Revealing Mark - Loving Bad Series (Sample of Published Book)

Chapter 1 - Part 1

Tracy

The speeches were done and everyone was seated. I swirled my champagne wishing it was over already. I glanced down at the gold watch strapped to my wrist wondering how long before it would be okay to leave. Each time I had to attend a family event he was there. The he I was referring to was seated across from me at the dining table, Mark Bishop. My brother's best friend.

I felt uncomfortable in the royal blue cocktail dress I wore and my feet were killing me. I rarely wore high heels, I spent most of my time in sandals or trainers. Occasionally I liked to dress up but I couldn't imagine having to do this regularly. I had worn my hair down on my mother's insistence. Usually I preferred it up in a messy bun out of my way.

I kept myself from looking at Mark directly but I was still aware of every movement, every sound he made. It never got any easier. I had begun to resent his presence in my tightly knit family. His stark green eyes and dark brown hair were ingrained in my memory with his handsome features. From his square jaw to the dimples that made my stomach dip when he smiled.

"Stop frowning," Sophie admonished softly beside her with discreet elbow in her side, pulling me out my day dreaming. Sophie was my younger sister by a year.

"I'm not," I whispered back, hoping not to draw Mark's attention.

I gently kicked my sister back under the table and she stifled a giggle. I wanted to roll my eyes at her. She acted so immature at times it was difficult to believe she was only a year younger.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see him still talking to my brother's fiancé, Sarah. They were talking intently. His hands played with the stem of the champagne glass.

Unable to take it anymore I drained my champagne. The alcohol would ease the turmoil inside of me. Why after so long did I still feel the same way about him when he had done nothing, absolutely nil, to encourage it? Was I just a sucker for punishment? Wanting someone who wasn't interested in the slightest. Or was it that he was unattainable that made him more attractive?

It wasn't like I hadn't tried to move on. Just remembering my last attempt was enough for me to reach for the open bottle of champagne on the table and fill up my glass. I didn't want to think back to my last ex-boyfriend, Jack, or the last fight a few nights ago that had ended it.

We had only dated for a few months and I hadn't felt anything when he had finally moved out the day before.

My focus landed on my parents and something warm tugged in the middle of my chest as I watched them affectionately sat beside each other. That was what I wanted, that same love they looked at each other with but so far I was failing miserably.

I couldn't feel anything for the guys I did date and felt too much for the man who was unattainable.

I sighed as I set my glass back down.

"What's with you?" Sophie asked, taking in my slumped shoulders.

"I'm just on in the celebrating mood," I whispered, shrugging.

"Is it because of Jack?"

The sound of my ex's name was enough to darken my mood. I shook my head. My little sister know more about my personal life than anyone else. Matthew my older brother by two years was pretty over protective but I hadn't been able to reveal to him my latest relationship disaster. It was just too much.

There was so much happiness around me that I was beginning to develop a complex. What was I doing wrong? I couldn't figure it out. I had tried to feel something for him. Maybe I had pushed for something that had never been there.

Mark laughed and my stomach fluttered at the sound. The unwanted feeling grew my resentment.

I gulped a few more mouthfuls of the champagne. I didn't usually drink but the week had been stressful with breaking up with Jack and having to prepare myself to deal with Mark when I was already feeling so vulnerable and in no way prepared to pretend the sight of him didn't jolt me awake with a fizzle in my veins.

Whenever he looked at me I came alive with every nerve. No one had ever made me feel like that. In his absence I was dormant.

"You didn't say anything to Matt?" I asked her softly ensuring no one was listening. Although I was pretty sure if she had I would have heard about it from him already.

The last thing I needed was Matthew finding out how badly things had gone with Jack, especially when my brother had pulled me aside when I had first started dating him to warn me off him.

"He is great," I had defended blindly.

"Look, I'm not trying to meddle but there is something about him that I don't trust." I had rolled my eyes at him and brushed off his concern. I had been determined to make it work.

Three months later, and I had to admit he had been right.

Had I been so desperate to have someone that I had overlooked obvious signs that things weren't going to work out?

"Geez no," Sophie whispered. She glanced to where our brother sat beside Sarah. "If he ever found out he would pummel him."

The last thing I needed was witnesses my disastrous personal life. And if Matthew found out, Mark would too. And that would make the humiliation a lot worse than it already was.

I let out a sigh and lifted my glass to take another sip of the fizzy alcohol that was loosening me up.

"You better let up on the alcohol otherwise you're going to get drunk," my sister warned. "The last thing Mom and Dad need is that on their anniversary weekend."

I couldn't argue with her but it didn't stop me from taking another sip of the champagne.

"I'll leave before I get too drunk," I reasoned with her.

She gave me a disbelieving look. She knew me well, sometimes better than I knew myself.

My immediate family which included Mark and Sarah along with my aunt, my sister's mom and her husband, finished dinner. Mark's presence drew my attention again and I hated how relaxed he looked compared to how worked up I felt inside. It had been stressful and I couldn't wait to get back to my apartment to be on my own. I liked my own company, having people around just seemed to complicate things.

Maybe I would be better off as a spinster. Maybe I needed a cat or dog? But I dismissed that thought. I couldn't even keep a pot plant alive, how could I could keep a living thing alive? No, it was more than I could handle, at least for the moment.

I had helped my sister in organising a weekend to my parent's favourite country club to celebrate their twenty seventh wedding anniversary. But seated in the midst of it I wished I hadn't.  We should have stuck to a celebration dinner and been done with it. To be around Mark for an entire weekend seemed too much to handle at the moment. Maybe if things had gone better with Jack it would have been easier.

Excluding Mark from the weekend would have only raised eyebrows. He was as good as family, a surrogate son to my parents.

I didn't know the whole story about Mark's family and home life but he had spent almost every spare moment outside of school at our house. From the day my brother had befriended him they had been inseparable. He hadn't been very talkative, instead he had spent most of he had observing our family. He had always been polite but reserved.

Even now years later he was still the same guy just more grown up. Gone were the boyish features that had stolen my heart and in their place was the hard defined features of a man who made my skin tingle and pulse quicken.

I'd practically grown up with him around but there was still so much I didn't know. I had once asked Matthew about Mark's family but my brother had told me in no uncertain terms to mind my own business. I had let it go, too scared that my brother would discover the crush I harboured for his best friend.