Him & I | ᴊ.ʜs 🔞

|12| Allow

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Lights flicker at a crazed pace, wanting nothing more than shut off for all eternity. The pitter patter of the water in the restroom sink leaking out was the only thing I could hear besides my breathing.

No one was here, I was alone. She was gone forever just like the light bulb that had finally given up and shut off. My droopy eyes scanned the room, groaning in pain as I made a move to get up.

I whimpered, the noise itself bouncing off the walls of the empty hospital room. My attempts to call a nurse were in vain as my voice came out hoarse and inaudible. Just as I'm about to fall asleep the door creeks open.

I lift my head fast, regretting moments after as the pounding headache began to get stronger and stronger. My eyes catch a glimpse of Rin; looking like he no longer wanted to live. I reach out for him and he just breaks down in front of me.

"She's gone." He wails. Sadness clouded his features and I attempted to stand and go to him. He sobbed loudly on the floor, slowly rocking himself side to side. "I never even got to tell her that I. . ."

I sniffle, "she said it." I speak and his eyes snap onto me. I bite the bottom of my lip in order to hold in a sob and smile sadly at my heartbroken older brother, "she loved you too."

This only seems to break him more as at that point he's crying so hard that he begins to gasp for air. He punched the floor, muttering something under his breath. "this is my fault. Oh God she's dead because of me."

I cried silently, not being to do anything but watch as he broke more and more with each passing second. Rin eventually stopped crying, but the emptiness in his eyes remained. I wanted to talk to him but no words seemed right.

"This isn't fair. Why did she have to die?" He stares absentmindedly at the floor beneath his feet. He lets out a shaky breath and falls onto his knees, "then, I almost lost you too." His manages to push himself up yet again.

He strides over to me, his watery eyes bore into mine. His bottom lip quivered, grabbing my hand tightly he fake smiles, "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about." I assured, squeezing his hand in reassurance. The room around us was still unlit due to the faulty lightbulb but the sun outside the window was beginning to rise causing the room to be slightly visible.

"She's gone Elizabeth. She's not coming back. I lost her without actually ever having her." He says in an undertone that I barely manage to hear. I could only stare at my brother as nothing I could say would possibly bring her back.

And though I only attended one funeral two weeks later. I not only lost Cammie but Rin as well when he packed his things a month after and disappeared out of our lives as well.