When an Angel Loses It's Wings

On November of 2017, an angel questioned and decided what was best for him to say and do. For the previous year two years ago in this day; September of 2016, the angel was conflicted, lost and closeted on his mental health. The angel stayed in inpatient for two weeks, until his head was above water and stable enough to be in the right place again. The psychologist and his parents would keep on giving him more labels, and control him by saying "This is just a phase" and judge him even more to even make him feel less of a person. The angel had decided to move to a group home to get away from the dysfunctional life he had been living for 15 years. At his new group home on the other side of the city; he had still struggled with fitting in, and what he wanted from life.

Suddenly he had a moment of reflection, and pieced all the answers together based on what he had gone through in life. "Okay.... So If I'm Not Mentally a Girl, If I'm not satisfied even if I wear gender neutral clothing, I always have desired to have a masculine figure Multi-Room whole lifetime...... Am I Trans????". The angel immediately talked to his therapists and convinced his wishy washy mother to come to see his gender therapist. With all the sessions and all the support; The angel had enough courage to embrace his inner demons. Two years forward now into thanksgiving, the angel made a huge choice to come out to the Congregation. He mustered up all his courage, came out; and received huge recognition.

The angel did not expect such an institution who has marginalized such a community for years to embrace his difference in a positive welcoming warmth. Everyone was very touched and wanted to learn more about what the angel was going to do.

The angel told everyone that he's going to recive hormones; and gender confirmation wing Surgery. This was something that he had visioned himself doing since he was very young. With the group of positive support; There is a group of negative people who were not in support and overall hated what the angel is. The obstacle that the angel had to face were expected to be difficult to challenge, but went out better than he had thought the turmoils would be. He had received his hormones the following March of 2019. The Testosterone Hormone had this amazing property that would eventually masculinize the angel, and change his Wing Appearance and Halo into a Black, and red design. Many people thought that this was a weird idea; but about a month into the angels treatment; They had started to complement that the angel kept on changing his colors and appearance for the better. 3 months into the treatment, the angel had to get his blood drawn to see what his levels were. When his results came back, his natural estrogen level was still pretty high. The angel was happy to see an increase in his testosterone dosage; Which Three Months After, he had noticed more and more changes that he had wanted to see.

The next step into the angels life, was now to move to a kingdom, that would accept his legal name change, his gender marker change, and his gender conformation surgery. Even though the group home that the angel supported the fact that he'd be taking hormone therapy, the facility system was not inclusive on an organizational level. The angel however found a place that is similar to the group home he'd lived in for three years, and has other individuals who identified as Transgender Female, Transgender Male, Non-Binary, Cisgender, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Pansexual. Although it hurt to leave the very place that felt like his home away from home, the angel knew that it was time to get one step closer to finalize stage one of his transition before he loses his wings.

When the angel had moved out of his group home; He felt a sense of freedom and motivation to take control and to start a new chapter that he had always been thinking of writing. The first two weeks of his new place, he had started his college classes, and has partnered with an angel to create a new band project. The angel had also got a name change fee and court date as well. The angel was very excited and felt like the stars were starting to align in his life. 3 months later, the angel had met with his new psychiatrist and they'd talked about what his personality is, what he still struggles with, and had a readiness assessment in order to prepare for his gender confirmation surgery that would make him the person that he had envisioned to be. The angel had met with his gender doctor to talk about how he feels on his hormones after 6 months. The angel said that he's really liking a lot of the changes; but would like to increase the dose by at least .2 doses. The doctor agreed with his idea, and also congratulated him on passing his readiness assessment. His gender doctor told him all about the surgeon that he'd be working with on his confirmation surgery, and was proud that his mother approved the idea of him getting this done; during winter break of college. The angel two weeks later meets with his surgeon and discusses on what type of surgery he'd like to pursue to make his dysphoria decrease. The angel had discussed that a T incision would give him 70% feeling in his back; but there's a chance of more scarring. The angel doesn't mind his scars. The only thing that others would see is only his halo, and the pants; shirts, band and short merchandise he always wears. After his consultation, the surgeon plans his surgery two days after school closes for the winter. The angel is very excited for this, and thanks the surgeon who will change his life, and save him as well. The angel now sets up a countdown from October to December 13th to start to prepare on what he'll be needing to eat,wear, what to do during pre op, and recovery after his procedure. The angel will also go in for his legal name change on November as well.

After two months, the angel had finished his 1st Semester as a freshman college student, received his name changed, and is now heading to the hospital to get his life changing treatment. The angel walks into his pre-op room with his stuffed animals; an I pad, some blankets, Josh Groban CDs, His I Phone, and other things to keep him company during his stay at the hospital. His mother, his group home director, his aunt, and his father are also there for Support as well. After he is dressed, and is waiting on the pre-op gurney; He meets a nurse and verifies all his medical info and also starts receiving his medicine before going into the OR. After that; he meets his child life specialist and she shows the angel what surgery room he'll be in while the surgeon does their life changing magic on him. The angel is very very happy and is starting to get tired, due to the medication that he's on before going into the OR. His family and support circle start to wish the angel well wishes before he gets wheeled in for his surgery. When the angel gets into the operating room; all the nurses and surgical staff greet the angel and ask what music he likes to listen to before he goes under anesthesia. He says that he's a huge Fall Out Boy Fan, Josh Groban Fan, and Green Day fan and anything relative to Punk Rock or Broadway. The anesthesiologist then ask what flavor he wants his air mask to be when he's going under. The angel picks bubble gum and the mask is then put on him.

The angel is now going through his life changing surgery that will save his life. Three hours later, the surgery's successfully done, and the angels very very groggy and half awake. He's also pretty high to notice that some of his friends are visiting him, but they still keep him company. He also is visited by two of his favorite musicians of all time; and his given a pair of drum sticks and his Trini Lopez Gibson Guitar. This is one of the best days of his life, and the best holiday gift that he can ever receive as well.

A month later now; he now his legally and medically transitioned. He now doesn't have to worry about using his dead name on documents. Always reflecting his wings for twenty minutes feeling a weeks worth of depression hit; and over 4 months when summer hits; He'll be able to walk around topless with out a problem and wear his tank tops with pride. After his recovery, the first two weeks were a bit difficult as far as compression binder comfort. His pain was a round a four on a scale of one to ten; but with time; he had recovered faster and faster each day.

The angel had visited his old group home, and his fellow friends and staff were very proud and excited about the changes he's gone through since leaving there, and the growth that he's gone through since his residency.

This journey was hard in the beginning, but the ending paid off in full. The angel still sees his gender doctors, and is also close in communication with is surgeons and gender development team. The angel also is a Broadway musician and tours with big name bands such as Panic At the Disco. The angel plans to stress the importance of Trans Visibility, Equality within Trans Identifying Individuals in the Schools, and also Stresses the importance and impact of fine arts and mental health.

The angel debuted on the James Corden Show; Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon, and Ellen. The angel also recently is in a Broadway musical and is recognized for being the first Trans Broadway Crossover Artist as well. The angel continues to take classes at his college and plans to start his life in New York the next two years.