A finite space called "Me."

Day six: Make me think.

Today I will show you the thing that I think. Why? Because I think it's kinda important for me understanding myself. Ok so lets see how long this will go. Higurashi will be my background my music I will be listening to for I love it and I will be typing how I want to speak.

I live a nice life compared to others I think. No matter who or where you live though it have it problems. I for one don't really like warm places so during the summer I just try and make it go faster. I also have trouble with the people I knew growing up only recently having friends and even have a few people get close to me and telling them my problems. Memory will always be a problem for me. I can't really recall stuff that I learned if it's boring but I will definitely remember something if its intriguing or cool like psychology, math, or physics which I've always been interested in for some reason. Maybe it's because I feel like I understand it like math or its been in my mind because of a show like steins gates quantum physics or Higurashi's Psychology. I say this like I've been interested in it for my whole life but when I say my life Im now only talking about the things after I left Mexico because that's when my life really became something. During my stay in mexico I found Higurashi and after I left it I found Steins gate while looking for something to fill my curiosity in my new found interest of death and rebirth and its problems if you could remember everything. With steins gate I took Math seriously and during last year I made a grade in the high 90’s and got an award but something was weird about it. My family praised me for it but I didn't feel much from them only a growing thing I had with them. A feeling of disconnection. My sisters and mother praised me but I wanted to get away from them. I was bizarre to think and yet I think this way still. I think it's more of a feeling of irritation especially towards my oldest sister. She's not well in the head no more so I ignore her but I have a feeling that something is coming from her. She gives off a certain vibe. Jealousy maybe spite towards herself somehow. She is smart but has made a bad choice of looking into the eyes of the green beast, with its eyes making any person it sees fall from grace and plument into madness, a state of pure unrest and fury. That is what I can describe my sister as of now but I do miss her I dont think its fair for me to think of her that way. She is still my sister not a behemoth of rage and malice. My mother is simple. I just miss her but I can't too close or she’ll find out what her son wants right now and that's to be someone who I want to be. I don't know myself but I think it's just a to crossdress for now. Now onto another topic something more peaceful I can describe. 

I think a lot about dreams. I just like the idea of being somewhere your mind can control but you normally can't. Most of my dreams are nice. I think of math a lot in my dreams. Just basic stuff that make up our mind and body. Like what you can do physically. But that's not what I want to say right now. A bells melody, a crystal, and a bond that is what I will say for that is a subject I want to be in right now. 

A bell is nice sound isn't it. I like them and find it as a nice thing to keep if you can. Just sake around some metals to make me happy and peaceful. How is it that I feel better talking about the simple things in life. Maybe a little dumb yes but I feel happy. I still want freedom like everyone else just play me a melody and I can feel it from it. Without end is the melody really a thing like it or would be a monsterous enitady that we would encapture? How would such a thing sound if it has no end. Would it even be called a melody anymore or would we make a new word or such a thing. What classifies a thing like melodies. I don't know it just confuses me. 

A crystal is a nice thing to look at even broken it's still beautiful. If it were smashed it would still have a certain part of its form stay. Let's keep it nice, the crystal I mean. Just look at them from time to time and think your thoughts. Mine is a simple one I think. Why do still stay so nice even when broken in pieces. Then I thought again. Why do I still do this.

Bonds are think you make slowly. Be patient and you can be the happiest person everyone knows. With patience you can be loved but it's also important to love them back. Bonds and love to me are very similar but fundamenty need to be separate. I you could love someone but without a strong bond it could be just one sided. There is also times where a bond can be connected quickly but not instantly I feel I can't explain it but I just think it. Bonds and love I think necessary to truly be happy. Simple but true in my mind. I want to share my love with the people I grew my bonds with. Love is like a fruit while bonds are the roots. If you want a good fruit you need to take care of the soil it stands in which I think are emotions are the connections. To put it simply Love is a fruit, bonds are the roots, and emotions are the soil. With a strong roots and good soil you can have a great fruit.