Lavender Monarch has Exactly Thirteen Fears

27. maybe by Christmas

I open my eyes to see Salty sitting on my legs. She is purring softly and kneading the blankets with her paws. I yawn softly and reach up to stroke her back. She responds by walking closer and rubbing her body up against my face. I giggle quietly.

"Good morning, Salty," I whisper before rolling out of bed with a sigh. A couple of hours later, I sit at my desk watching the rain streak down the windows and listen to the monotonous sound of the teacher's voice. The last day of school is always like this. The teachers have no work left to give but somehow need to find a way to fill up the class time, so they just drone on and on. It seems like an eternity has passed before the sweet sound of the bell ringing fills my ears. It's finally summer. Jade and June meet me at the front of the school, she has a massive smile on her face, and I'm already worried about what she has planned.

"It's summertime, loser!" she cries as I walk over.

"Yup," I say nodding with a bemused smile on my face.

"Hi," June says. He looks down at the ground and seems a lot shyer than usual. 

"What's up?" I ask them both. 

"I wanted to know if you'de help me set up for the art show," June asks. 

"The art show?"

"Remember, I told you about it on the trampoline. It's tonight."

"Oh yeah, right," I say. "Of course, I'll help."

"No, no, no!" Jade cries, "It's time to go shopping!" It's always time to go shopping with her.
"We've got the whole holidays for that," I say laughing. June looks relieved. 

"You suck," Jade says and pouts. I just roll my eyes with her. She'll always make you feel bad. 

"Well, the art show doesn't start till seven and I only really need you half an hour before so you probably could go with Jade for a while now..." I silently thank him. Jade and I catch the bus down the freeway to Forest Edge shopping centre, it's crowded in there unsurprisingly. The shops are the number one place everyone hits when school is finally over.

"Okay, what do you need?" she asks. Seeing as I'm here, I think I might have a look for Christmas presents for June and Patty. I need to get them both something perfect. "Bikini, makeup, shorts, perfume..." she mumbles. I glance up to see her taking notes on her phone, on first glance it seems like a much longer list then it needs to be.

"I don't need anything," I interrupt her. She immediately scrunches up her nose.

"Then why are we here?"

"To get Christmas presents..." I say quietly.

"Okay, fine. But for your Christmas present, I'm buying a smoking hot bikini." I just shrug, and she grabs my wrist to drag me into a nearby bathers store. I don't think I have a choice about this. She begins going through the racks at a rapid-fire pace, inspecting each garment and either rating it with a 'no' or a 'yes.' The yes's get thrust into my arms with a grunt.

"Jade," I start. She doesn't let me finish.

"Go try it on." I dutifully go into the changing room and try on what she has got me. I hate bathing suits, all of them just bunch up in the wrong places or hug my body too tightly. I've always preferred just swimming in massive T-shirts. It's not like June cared about that the other night at the beach.

I pull on a bright red one and take it off immediately with a sigh. Maybe black would be better. It isn't. The black one is so skimpy I feel as if I'd be indecent at any second. The pricetag is what shocks me the most. How is it they can charge so much for so little fabric? I discard it to the growing pile of 'hell no's'.

"Are you ready yet?" I hear her call from outside the changing room, and I peek my head through the curtain at her.

"I've got one on...but I don't like it."

"Let me see," she says and comes in. I eye my reflection. The one I'm wearing now is a baby blue with spaghetti straps and a high waisted bottom. She claps her hands. "It's perfect." I'm not so sure.

"I don't know, Jade. I don't really feel comfortable." She gathers my hair up and piles it on top of my head.

"See? With your hair tied up and a pair of cute flip-flops, you'll look perfect." I turn side on and bite my lip. I mean, it doesn't look terrible, and at least it covers me. "Please?" she begs, "We need it to celebrate you overcoming your fear of deep water. You'll actually be able to come swimming with us this year."

"Alright," I say, allowing a small smile to come onto my face. I hope Patty likes it. Jade insists on paying for it as an early birthday present, and she's picked out two of her own.

"C'mon," she says, grabbing my arm and dragging me off to some other store. I pull back the other way.

"Presents," I say firmly.

"For who?" she asks flatly.

"Patty...and June." Now she begins to squeal excitedly.

"Omg, yes! I'm great at picking out presents for boyfriends, and I can find something for Indigo too." We end up in some store that sells cologne. She insists that the boys will love it, but I shake my head. I need to get something more unique, I just don't know what yet. 

For Indigo, Jade sets on getting a charm bracelet. She's picked out a charm to match every date they've been on together so far. I must admit, it's really thoughtful and sweet. If only the boys would wear jewellery.

June is easier, I just go into the art store and buy him some more of the charcoal pencils he likes and get him a thirty dollar voucher so he can stock up on whatever he needs. But for Patty, I have no idea. I think I might be putting too much pressure on it. It is just a present, after all. Not a confession of undying love. 

Jade is starting to get frustrated. She wants to go buy clothes and makeup, and I'm apparently taking far too long agonizing over this one gift. I tell her to leave, and I end up by myself, still searching. If I can get him something really thoughtful and tailored, he'll know how much I care about him and start paying me more attention again. 

I'm in a two-dollar store when I see it. It's a cheesy photo frame with 'I love you,' written on the bottom surrounded by hearts. I have the perfect picture of us to go in there, it's of us sitting on the roof of his car looking up at the stars. He'll know how significant it is. After being so afraid of love all this time, admitting the possibility of it to him means more than anything. I buy it for only two dollars fifty with a smile on my face. 

Love. The word feels so foreign to me. The weight of the frame seems so much heavier than it was when I picked it up in the store. Love. I turn it over in my head, and I try to ignore the churning beginning in my stomach. It's only a word, I tell myself. But I know deep down it isn't. 

I manage to find Jade, she's standing in front of a cosmetics display inspecting eyeshadow pallettes. "What did you get?" she asks. I pull out the frame and her jaw drops. 

"W-wait." The shock on her face says everything. "Do you...love him?" she asks. 

"Not yet," I say slowly trying to come to terms with the idea of it, "but maybe by Christmas, I will."