Loss and Affection {Larry Stylinson}

Part 1 : Shut Me Out and Shut Me Up

Louis' POV

I sat in my new room, filing through the multiple boxes, unpacking and organizing.

I hated moving days, though I was no stranger to them. As a kid we had always been moving from place to place. My mom was the only one to care for us, and was constantly jumping from job to job, downgrading houses to fit our situation, but in time, things have settled.

She met my stepdad a year ago. He's quite honestly a great husband, I can see he truly loves my mom and cares for her the best he can. But as the decision came that we would move in with him, that required us to once again switch towns. Which brings me to Holmes Chapel.

Though it was a small town, I liked it well enough. Just the fact that I got my own room was absolutely fantastic. After being bunked with my sisters for years, this place is heaven. My room wasn't particularly large, and the walls were painted a mildy disgusting shade of yellow, but it was my own space. I couldn't ask for more.

After spending an hour unpacking clothes and situating my closet, there was a knock at my door.

"Come in." I answered. My mom opened to door, a grin on her face, sliding into the room.

"Wow. Would you look at this, a whole room to yourself!" She smiled down at me where I was sitting cross legged on the floor. It was nice to see her so happy.

"This really is amazing mum, thank you so much." I said, "And no more having to deal with the horrors of Lottie's 'bad hair days!'"

She laughed, genuinely laughed. She's been doing that a lot lately. "No need to thank me love, thank Dan if anyone, he's done so much for us." She replied, eyes still exploring the space. "This yellow is disgusting." She noted.

I chuckled because god knows I'll be hearing that a lot. There was no denying it was puke worthy. "I can live with that."

"Well lunch is ready downstairs when you are, soup and sandwiches for today."

"Thanks mum, let me just get through this box and I'll join you."

***

In the next three days everyone had situated themselves into their rooms. My mum and Dan shared a room, obviously. Lottie and Fizzy in another, Daisy and Phobe in the other.

The house was new to everyone, Dan included, as his old house simply wouldn't fit this many people. It would take a while to get used to the place, but it felt like home already. Mum has been lighting scented candles as she always has, filling the house with a familiar scent.

We all sat gather around the dinner room table for the first proper meal since arriving. Everyone had helped cook, steak, potatoes, cooked carrots, and bread. Proper fancy.

"So is everyone ready for school on Monday?" My mum questioned. I hummed in response while Lottie went off, exclaiming how excited she was to being going back to school.

I had mixed feelings about school. Didn't do great at it but enjoyed the experience well enough. Most people were nice, at my last high school at least.

"Louis? Are you listening dear?" My mum asked.

"Hmm? Sorry, I missed that" I get lost in my thoughts often it's nothing new. I zone out and just think. My whole family has adjusted to it. Gently inviting me back into conversations.

"I asked if you would like to drive the car to school on Monday." I have just started driving by myself, and my mother offers the car to me when she can. Considering she has yet to find a job in the area, I'm grateful enough to get it most days lately.

"I would love to."

After washing up, we all headed to our rooms. I showered quickly, in the small bathroom off of my room. My own bathroom, would you believe it! Changing into a pair of clean boxers and a lose black tank top, I jumped into bed.

Two days from now I'll be starting at a new school. I won't know anyone. I've always hated that. I enjoy being the center of attention, and am always wanting someone's full attention. But surrounded by people I just met, I choke a little. I try to act more confident than I am, and even though most the time it flies, I sometimes find myself in vulnerable situations.

In middle school, starting new in year 8, I was picked on a lot. I was small, loud, flamboyant. I tried to be funny but people just weren't entertained. And I liked a boy, which some found discussing. I'd get called names, thrown around a bit, and most teachers just turned their cheek. Luckily, we didn't stay there for long, and soon moved back to Doncaster where we live for two years before ending up here.

I know I'm gay. I've never been attracted to girls and have always wanted relationships with guys. I've dated a few, but none of them were serious relationships. More like trying to figure ourselves out.

My first boyfriend was a guy named Riley, year 9. We were both on the footie time and soon became good friends. After awhile we became more than friends, but no one knew he was interested in guys so we kept that to ourselves.

But after awhile, I got tired of hiding, and decided to call it quits. We still managed to remain friends though. Even now, we text to get caught up, and see how the other is doing. I do care about him.

Glancing at the clock, I became aware of the time. 1:24. With the lack of curtains in my room, I reckon I'll be up by 9am. That will be a task for tomorrow, getting curtains. As of now, I need to rest up in order to mentally prepare for school.

Hopefully it'll all work out.