Lavender Monarch has Exactly Thirteen Fears

26. dive

We slowly walk deeper into the water again with my hand still gripping his tightly. I glance down and see my knuckles have turned white. I can't help but let my eyes drag down to the water around them. Our hands submerge, elbows following until the water hits my shoulders. I shiver in the cold. 

Our bodies look ghostly white in the water, like snow-covered branches twisting into its inky depths. The water swirls around us malevolently. I can't see my feet. They've been swallowed up in this watery grave. I stop and stand stock still with my eyes locked on the gentle lapping of the water against our bodies. It ripples out mesmerizing me hypnotically. 

It's so deep. I'm afraid that if I take another step that it will drop off into an aching abyss and I'll be there gasping for air and spluttering like a fish out of water. I'll sink to the bottom and become a bloated corpse with blue lips. A carcass for the fish to feed on. 

I can feel the water oozing into my pores making me heavier and heavier. I'm going to drown. I'm going to be snatched up by the ankles and dragged deeper and deeper. I'm going to gasp for air, I'm going to violently try to shake it off me. I'm going to scream with only garbled bubbles escaping from my lips. I'm going to drown. I'm going to die. 

June's hand wraps tightly around me. I can feel his hot breath against my ear, "You're okay." I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm safe up on the beach playing in the sand and feeling the warm glow of the sun kiss my skin. "C'mon." I grip his hand tighter and step into the waves. I hold my breath and I dive forward. 

I never knew how quiet it was underwater. The only sound is the gentle pull of the waves and it's peaceful. I swim upwards and my head breaks through the surface. I take a deep breath of the sharp air. I can hear June clapping but it's so distant. 

Water. So thick so murky. I can feel my thoughts tipping in the balance. I'm okay. I'm going to drown. I imagine the staircase and I start to walk. I'm not going to drown. I know how to swim. June is here to help if I get stuck. There is nothing in this water to get me. I am safe. I am okay.

I swim in slow strokes back to June until my feet make contact with the sandy bank again.

"Hi," I gasp and I grab his hand. 

"Lavender, wow. You really just did that," he smiles at me widely and I feel a swell of accomplishment rise up in my chest. I really just did that. I bit my lip and smile looking back down at the water. It seems so beautiful now. 

"Yeah, I did." I grin and he does the same right back at me. I look up at his eyes and my smile only gets wider. My cheeks are almost starting to hurt. 

"You look like a chipmink," he says and reaches out to squeeze my cheeks. I bat his hand away. 

"No, you do," I say. He chuckles. 

"Okay, fine. Last one to the car is a chipmunk." I push him away and he falls back into the water behind me with a splash. "Hey!" he cries. I whip my head around to yell back at him. 

"Told you I'm not the chipmunk!" I race June across the sand back to the car in a fit of laughter. We're both still dripping wet so we put our towels down on the seats to keep them dry. He runs a hand through his hair causing the droplets to splash all over me. I shove him and he laughs again. 

"Don't you like me making you wet?" he asks and raises his eyebrows. I gape at him in astonishment. 

"June!" I cry. He just starts laughing again, barely even able to put a sentence together. 

"Your face-" he leans forward and rests his head on the steering wheel. His body is still shaking as he dissolves in fits of giggles. I shake my head at him disapprovingly. The horn suddenly goes off and he both jump up in fright. He must've leaned too hard against it. He looks at me with a look of surprise and now I'm the one who can't stop laughing.

He starts the car and the red number of the clock lights up. It's already seven pm. "We should really get home," I say as I reach over the back to grab a spare towel. I start to wring out my hair and I glance over to see that he's watching me. "What?" I ask suddenly self-conscious. Have I got seaweed in my hair or something? 

"Nothing," he smiles and switches the car into reverse. I lean my head against the window and close my eyes without even meaning to. I'm exhausted from all the mental energy I spent before. I must've drifted off to sleep, because the next thing I know, June is gently shaking me awake. I look up at him groggily and rub my eyes. 

"What?"

"We're back." He smiles and reaches over to lift a strand of her out of my eyes. He tucks it behind my ear. 

"Oh, already?" I glance out and see my house. Duh. We're here. 

"Yeah, did you want me to walk you in. 

"No, it's okay." I slide off the seat, grabbing my towel and swinging my bag over my shoulder. "See you tomorrow."

"Sure," he says and I close the door. I walk inside my house and head straight up to my room for a steaming hot shower. The saltwater is starting to make my skin itch and I'm still freezing. The warm water feels good as it runs down my back and I lean my head against the wall and shut my eyes. Facing your fears is exhausting. 

"How was the beach?" my dad asks as I wander down the stairs wrapping my hair up in a towel. 

"Yeah, it was good."

"Your attire before seems to suggest you went swimming..." he ventures. I nod my head. "Wow, I'm impressed, Lav. You haven't been swimming in years." 

"I know," I say. "It wasn't easy." He pulls me in for a hug. 

"I'm really proud of you for how you're handling all this. The therapist, medication, diagnosis. All that isn't easy either."

"Thanks," I say and lean into his arms. A big part of it all is definitely having them as such good supports to me. 

"I know exactly what you need," he says and turns around to start rustling in the cupboard. I push myself up onto the stool and rest my elbows on the bench. I have a feeling this isn't going to be so good. "Here!" he cries and turns around with a flourish. He has a crumpled up paper in his hands.  I stare back at him in confusion. 

"What is that?" 

"Only the best recipe ever!" He grins. He forces me to put on an ugly purple and green apron and he wears my mum's 'world's best cook' one. I don't know why we ever bought that to begin with. It seems very out of place in my household. 

We spend the next hour working away in the kitchen. My mum rolls her eyes at us when she comes down and sees what we're up to. Finally, we both end up with champagne glasses in our hands filled up with the tea. According to my dad, that was the only appropriate receptacle we could drink this out of. 

"Cheers!" he says and we clink our glasses together. I take a sip and the warm liquid slides down my throat like melted chocolate. He's right. This is amazing. It tastes like plump cherries and maple syrup and butterscotch. As sweet as strawberries and cream but with the perfect amount of bitterness at the back of your throat to balance it out.  I squeeze my eyes shut. It's all I can do to hold back a moan. "See?" he says chuckling, as I float off in bliss. 

"It's delicious," I say, but we share a glance both knowing what a massive understatement that is. 

"Can I... ask you something?" he says and I narrow my eyes.

"Yes," I answer hesitantly. His tone of voice seems suspicious. 

"Why are you dating Patty and not June?" he asks. I roll my eyes at him. 

Way to ruin a perfect day.