I got better

Evolution

《☆》NOTE 《☆》
There's probs a shit ton of spelling and grammatical mistakes in here but I don't care, I just wanted to get this off my chest asap
《☆》THANK YOU 《☆》

As stated in my bio, I was recently looking through my old stories, some of which were 'poems' (And I use quotations because my attempts were laughable at best) that I had copied over from my allpoetry account before Wattpad.
To me, I was just venting frustration and emotions in a healthy way, one of which didn't involve me hurting others or myself. And it was, it was nice to get creative in the way I expressed how I felt and make it all rhyme. Although it's quite cringy and I now sort of dissociative myself from the r/Im14AndThisIsDeep stereotype I was, I'm still that girl - just more grown up.

Back then, I was in a toxic household with a stepfather who hated everyone but himself because he was an abusive narcissist who my mother, for some dumb reason that I don't think I'll every really understand, stayed with him for 7 long ass years and even had a kid with him.

I was unhappy at home.

Typically, abusive parents will pick one child to especially harass, making the situations a never ending he said she said. The target 70% of the time was my sister who is a year younger than me. She had a bad reputation of being the naughty kid who told lies and she was never really nice to me, as her and I had quite the fractured relationship to begin with. What statted off as name calling and school yard bulling from the adult who was suppose to be out father, it got physical. From pushes to slaps to punches, just slowly getting worse. I would always have to throw myself in front of her or stick up for her because I knew I wasn't the person he wanted to hurt, so he wasn't going to hurt me in order to hurt her. I remember this one time where he lunged at her from across the lounge room so she jumped behind it and was cowering between the couch and the dining room table. I jumped in front of her and faced him while I held her behind me. I had never seen someone so angry in my life. He had murder in his eyes and we both knew that if he had got his hands on her, he would have beat the ever living shit out of her. We were 11 and 12. He was 120kg of muscle and hate. The last straw was when I heard the sound of my sister screaming suddenly while begging me to come help her. It is something I will never forget. The sound of fear and pain turning her scream into an animalistic cry, something I'd never thought a 14 year old could make. He had punched her across the face and when I got there  she was clutching the side of her head while curled in the fetal position on the floor, screaming over and over "HE HIT ME! HE HIT ME! HE HIT ME!" All I could see in his eyes was disgust and absolutely no remorse. This 45 year old man had hit a child whom he was suppose to father and love and felt nothing.

I was unhappy at home.

Me and my sister who is a year younger than me had never gotten along. We always fought, hit each other, emotionally hurt each other and we were never on the same side. Drove my mother crazy. When the stepdad came along, he loved this and would use it to his advantage. At first  he showered me with affection and always took me out with him. He never liked my sister. Always had a problem with her. When her and I fought, he was always on my side and would pick on her in order to make us win. The first and only time I beat my sister up (after years of being brutally bullied And intimidated by her, I snapped), he rewarded me with encouragement and always loved to reminisce about the time I assaulted her. I never thought that was weird, but hindsight is 20/20. We didn't love each other and for the first few times he had hit her, I wasn't there for her. After a bit, I realised what was going on and stuck to her like glue, always 100% believing her every time because that was the support she needed. Mum either didn't believe my sister or didn't care, either way, I had to be mum. This was when I turned against the stepdad and he no longer treated me nicely, instead also bullying and intimidating me as he had my sister. But we didn't care. As long as me and my sister stuck together, we could rule the world.