H.Y.D.R.A.'s Spider 🕷

Nightmares

<Bold is the nightmare or a memory. It will make more sense as you read. Enjoy!>

(PETERS POV)

I stand in a white room. Is it a room? I'm not sure. There were no walls. In front of me were people. Roughly 200. They were sitting down, in rows. The front row were the Avengers. The people I can call family. In unison, they stand up and stare almost into my soul.
"You did this, Peter" they said. What did I do? As if they read my mind, one at a time they turn around, revealing a nasty bullet wound in the back of each of their heads. I start to shake and cry. I did this!? Why? Then all of a sudden, they disintegrate into the white floor, and reveal the others, all the people I've killed, and I remember every. Single. One.
Wendy Crown-Bullet
Tom Downey-Choking
Peter Hill-Poison
Steven Quill-Broken Neck
And it goes on. They show me every single mark I left on them. I was silent, but messy. I sink to my knees and cry. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't brea-
I bolt up in a hospital bed. I'm sobbing and having a panic attack. Not a good mix. I can't breathe and the tears are salty against my lips. I try to suck in air but my attempts are futile.
"F-fri-d-aay!" I breathe out. She responds instantaneously with "Peter, do you need Natasha? Or someone else?" I nod and clutch my chest. It hurts for my heart to beat.
"Tasha" I quickly respond, and within minutes she rushes into the hospital room and sits beside me on the bed.
"Peter, little spider, you need to breathe. Breathe with me." She pushes my chest against hers and that's how we sit, for what feels like hours. I calm down slowly, and I can finally breathe again.
"Natasha... I'm sorry."
She smiles and shakes her head at me.
"What happened to Tasha? I liked that way more. And if you say sorry once more, you won't be able to speak... alright? So what was that about?" I cuddle closer into her. She snuggles for a second then pushes me away. "Come on, little spider. You need to tell me." I shake my head as tears blur my vision.
"I killed you all. I saw my victims. I remembered all of them." I shake my head and roll onto my back. She understands.
"Well, it's 5:30 am. You're still healing, but you must be hungry. Lets go eat." I don't really want to, but as I mentioned before, you don't make assassins angry. I get help to walk from her, and follow her out. When we get out of the metal box thing, and we get to the kitchen/living room, all the avengers are there. I turn to Tasha.
"Мама Паук, я не верю себе, чтобы не навредить им. Помоги мне. Пожалуйста." I say. She turns to me in a comforting way.
"Почему бы и нет? Это из-за твоей мечты, Питер? Потому что ты не причинишь вреда мухе" I just nod. Let's not get into an argument now. I follow her to the kitchen, where Pietro, Wanda, Vision, Sam, Tony and Steve sit. The others are watching TV.
Nat just strolls in and makes toast for her and I. They all glance in my direction, and smile, but don't speak to me. I don't want to hurt them. I make my way away from them, into the farthest corner of the room. Away from the others. Away from sharp or dangerous objects. Away from danger itself.
"Danger is all around you. You are dangerous. Everyone will bow before you"
No. Nonononono ! Don't come back! I don't want to remember. For once, I don't want to remember.
I start to shake and look for something to cling to. A person, an object, anything to stop me from going back.
(Flashback)
I lay on the metal table as my two fleshy arms are tied to my sides.
"What is your name?" A man with a cold stare and icy blue eyes states to me.
"W-Win-t-ter Spi-de-der. Sir." It was so cold, and I felt so empty. The man walks out of my line of vision, and then walks back with a scalpel. Without a word, he cuts into various places on my torso and legs. He does this for hours. And leaves me to bleed. I manage to heal, just as his men return. They rip me off the table and drag me back to my 'room' And that was it. No food, no water, nothing. I curl up into a ball, and cry myself to sleep...
When I finally snap out of my memory, almost all the avengers were crowded round my corner. I start to breathe heavier and more quickly until they back off. I still can't seem to calm down though. Tasha moves to the front of the group, only then realising what had happened. She turns around and whispers to someone behind her, before letting someone else approach me. He had one arm, and his long dark hair was pulled back partially in a bun. He had a kind smile on his face and walked quietly and slowly.
"Hey bud, you know who I am?" I nod my head.
"B-Bucky." His smile grows wider.
"Yeah, that's right. It's great to talk to you. Can you calm down so we can talk?" I nod again and sit up straighter. He shuffles towards me on his knees and lifts up the right side of his shirt. He had a HYDRA brand as well.
"See this? Yeah? I was at HYDRA too. That's why I'm missing an arm. I have some questions, if you want to answer them. You don't need to alright?" He drops his shirt back down as I answer his question.
"Yeah. I can do that." I whisper. It's barely audible, but he heard me. I'll ask him about that if I'm allowed.
"So, Peter. Do you remember anything before HYDRA?" I shake my head remembering the rule: Don't speak unless spoken to explicitly. He reaches his arm out and holds my hand.
" You're allowed to talk, Peter. Come on bud. Anything? " I shake my head again. He keeps trying to pry information out of me, but I know nothing. For some reason though, I don't freak out. It feels so natural.