The Diary of a Fellow Lost Soul

ME

Hello. I'm not sure how to even start this off but here we go.

I grew up in a pretty religious house and if anybody (which I'm sure there is) else has you to know how hard it is to speak and even in some cases think. The interesting part is that my parents were never as religious as they are now before I was born. It was like I was the outcast of the before family if that makes any sense. 

I have three siblings who have experienced the pre-religious people I call parents. It's truly been interesting to see how different my siblings are from. They've had more freedoms and yet more pain than I have. They've experienced our parents being open and allowing them to be themselves to them being bible-thumping, overbearing, people-pleasing individuals. For them, religion was thrown at them, but for me, it was just a way of life, the norm. 

I watched my siblings defy my parents, as well as the church. I always thought about how crazy they must have been and how could they, those are our parents. 

As you get older you start seeing things for what they really are and stop seeing them through rose-colored glasses. Sometimes I do miss my dear old glasses of ignorance. I started realizing that my siblings weren't being "defiant" but instaead fighting for their individualism. My eyes were now open to the fact that I didn't really enjoy church but enjoyed the perks ( the body and blood of Christ were pretty yummy) that came with being a child there.  

Being told "no" so many times you just stop asking and learn to just accept what is happening. 

But now that I'm older I'm still struggling to find my true authentic self. I've found that in my head I no longer care what the outside world has to say but I still feel indifferent in the actual outside world.

I want to know why others haven't found their true authentic selves and what's keeping them from it. "Me" was just the surface of my "Why?", the thin film over hot milk if you will.

Comment or Message me if you want to be a part of this journey. If you want, need, or crave an open heart, ear, or need advice.

Remember just because you didn't go through it doesn't mean it isn't important or impactful. We all experience hurt, pain, and struggle but we shouldn't go through it alone.