The Adventures of Holds and Wayson

Headless Hollow

Dear Readers,

HAPPY NEW YEAR! For those of you who do not know, 2020 marks the 200th anniversary of Washington Irving's classic tale The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. This story of humor in which Holds and Wayson encounter the characters of this beloved story.

Thank you for reading,

The Swell Owl

Holds and I hadn't eaten in days, so when we heard the little village of Sleepy Hollow was holding a pie-eating contest, we signed up for it without hesitation.

The man in charge looked at the sheet of paper and rad our names out loud. "Samuel Holds and Doctor Josh Wayson." He adjusted his monocle before saying, "I've never heard of you two men before."

It was the first time we had not been confused with our two famous counterparts. Thank God for these people who tried to remain as distance from the homeland as possible and knew little to nothing as to what was going on back in England. I love The Colonies.

Before the contest began, Holds and I were placed between two of the most opposite of men I had ever seen in my life.

The first was a husky Herculian man whose biceps were bigger than my brain. His name was Brom Bones and based on the sound of the cheers people gave him, it didn't just sound like he was favored to win but that he was going to win. He was their hometown hero, but not their local legend as I would soon come to find out.

As I continued to stare at Brom, who was sitting next to me, Holds was having a pleasant conversation with the man seated next to him.

The man's name was Ichabod Crane. He was the new schoolmaster and one of only a handful in the town who knew how to read.

The schoolmaster was a walking broomstick with an Adam's apple the size and shape of a pear. He had a crooked nose and a cleft chin but despite his lanky appearance, he had all the confidence Brom Bones had if not more.

As soon as our hands were behind our backs and a pie was in front of us, a gun fired and the contest began.

I paid no attention to my competitors. My sole focus was on the food that was in front of me.

The contest lasted only a minute or two, but when it had finished, my belly was half-full.

The results came another minute or two later and to the shock of every present, Brom Bones took third place, Holds took second, and believe it or, Ichabod Crane took first.

After the results were announced, a short, plump man shouted to the crowd, "I have never seen such eating in all my life!" His name was Baltus Van Tassel and he was the host of The Autumn Festival. The wealthy Dutch farmer than turned his attention to the top three winners and announced to all who were present, "These men are invited to my house this evening after the conclusion of the festival."

It took me giving my partner a slight jab in the gut before he remembered to ask Van Tassel if he could bring a guest.

"Why, of course, my boy," the jolly jelly-bellied man said as he put his arm around my partner. "Your friend can come too, even though he came in dead last."

I chose to ignore the comment.

Van Tassel was a man who knew how to throw a party. There was music, dancing, and more food there in his house than there had been at the festival. Holds ate till he was full and so did I. Most of the other guests didn't seem to mind as they were either engrossed in the dancing or in the continuous contest going on between Brom Bones and Ichabod Crane, who were both fighting for the attention of Van Tassel's daughter, Katrina.