The Adventures of Holds and Wayson

Going Batty

Author's Note: Believe it or not, September is the second most popular month for vampire films to debut in theaters (November is the first), so with September being the anniversary of so many vampire films, I am proud to present Holds and Wayson in this Dracula parody

******GOING BATTY******* 

"I say, would you please slow down?" I said to the stagecoach driver in a tone that was more panic than polite.

After bringing my head back into the stagecoach, my travel companion, partner, and friend, Samuel Holds, felt the need to inform me, "Oh come now, Wayson. The man is just doing his job."

"Doing his job?" I questioned before the carriage hit a large bump, knocking my brown bowler hat off of my head and onto the floor of the coach. "If his job is to beat horses half to death, then I would say he is doing a mighty fine job of that."

My friend rolled his eyes before taking a quick puff from the crooked pipe that hung from its tip on the edge of his mouth. "He is just trying to get us to the village as fast as he can because he thinks if he does, we will give him a good tip."

"I should say we shouldn't," I told my companion, "and for two reasons. The first being as how this is the roughest ride I have ever had and the second being we have only a few coins left to our name."

"You are forgetting, Wayson, we are in Eastern Europe," my friend reminded me, "Transylvania to be more specific. The exchange rate should be in our favor here."

"I hope so," I said before I dug through the pockets of my brown suit until I found the last of our currency I had placed in my outfit. Once I found it, I breathed a sigh of relief, but I informed my friend, "If it isn't, we may have to flip a coin tonight to decide which is more important; food or shelter."

"You could always sleep outside," Holds said with a sarcastic tone, "and I am more than willing to throw scraps to you out the window like I did once before."

Both my eyes and my mustache found themselves rolling around at the same time. "Please, let us not repeat that time you snuck into the queen's birthday banquet. That still has to be the most embarrassing thing you have ever done to me."

"You were well fed," he said before he put the pipe back into his mouth.

"People thought I was a beggar," I reminded him. "The guards brought me inside and you told them I was your chauffeur, even though we didn't have a carriage."

"They took pity on you and let you in," he argued.

"Until they figured out we were frauds!"

The horses came to an abrupt stop and I flew off my seat and into Holds's arms.

The driver flew open the door to find Holds and me in an awkward embrace. He apologized before telling us, "There isn't much time. We have to get you inside before the sun sets. It is too dangerous to be outside after dark."

He grabbed our luggage and took it inside the inn. After ringing a bell, he shouted to the walls, "I have two men here in need of rooms." He then turned around and stuck his hand out in our direction.

Seeing as how we had no idea how much room-and-board was going to be, I only tossed him one of the coins from my pocket.

"This is all?" He questioned what I had given him. "I just saved your lives, and this is all you give me?"