt numb and that was exactly what she wanted to feel anyway. Lately ever since Africa she seemed to be feeling too much. She wanted to just stay numb for a while.
He then held Love even tighter and he walked her over to the chaise lounge in the corner of the huge master bedroom. He sat down and turned her around so she wasn't facing him. Their naked bodies complimented each other. Then he sat her down carefully on his lap, as he reached with one hand and grabbed a needle that was sitting on the end table next to the chaise lounge. He asked Love, as casually as if he was asking her if she wanted a glass of water, "you want to try a little heroine while having sex?"
"No thanks."
"Why not? What's your reasons?"
Love turned around and looked into his eyes, she felt numb, empty inside, and happily hypnotized by him once again. The truth was she really couldn't think of a reason "not" to try it.
"No reason, other than I've just never done heroine before."
"But there are a lot of things you've never done before tonight, right?"
"You're right, what the hell. I'll try it."
He shot it in her thigh, and Love felt it's effect immediately. She was feeling like she was floating. It felt like nothingness, no more turmoil, no more burdens weighing her down, just blissful nothingness, but then she heard a phone ringing, and she recognized the ring tone, it was her cell phone distracting her from her state of temporary euphoria.
"That's my cell phone", and she attempted to get up to go get it, but he held her in place.
"Let it ring. Stay here with me Love."
"It will just take me a sec, it could be important, it could be..." (Love thought about her sisters, John, the hospital where her client was, might be calling her again, but she didn't say thode thoughts out loud). She just attempted to get up again.
He kept holding and kissing her and grabbed her long locks of hair gently, as she tried to get up. Despite Love's drug induced state she was persistent about answering her phone.
So he allowed her to get up, rather than continuing to keep her in his arms. Love slowly staggered across the room and found her cell phone inside her purse, next to where her clothes were on the floor.
"Hello."
The person on the other end of the phone responded, "Is this Ms. King?" Love answered, "yes".
"Ms. King, this is your client's mother. I'm calling you because the hospital informed us of what happened but our plane is delayed. My husband and I are sitting here in the airport. We're afraid, we're not going to make it to the hospital in time.... in time." Then Love heard the woman start sobbing.
Love responded, with no sign of compassion in her voice. "In time for what ma'am? Didn't they tell you, your daughter shot herself in the head? I think it really doesn't matter how fast you get to the hospital."
The lady was taken a little a-back by Love's lack of compassion and sensitivity, but then she thought to herself, "I deserve her contempt." She was remembering how Love had called her weeks ago, pleading with her to come out to LA to be there for the trial and support her daughter. Love had offered for the firm to pay for their hotel and plane tickets, but still the lady and her husband said no. They abandoned their child, when she needed them the most, and they wouldn't come. They were ashamed of her, and now she was ashamed, of herself. Yes, she deserved this ladies unkindness. But she was desperate and she put her pride aside and stopped sobbing and found the words she needed to say.
"Ms. King, I deserve that, and I'm sorry to have to bother you. I know how you must feel about me, but my daughter has no one out there, and the hospital said she was close to death, just barely hanging on. We don't want her to die, all alone. Can you please, please, go to her, be with her, until she goes? If we don't make it there in time, I don't want to think she died all alone. Please, I'm begging you, Ms. King, please? You are the only person I could think of to contact who would go be with her out there."
Love tried to sober up. She was trying to regain control of her senses and it was incredibly difficult. "So you are telling me she's still alive? I didn't know, I mean I didn't think... I just assumed she was dead, when they said she shot herself in the head, I just assumed by now she would be gone."
Then the girl's mother desperately asked Love again, "so you will go be with her, till we get there, will you?"
"Of course I will, at least I promise you I will try my best. I'm leaving now." Love hung up the phone and tried with all her might to stand up straight and get her clothes on. She heard the strange man's voice summoning her from across the room.
"Love, I know you feel it's your duty to go, your obligation, but really what good will it serve. Think about yourself and come back to me. Let me take care of you, like no one else can. It's just one night, one day. Everyone will understand, and in the morning your sisters, you can call them, they will understand too. But you know that girl is as good as dead, leaving now is a waste of your time."
Love looked over at the handsome man, and realized his once hypnotic, seductive eyes stared at her now, like a starved, cold, desperate person. He didn't look as beautiful, as perfect as he did just a few moments ago. Love realized she felt suddenly very uneasy and aware of his strange gaze, and that made her miraculously sober up. She just started putting on her clothes and she ignored his statements, but she did ask him if he could call her a cab.
"Look Love you're in no condition to go anywhere, stay here. You leaving now, in your condition is just ridiculous."
Love didn't respond, and she continued getting dressed.
"Why are you trying to go in such a rush anyway, Love?"
So she explained to him about the phone call, and how she needed to go to the hospital.
"Yes you don't have to explain, I know where you are trying to go already. But why, are you trying to go? What's the point, the girl will probably be dead by the time you get there. After all, you've already done all you can do for her. Even if you make it there before she dies, she probably is too out of it, after a bullet to the head, to hear anything you would have to say to her or even to realize you are there with her."
"That might all be true." Then Love thought about how Hope said she heard her talking to her during her surgery in Africa, when Love thought she was unconscious. "I can't explain why, but I just have to try to be there for her, I made a promise. Will you please just call me a cab?"
"I have no intentions of helping you go out there in your condition. Besides what cab would come out here in the middle of nowhere, at this time of night?"
Love started to feel furious with him. She had no idea where she was, let alone the address to call herself a cab. She needed his help. He didn't look so attractive to her anymore, his blonde hair wasn't as bright, and his eyes were not as baby blue. Everything that was good about him seemed as if it was just an illusion. It was as if he was just a fantasy fading away like the night with the rising of the sun. Then Love looked at the cell phone in her hand, and she mumbled to herself, "I'm an idiot", and she just dialed 911. 911 would be able to track her call, even quicker after she would tell them her name was Love King and they realized she'd been on the news all day. So Love gave the 911 dispatcher the info, she explained she wasn't sure where she was at but she desperately needed to get to the hospital. The 911 dispatcher said that wasn't a problem to just stay on the phone and they could track down where she was located. Love kept her phone on while she slowly made her way down the hallway towards the winding staircase.
She looked behind her, at all the people she had just shared her body with and she was wondering, "what was I thinking?"
She was still carrying some of her clothes in her hands as she walked towards the stairs, when the man who had brought her there followed her out of the room. He grabbed her and said,
"I'm not ready to let you go Love."
Love muttered, "I'm sure we will see each other again.", as she tried to put on her bra. He kept groping and kissing her all over, and he refused to let her go, even though it was clear she was making her way towards the staircase to leave.
Love had, had enough of him. He was holding her from behind with his mouth sucking on the nape of her neck, but it no longer felt pleasurable to Love she just wanted him off of her, and she yanked herself free from him so suddenly and forcibly that the charm on her necklace caught his lip and cut it. He stopped kissing her neck and he touched the cut on his lip.
"Ouch. You cut me Love."
Love turned around and saw the blood dripping from his lip. "I'm sorry. It was an accident. I just really need to go now. Are you alright?"
Then he looked at her curiously wondering how she had cut him, while he wiped the blood from his lip. "I really don't know how you are able to still stand up after all the drugs and alcohol you had tonight. But don't worry, I'll be fine. I never really noticed that little silver necklace around your neck before now. Your name is Love King, so what does the "E", on your necklace stand for?"
Love was steadily proceeding towards the stairs as he followed her. She answered him nonchalantly as she started heading down the stairs.
"Oh, it's such an old necklace. I forget it's even on me. I usually wear it under my dress shirts. I've had it since I was a kid so I hardly think about having it on anymore. It stands for Emmanuel."
He looked at her with even more curiously then, and said in a very irritated tone, "I thought you said you didn't believe in God and all that stuff?"
"Yes, that's right, I don't, Emmanuel is my family's last name it has nothing to do with my beliefs in God. I changed my last name when I became old enough to do so to, King."
The man's stare intensified and his eyes became colder and darker. "But you do know what Emmanuel means, and what it stands for, don't you?"
"Yes of course I do." And for no reason that she could fully understand she felt the need to say it out loud even though she had avoided saying those words since Nana had died, "it means, God is with me."
Love could have sworn his eyes turned red like fire when she looked up at him standing at the top of the staircase, and for the first time she felt fear that night about being with this stranger. She felt the need to say something to de-intensify the atmosphere. By then she had made it down to the bottom of the stairs and she was standing at the front door. "Well maybe we can go get some coffee or something this weekend. I will be back in town, Sunday morning. My office's answering service is in the book and on call 24 hours if you decide you want to see me again."
"Well I'm more of a night owl. I don't really do morning coffee dates. I'll be blunt with you anyway. For your sake, it would be best that you don't see me again. And I won't try to stop you from leaving anymore. I release you."
Love thought to herself, "What an ego, I release you? What's that suppose to mean?"
"Well okay then, maybe I'll see you around."
"You really have no idea how close you came tonight Ms. King."
Love felt strange and she moved quickly to open the front door. Once she had it open she looked back and said out of curiosity, "how close I came to what?"
He answered with a sly almost sinister smile, "I wanted you for myself at first sight, and I had planned on making you spend eternity here with me."
"That's romantic, but I'm not ready to spend eternity with anyone yet?  Even someone as extremely sexy as you. I'm just not one for long commitments." Then she flashed him a superficial smile. She walked out the front door and closed it behind her. She was questioning exactly what she had told him and what she hadn't told him that night. She couldn't remember, did she tell him she had family in New York, or did she say she had sisters in New York. She swore she had never told him she had sisters. She wondered just how much drinks and drugs did she consume tonight. At some point she loss count. As Love stood on top of the staircase outside leading up to the front door of the mansion behind her, she felt a shiver run up her spine. She knew then that she never wanted to see the sexy stranger again. Yet somehow she wasn't fearful of him, because she knew he wasn't coming after her, at least not tonight. It seemed she had done or said something that turned him off and she was grateful now for that. Love had just spent the past few hours with total strangers sharing her body, and her soul. She was so stoned, she felt numb. She didn't even feel the cold air, even though she stood on the stairs half dressed, in the middle of a very windy night, and she was still unable to get her blouse over her bra. She wondered, how did the best day of her life, the greatest win of her career, end up with her standing here. She was half naked on a stranger's staircase, waiting outside, in the middle of the night, for the 911 responders she called to show up. At the time she called them she wasn't feeling in danger only thinking they would be her quickest ride to the hospital and her client. It dawned on her then that the police may show up also because of her phone call! She didn't want the police to show up because there were enough drugs back in that mansion to get a small country high.
She wondered, "maybe I stumbled into some type of cult for the wealthy and bored. If I'm the cause of the place getting raided I've made a lot of powerful enemies tonight."
But despite the craziness of the night she still felt no real fear. In fact, she felt no pain, no sadness, not even disgust. She just felt empty and numb while standing outside. If it wasn't for that phone call she had just received she would probably still be back in that room upstairs with those beautiful, sad strangers. But that call changed everything. Now the only thing she could think of was fulfilling a fruitless promise she made to the mother of a girl she barely knew, and a girl that she suspected was probably already dead anyway. This she was accustomed to, doing her duty, while feeling nothing inside, remaining emotionally detached. That was what had always made her so good at what she did. Most times she felt nothing. She felt nothing intentionally. Numbness is what she had strived to feel emotionally most of her life. The only difference was that tonight, after all the drugs, alcohol and sex, she was also feeling physically numb. Now that she thought about it, she had felt numb on the inside, ever since, ever since, well ever since.... Nana died, almost twenty years ago. Love's mind was racing with one thought after another, non-stop. Her last thought was, "what was the name of the strange man she had spent the last five hours making love to. She realized she never did get his name."
Then suddenly she felt something. She felt a sharp pain run through her entire body. In that moment her body felt alive again, no longer numb. She felt like she had just been electrocuted. But then the pain she felt became even sharper and stronger and it just wouldn't stop. It was then that Love knew; she knew she was going to die.
She knew at that moment it was too late to change all that she had done, too late to finish everything she had left undone, and it was too late to keep the promise she made to the mother of the young lady who was her client.
The strangest thing was at that moment she felt as if not being able to keep that one promise was what she was regretting the most.
Then the pain that pierced through the numbness continued. She couldn't take it anymore, she couldn't think anymore and then she realized she couldn't breathe anymore.
Love felt her frantically beating heart that she thought was going to burst, suddenly slow down. There was no time left for regrets, apologies, or goodbyes. She grabbed her chest as she felt her last heart beat, and she thought to herself, "so that's the kind of stuff one thinks about the moment before they die."
Then Love felt herself fall into the darkness.. Her body hit the ground, but she didn't feel the impact, she didn't even feel her body anymore.
The paramedics found Love passed out, laying on the front steps outside of the mansion, with no blouse on and no shoes. They responded immediately, got her into the ambulance and they rushed her to the hospital. They were giving her emergency treatment in the ambulance. Her heart had stopped from a drug overdose. They called her situation into the dispatch at the hospital, and they gave her emergency treatment at the same time. They had no idea how long her heart had been stopped before they had arrived.
When Love opened her eyes she realized she was someplace else.
Love felt cold, and it was dark, but she saw a light a far ways off. Love wondered, "where am I?"
Then she heard a small voice. It was her client. She saw her, she saw her client. She was in the hospital now standing next to her client's bed. She wondered, "when and how did I get here?"
Love looked down at the young woman and said, "Your mother called me. Their plane is delayed, but they are on their way here."
"It doesn't matter Ms. King if they make it here. It's too late for me anyway."
Love thought this was her second chance to say the right things to this girl, to put aside her own self-absorbed anger towards God, and remember the things Nana taught her. To say the words she knew this girl needed to hear.
"You're wring. It's never too late." Love heard the faint echoes of screams coming from somewhere, even though the screams were faint, the sound sent chills through her body. She assumed the sounds were from people in pain, waiting in the emergency room.
Love thought, "I hate hospitals." Her client looked horrible. Her face was disfigured with blood still all over it. Love wondered how she was able to even talk in her condition, and talk so well.
"Why are you here anyway Ms. King? There's nothing else you can do for me. The trial is over, you won."
"I'm here because I promised your mother I would come, and I also wanted to say something to you."
"What is it you want to say?"
"Remember when you said to me before the trial started, that God has no more room in his hands for someone like you, well I should have told you something. I should have told you....."
Love noticed, the girls wound had started to ooze out more blood. She heard the faint echo of screams getting closer and getting louder. She felt a sudden urgency to say the right things to her as if the words she spoke would save the young girl's life. Then Love closed her eyes searching her soul, searching past her bitterness, past her shame and her fears, for the right words to say to her client, and then she found the right words somewhere deep down in her heart.
"I should have told you, "nothing can separate you from the love of God....", then Love heard her Nana's voice in her head as she spoke the Word out loud to her client.
"Nothing can separate you from the love of God, neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God."
Love's client listened to her yet Love's words still had not penetrated her heart. "But Ms. King, my parents taught me since I was just a little girl that, These six things the Lord hates, and seven are an abomination unto him, A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, .... A heart that deviseth wicked things, feet that are swift in running to mischief. A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brothers." These things Ms. King I've been taught since I was a little girl that the Lord hates, and I've done all of them since I've moved to LA."
Then the girl held her head in her hands in despair, and in shame, and she looked down at her hands and they were covered with blood from her head wounds, and she whispered in self-hatred and shame to herself, "and hands that shed innocent blood...."
Love knew she had to say something to her client, something that would keep her from dying with this burden so heavy on her heart.
"You're right, God does hate those things, but that doesn't mean he hates you, he loves you. He knows we are but weak humans and that's why he sent us his son Jesus to save us from ourselves. He is a God of forgiveness, gracious and merciful, slow to become angry, and he is rich in unfailing love. He will never abandon us, he waits, waits for us to come to him, and ask him, "Lord forgive my many, many sins" He feels our pain and our troubles, and he forgives our sins. Just ask him for forgiveness and he will forgive you because his love is endless and everlasting."
"Ms. King, I thought you didn't believe in God?"
"I thought I didn't anymore, but I realize now, even if I stopped believing in God, He never stopped believing in me. His Words I was taught so long ago are stamped on my heart. They were just hidden away I guess, waiting for me to remember them."
Love touched the charm that Nana had given her so long ago. "God was with me, even when I didn't know it. He never stopped believing in me."
"After what I did Ms. King, even if God can forgive me, I just don't think I can ever forgive myself. I feel like what I did to my baby is just unforgivable."
"Maybe it is unforgivable to you, but not to God. If you feel like you can't forgive yourself, go to him anyway, and ask him to help you, forgive yourself"
Love watched as her client closed her eyes, and the tears fell down her tender, young cheeks, and she heard her whisper, "Lord please forgive me. I'm so sorry. I love you. Please have mercy on my soul."
At that moment it was as if the room had been flooded with bright light. All the other sounds of pain Love heard throughout the hospital had gone away. Love swore she heard something else in the hospital room, a strange yet familiar sound. The sound was as sweet as honey, she couldn't see her, but she knew in her heart the voice she heard was Nana's voice.
Love whispered, "Nana?" Now Love was sure. She was sure that she must be dead, because she heard Nana's voice as clear as a bell. As real as this scene seemed to Love at that moment, she knew her Nana was dead. After all, Love was right there standing by Nana's bedside on the day Nana died. Love couldn't see her but she heard Nana say, "come home Love."
"Nana, I'm so far away, I don't know how to get back home anymore."
"God will show you the way home, Love."
"I don't know if I can change, if I can be the person you wanted me to be, the person God wants me to be, even if he brings me back home to you."
"Love, remember nothing can separate you from the love of God. God is inside of you, God is your home. Your soul is the house He lives in, nothing can separate you from His Love, only "you", can separate yourself, from accepting His love. Don't hide from Him anymore, come on home, before it's too late, Love, come home."
Love got on her knees and just spoke from her heart. "I'm so sorry God, I'm so unworthy of your love, and I'm so sorry, but I miss you so much, and my heart is aching, and every day I'm dying a little bit more inside. I don't know how to make my way back home to you, it's been so long, please help me find my way to you again Lord. Bring me home again?"
Love opened her eyes and she realized she was home again, she was standing in Nana's room by her bedside with her sisters, and Mary right next to her again. But this time Nana didn't look sick at all. Nana looked bright and sunny and happy and beautiful, everyone did and then she looked in the corner of Nana's bedroom and there was John. He was holding his arms open wide and he said, "come to me"....and Love felt a burden lifted from her heart and for the first time in a long time she felt free, she felt whole.
Suddenly a piercing jolt woke Love from her dream. She took in the deepest breath she had ever breathed,. She felt as if she had been under water drowning. Her chest was in so much pain it was aching.
The wonderful dream started to fade and seem more like a memory than real. Love heard some unfamiliar sounds and she opened her eyes and saw she wasn't in Nana's old room anymore. She was in an ambulance.
The paramedic's were opening the ambulance doors. One of them told the doctor, "she is that lady lawyer that was on TV this past week. We don't know how long her heart was stopped, but we've got her breathing again. It looks like she did a little too much partying lastnight."
The doctor on call said, "the senior partners of her firm are on the board of trustees of the hospital, do not mention this to anyone, and hurry up and bring her inside. Let's get her into a private room right away."
Love felt so disoriented and it didn't take long for her to pass out again. The next time Love woke up she felt the warm sunlight shining in from her hospital room window on her face. The nurse came into her room to take her vitals.
"Good morning Ms. King."
"Good morning. Nurse, um, do you know what happened to me? How long have I been here?"
"You've only been here since last night or shall I say very early this morning. Ms. King. It looks like what got you here is that you used a lot of different drugs and also your alcohol level was very high. Your heart momentarily stopped. They're not sure for how long. They revived you and they also had to pump your stomach. If you are feeling chest aches and queasiness that is why. You are very lucky, you will be okay. But you need to rest up today. They've scheduled you for some tests to make sure there's no possible negative effects from the lack of oxygen to your brain while your heart stop beating. If all goes well tomorrow you should be feeling better."
"Thank you Ma'am. I am very tired." It all started coming back to Love, last night at the mansion, passing out on the front stairs, and the dream she had about talking to her client and Nana. Then Love realized, she had failed her client after all. She had never really made it to her as she promised her mother she would. It was all just a dream, just like hearing her Nana's voice and seeing her again was just a dream.
Then before the nurse left the room Love asked her, "Ma'am, can you tell me, do you know if a patient by the name of Mary Sue McGuire, is here, and is she alive or is she dead?"
"You mean your famous client. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but she passed away last night, right before the ambulance got you here."
"So she did die alone?"
"Well her parents' plane was delayed, but her doctor was in the room with her before she died. He said he held the phone to her ear last night, so she could hear her mother's voice, before she died."
Love was comforted a little by the thought that Mary Sue and her mother had spoken to each other before she died, but she still felt like she had failed.
"Ms. King, do you need anything else, because I'm going to go now my shift is over. But if you need anything don't hesitate to push that button on your nightstand and the morning nurse will come. Are there any family members or friends that you want me to call for you before I leave?"
"No thank you, I'd rather not call anyone. I'm not particularly proud of the predicament I'm in and I'd rather not anyone know about this. I just want to get some rest."
"I totally understand and everyone on staff has been advised to protect your privacy and confidentiality, Ms. King."
Love figured she would make up some explanation to give to her sisters later on about why she hadn't come to visit as planned today. Right now she was so tired she just wanted to sleep.
"Thank you again. I'm so embarrassed and I really appreciate everything the hospital is doing for me, thank you."
Then the nurse smiled and quietly left Love's room. Love closed her eyes and fell fast asleep.
The next day, which was very early Sunday morning, Love received a visitor at the hospital. It was an older lady, with soft gray hair, and a kind smile. Love had just woken up and she saw the lady sitting in the corner chair in her room. Love was somewhat startled and still groggy. "Umm, Hello, um Ma'am do I know you?"
"Ms. King, I'm your client, Mary Sue's mother. Our plane got in very late last night. I spoke to Mary Sue's doctor this morning, and I also asked about you because I know you came here to be with Mary Sue after I spoke to you over the phone last night. The doctor told me that you were also here admitted in the hospital. I was a little surprised. I didn't realize you were sick. I wanted to see you, and tell you, thank you."
"I'm sorry ma'am, so sorry for your loss, but I don't deserve your thanks. I didn't do anything to help Mary Sue last night. I didn't make it here in time."
"That's not true Ms. King. First of all, Thank you for being her advocate during her trial, when I and her family and friends had abandoned her. Most of all thank you for getting here in time to speak to her before she died." Then the lady started to cry.
"I'm sorry Ma'am, but you got it all wrong. When you called me I was all drugged up, and I passed out before I had a chance to even make it to this hospital, let alone talk to your daughter. I was so out of it that's why they admitted me, I almost killed myself last night. I'm an idiot."
"Well that's not what Mary Sue told me. I spoke to her over the phone before she passed away, while I was at the airport waiting for our delayed plane. She was so weak and her voice was so soft, but she could still speak. I asked her to please forgive me and her father for abandoning her when she needed us most. And I asked her to forgive herself for what she had done, and I told her God would forgive her. Then Mary Sue told me in her small voice, and I'm positive about what she said, she said,
"Mama I forgive you and daddy, and Mama Ms. King was here, and she helped me know and believe that God does forgive me, and that He's gonna help me forgive myself."
"Ms. King, my daughter clearly said to me that you reminded her, that nothing could separate her from the love of God. Then she told me to please tell Ms. King that she said, thank you."
Mary Sue's mother had to fight past her tears while she told Love her daughter's last words, "That's why I had to come see you. It was my daughter's last request that I come tell you that she said, "thank you". So you must have forgotten or something, but you did speak to her last night. You know I really do love my daughter so much, so much, but I know I wasn't acting like it. I let my religiousness, my judgmental attitude keep me from showing her my love. I couldn't see pass her sins, and remember she was still, my little baby girl. I realize now, how precious and fragile our lives are. How short the time on this Earth we have really is. I'll never let another day go by, keeping any fear, any belief, any grudge, from letting the rest of the people I love in my life know how I feel about them and how much I love them. So thank you, thank you for being there for my daughter when I wasn't Ms. King. I'll forever be grateful to you for that kindness." Then Mary Sue's mother leaned over and gave Love a hug and a kiss, and she left Love's room. Moments later the doctor walked in.
"Good morning, Ms. King. I was the doctor on duty last night when they brought you in. I hope you don't mind that I told your client's mother about you being here. She was adamant about already knowing you had come to the hospital to see her daughter. She knows nothing about your, um, medical condition, that's confidential. She was so distraught about her daughter and seeing you before she left. I just want you to know if you're upset about you privacy being compromised it was me who told her you were here not any of our staff.
"No worries doctor. I'm glad I got a chance to talk to her."
"Oh good. So how are you feeling this morning?"
"I'm okay, been better of course, but I think I'll make it. Doctor, like I said please don't worry about telling my client's mother that I was here. I do have a question for you though. When I arrived at the hospital, did I have a chance to speak to my client at all before she died?"
"No Ms. King, I'm sorry, but I thought you knew, your client was dead before you even entered the emergency room doors. In fact, there was no way you could have spoken to anyone. Technically you were dead yourself there for a little while. Your heart had stopped beating. I have no idea for how long. But honestly it's a miracle you are not brain dead right now, and if it sounds like I'm trying to scare you, I am. That's why I hope you take this incident very seriously Ms. King. You've been handed a second chance in life. Please don't take it for granted. You know you can stay longer in the hospital if you want to. Even though you do appear to be physically fine for
discharge today, that's after Psych clears you, but you can still take your time and stay until you feel ready to leave. Psych will be in here shortly. You may want to also consider rehab? We have literature in some really good facilities. I can have the nurse bring them into your room?"
"No thank you. I promise I'm not accustomed to using drugs. This was poor judgment and one horrible night which will never happen again. I've got something I really need to do today also. If possible I'd like to be discharged as soon as I can."
Love knew that even if she didn't see Mary Sue in the flesh that somehow, last night their spirits had met. Although she had gotten dozens and dozens of clients out of charges that would have put them in jail for the remainder of their lives in the past; for the first time in her life Love felt like she actually played a part in saving someone and setting them free. The doctor told Love that he would be sending the hospital Psychiatrist in to talk to her before she could be discharged, since she was ready to leave. The psychiatrist cleared Love for discharge, giving his opinion that her overdose was not suicidal but was due to a serious lack of judgment. He recommended drug and alcohol abuse counseling for Love. Then she was on her way. She took a cab straight to her house, took a shower, and changed her clothes. She called the firm's jet pilot and got a cab to take her to the airport. When she landed in New York, she didn't call anyone. She knew exactly where it was she had to go. She had been holding on to the address in her wallet for months and months, and she had the driver take her straight there.
By the time Love got to the church, service was already over. The last people were walking out, and the inside of the church was almost empty. But the pastor was still there. He was straightening things up. Picking up some stray bibles and putting them back in place. Love didn't know what to say to him. She just stood there watching him quietly. Funny thing, Love was never at a loss for words, never in the courtroom, never when negotiating, never when writing in her journals, but there was something about.... John...
Love never could figure out the right thing to say to him. Then as if he sensed her presence he looked up, and saw her standing there. They just stared at each other.
John was standing in front of the altar. For a moment he could hardly believe his eyes. So he just stood there staring at Love, waiting to see if she was a daydream or if she was real.
Love took in a deep breath, and found the courage to walk towards him. Once she was in front of him she said, "I just happened to be in town. Umm, so would you like to get a cup of coffee with me, because I could really, really use a strong cup of coffee this morning, it's been a rough couple of days for me."
John just grabbed hold of Love and held her tightly in his arms. Tears started to roll down Love's cheeks. Then he stepped back and held her soft face in his hands. He wiped her tears away, and he whispered, "finally".
He looked deeply into her eyes, and he knew, he knew she was his, and thanked God in his head and he kissed her.
Love felt herself, for the first time in her life, really let go, and finally surrender to God's love and to John's love too.
The two of them stood there in front of the altar just holding each other, and they could have held each other for eternity. Neither one of them wanted to ever let go of each other again.
Then John finally said something. "So how about we go get that cup of coffee. There's this little place that serves a good Puerto Rican blend, it's called my apartment. It's just a few short blocks away."
"That sounds good. So I'll get to see your place then for the first time."
"Well there's not much to it. It needs a woman's touch. Maybe you can do something about that. So you say you had a rough couple of days, huh? Want to tell me about it?"
"Yeah rough, like you wouldn't believe. So I'd rather not talk about it if you don't mind. I'd rather talk about you and catch up on what's been going on in your life here at the church." Love thought to herself, "I love him, but some stories are just better left between yourself and God.
"What?! Love King wants me to talk about church! Now that's a real miracle."
Love smiled back at John. "Yeah, I guess you could say that, it is a miracle." Then Love was silent and stopped and turned and starred at John.
"Love, what is it?"
"John, .... I love you too. With all my heart, I love you."
"I know you do Love. I've always known. I was just waiting on you to figure it out."