Breathing may have seemed easy. It was easy.
The air was so fresh, and the scenery was so beautiful. Mountains surrounded the house and the lake in front of it, the lake that extended for meters and meters on end. On the side, another mountain began. And the trees, there were so many and they were so refreshingly green, with the odd spots of pink, orange and red, either from flowers or fruits.
It was breathtakingly beautiful. It looked like what a fresh start would feel like.
Somehow, though, breathing seemed impossible. She felt suffocated breathing in the flowery scent. Everywhere she looked was so bright, such a stark difference from herself.
Everything around her was happy and relaxed, and she despised it. Not even the delicious cookie she was angrily munching on made her feel better. Not even the glistening water of the lake.
Actually, maybe it could, she thought as she power walked to a part of shore she knew was a little hidden away, yet not too far. Without a care, she started stripping herself of her thin T-shirt and jeans, just as she started getting close to the lake. She dropped the clothes, along with her sneakers and socks, in a pile on top of a rock, and ran to the water.
She swam until she was exhausted, then just lightly kicked her legs to keep her afloat while thinking.
It would've been more practical to have something to punch to let out her frustrations, but this would do. She'd always felt comfortable in water, so it really wasn't all that bad to have it enveloping her, calming down her burning face. That always happened when she thought of things that made her angry, but that she thought shouldn't be angry about. To have something familiar and comforting was nice. It helped her organize her mind.
She hated everything about this trip. It was supposed to be a 'friends spending some quality time together now that school was over and we aren't as busy' trip. She didn't want to go. The one thing she didn't want to do was spend more time necessary with the happy couple. The boy she had fallen for and the bitch who he was with.
Actually, they were both assholes who matched each other perfectly.
She had been trying her best to distance herself, to sort out her mind and get a better grip on herself. She decided that after the bowling incident.
See, the actual incident had nothing to do with bowling. Their friend group had made plans to go for bowling, and it was fun. They all went, even the thing he was dating. Despite her lack of an actual personality and the stink eye she gave her when she thought she wasn't looking, they surprisingly managed to get along.
The problem was after. The girl had to do something, an assignment or something, so she left early. Once everyone left, she got a ride home from him, since they lived quite close to each other.
They decided to hang out at his house for a little while. It was night already and they didn't bother to turn on many lights, so it was quite dark. It was also a cold night, and they sat on the sofa while talking, a little too close.
The small amount of beers drunk didn't excuse the gaze he was giving, or the hand caressing her arm. Nothing, really, would ever excuse the brush of their lips.
Ignoring the spark she felt, she got up, grabbed her jacket and just walked away from his apartment, from him.
She was stupid enough to let him touch her intimately, dismissing it because he had a girlfriend and he couldn't possibly mean it like that. Except he did. Because he was bad person. Because he couldn't be trusted. And she was stupid enough to fall for that.
That had been a good couple of weeks before. Since then, she had done her best to ignore them, which meant ignore her friend group since they were as far up his ass as she was. It hadn't been easy, the only people she could talk to were her older friends, who lived in different countries with different time-zones. Until this.
She couldn't say no, obviously, otherwise they would know she was avoiding them. So, she had to swallow her pride and say yes. And here she was, dealing with the anger of still having feelings for someone who she knew wasn't good for her, swimming away her frustrations and letting her tears mix with the lake water.
She felt weak and pathetic, she hated feeling like that. How else could she feel, knowing she almost turned into a cheater, knowing how he had her in the palm of her hand. She was determined to change that, but determination wasn't everything. Determination didn't mean her feelings were deleted, it just meant she had to suppress them even further.
At least, now, if given the chance to have him, she would say no, and that was an improvement.
They could be despicable together, for all she cared. For now, she'd swim, let the water heal her and wait for the time when things would get better.
