Ever felt like you don't belong? I do most of the time. I watch my friends smiles and try to match and try to be happy but I can't stop feeling like something's missing.
They all out here having good things going for them while I'm boring as hell. I...
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I went to my mom's job instead of staying at home. She'll be angry that I'm not at school but if I'm getting a hard time I'm not staying there. I love the school, it self but not the children. I've always learnt from my grandma not to trust people. I finally understand. Some people are probably thinking why couldn't I just join the heights? Do you join people who have bullied you and others? I don't let much things go. I've been treated like Shit by Them for years Robin gets pregnant by one and they wanna be somewhat nice to her. They all have something that gives them a spot. I wish I could be crushed and die right now everything feels like shit right now. I have nothing about me that's good enough for a spot. I'm suspected as gay because I chose not to have a girlfriend and had female friends also for period of time had a magenta bag. I hate school stereotypes. I feel lonely and people say I did that to myself because apparently if I could just take the joke that is always used on me, I would have friends. I'm not going to accept being called something I'm not because it's not a joke. Life is stupid. I'm in the elevator to my mom's office and I shouldn't be here in the first place but here I am. I don't want to be in school or home. I feel like everything is coming out of grasp. What's going on with me?
"Why are you here?" My mom says looking up from her desk. "I can't. I can't be there. I can't be there. It hurts." I say letting a tear slip.
"I don't get it. All that's happening is that you friends don't want to be losers anymore and everyone thinks you're gay. Nothing serious. You're acting like you're getting threats against your life. Get over it."
I hate that phrase. They use it alot. Get over it not only do I hate that I hate Nothing serious. In the first place if I didn't get angry and say something they wouldn't done anything like try and invite me.
I already live in a neighborhood who live off status and install that into they're kids. Everyone is plastic, so fake. I hate it. I never felt Valid or special.
I hate my story I hate my life at this point. At the point of having many friends to having none feels like shit.
"You're not supposed to be here Randy! LET ME BE A FUCKING GOOD MOM FOR ONCE AND NOT HAVE MY MOTHER FIXING MY MISTAKES!! You think your life is shit at your age I was pregnant with you alone no friends, no support, no social status being constantly watched. I didn't want anything to do with you at first and realized why the fuck would I ever think of doing that. I never felt like a good enough mother to you. Sometimes I hate seeing going through feeling like a loser but please stop. I hate it. You have it so much better."
...
"I wanna cry."
"Then cry. I'm not going to stop you. Deal with it."
