Scarlet Letter Anthology

Rain - @revelationmachine1

Rain. Why did it have to exist?, I thought on my way back home as its chilly blades landed on my face. More importantly, how could people love it so much?

It's romantic, Sanjay!, people would utter at me.

Season of love my ass.

The only thing it was good for was making you cold and wet while walking around on your drenched shoes and socks. As if on cue, my Chuck Taylors started squeaking and I felt my feet gradually soak. Sounds about right.

It only took about half a minute for my clothes to get soggy and heavy. Another great thing about precipitation, - sense my sarcasm - it doesn't always announce itself, no matter how evolved technology had gotten to predict the weather and make our lives easier. It still caught you by surprise, so I wore my favorite stuff that day, which wasn't exactly water-friendly, much less water-proof.

But I blamed my own stupidity in this case. It was monsoon season, for crying out loud, why did I believe forecasting? I would also not bring an umbrella, either way, those are nothing but liabilities that can cost you an eye on busy crowds. Besides, they can't really keep you dry.

The last remainders of people and a couple of stray dogs (yep, animals hate the rain too, cause they know it sucks) passed by me in a blur, running away from the damp. Idiots! That only makes you get wet faster. Not that it would make a difference right about now when I was already saturated. Still, I wouldn't test my luck, I'd always trip and fall on puddles whenever I tried to run under the rain; it made everything slippery.

And to top it off, a car ran by me, splashing me with filthy water from the street, just to make sure the last teeny tiny part of me wasn't left uncared for.

I hopelessly looked up at the ominous grey clouds and cursed as loud as I could, hating the world. When I looked down I was smacked by the glistening vision of my ex, standing up ahead.

Even though skies were falling on our heads, Alia looked stunning, and I instantly felt self-aware, realizing I must have looked like a drowned, miserable rat. Her wet, bronze skin sparkled as if bathed in stars. Her slightly hooded eyes bore an air of innocence. She just stood there, blinking those long lashes of hers at me, breathing hard.

She'd been probably dancing in the rain like a delusional goof before I showed up. I remembered how she used to love it. She'd always take me by the hand and have us dance, hug or kiss as nature showered us. And I'd let her because I loved her so much I couldn't say no. I'd let her do anything to me if it would've made her smile or stop looking at me like she hated me. Anything.

How many times have I stepped outside on the rain, of my own will, just to see her brown eyes shine and know with pride that I had done that; that I was responsible for her happiness?

Alia was that kind of person, the one who loved everything and everyone, who was incapable of thinking ill or doing harm to even the nastiest person out there. Wherever we'd go she would make new friends and people would go "aw" whenever she had to leave... Always polite, always caring. How an angel like her dated such a cynical douche as myself for over three years I'll never understand.

But I did understand why she had left me.

I took a tentative step forward, I had to get home after all. We couldn't just stand there looking at each other from a distance, as if the world had stopped turning, 'cause it hadn't, no matter how much it seemed like it.

She mimicked my move, slowly walking in my direction and I did the same. With some luck, we'd just pass each other in silence and pretend that encounter had never happened. It wouldn't be so improbable, given that we never had any closure when we broke up. We just argued over some bullshit I can't even remember, but was definitely my fault - probably my temper, my mood or my 'emotional distance', as she would frequently put - and she left, stating she had enough and that she couldn't do this anymore.

Did I go after her? Did I try to stop her? No. Of course not. I was just like that. If you want to get a new haircut, get one; you want to go home, go; if you want to leave me, leave. Even in my lowest moment, when I had seen the woman of my life, my best friend since high school, go out the door to never return, I didn't do shit. No wonder she was sick of me.

As we got closer, I could make out her expression and it didn't look blasé at all as I expected. I thought when I saw her again she would either look breezy from the lack of Sanjay in her life or, at the very least, uncomfortable from an unwanted sight of her ex. But she looked neither. No, she looked... Anguished. Much like myself.

We stopped at a safe distance, staring as we had never seen each other before. My mind rushed to think of something to say. There was so much left unsaid between us, and yet I was rendered speechless. You know how that is, you picture the scene in your head so many times, going over all the things you would say and do, and when it happens you have nothing.

Her lips parted, but only my name came out. And then more silence. At this point, I might as well have been a fish for being so long in the water, but curiously enough I didn't mind. Alia was in front of me. Screw the rain, screw the humidity, screw the earthy smell that took my nostrils no matter how much concrete there was around me. It even made me nostalgic, made me associate it with the memory of her, adding to my misplaced anger. There was only one thing I wanted to do then, but there was another thing I had to do first.

"Alia..." I hesitantly said, gulping to let out the next part. "I'm sorry"

It had to be said. Of all the words that went on in my head when I imagined this moment, "sorry" wasn't on the list. I went from cursing to trying to win her back in the whole spectrum of emotions that had followed our abrupt breakup, but it had never occurred to me to apologize.

But it was clear to me now. No matter how many gestures, how many dates, gifts, sleepless nights of passionate fucking, I never really showed her how much I loved her. Any jackass could do those things, but that unseen and unspoken thing you feel that lets you know you're appreciated... That thing I felt coming from her, I never reciprocated.

I was a detached son of a bitch who didn't know a first thing about feelings. And even when I felt, I couldn't show or tell. That's why she had left me. All she wanted was to be acknowledged, and for failing at that I apologized.

I didn't say anything else, didn't have to. She got it, somehow, because the next thing she did was reach up to my nape and I was gone. I embraced her rain-soaked body and seized her lips. I was surprised by her arms looping around me, claiming me to her too and I took the chance to taunt her mouth with my tongue, amazed when she let me in. I tasted her once again after so long, checking to see if she still felt the same and I was taken with that familiar sensation from her greedy mouth. So satisfying. So inebriating.

And while we kissed under the pelting rain, it dawned on me that all along I had been hoping she would give me another chance, I was just too stubborn to admit it. Was this it? Was she giving me another chance? It truly didn't matter. All that mattered was that she still wanted me and that had to mean something. Even if not what I would have expected.

I traced her dripping skin all over like a blind man and decided to just be in the moment. We panted under the drumming torrent all around us, giving in to a dormant, long-forgotten desire that had just been awakened.

When we finally pulled apart to breathe, she eyed me with those amber beads and rubbed the stubble in my face. That was new to her.

As I pushed a stray tendril of her hair away, I was suddenly suffocated by not one, but many burning questions. Can we try again? Are you seeing someone? Do you still love me or is this just attraction? Or even just familiarity? Do you ever think about me?

I shook those off before I ruined everything once again. I gave her yet another deep, breath-taking kiss. She welcomed me by grasping the clingy fabric of my clothes. I then held her in my arms and kissed the top of her head, letting her cuddle to me again. We rocked under the ruthless rain, silently agreeing not to overthink this for the moment.