Mochi

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

I glance around, trying to obtain my bearings before facing Jimin, who is patiently waiting for me to turn around.

"Olivia, " he sighs, my name is like a broken whisper upon his lips.

I allow myself to imagine the way his lips are probably trembling. I can see it, as clearly as if I were looking at him right now.

We are five, we are ten, even at sixteen years of age, and the look on his faces changes not once.

"In all these years... " I confess suddenly. So quietly that I almost can't be sure I speak aloud. "Some things never change."

When I turn around to face Jimin, I notice that his lips are indeed trembling. A d for just a moment, I wonder what he would do if I kissed those lips. Would he kiss me back?

Or would he push me away?

"But this hardly seems like the right time, " I realize to myself.

Yet I remember what Jin told me, about making it the right time, one way, or another.

"Why was it never me?" I ask softly.

To be truthful, I'm not even certain that I want to know the answer to this question.

"Why did you never notice me, or how much I loved you?"

He looks at me with an expression akin to shock. I watch as a myriad of emotions play across his face, twisting his features from one mood to the next. Relief, joy, sorrow, and anger, it's all there.

"I didn't know, " he croaks. "I was too afraid of losing you."

I furrow my hand out of his, and stand at a distance.

Safer for my heart this way, he still hasn't told me what I need to hear.

"I thought I was being clever, " he confesses softly, "in middle school, when I asked you for advice. I told you I liked some girl, and needed your help…"

His eyes shine with fresh tears.

"The truth was that I liked you, but I was too cowardly to say it. And the way you reacted led me to believe that you didn't like me in the same way. I was terrified of losing you, so I tried to forget. I turned around and got girlfriend after girlfriend, but none of them were ever more important than you."

"I've always had eyes for you Jimin, " I confess, dropping my head to stare at the ground.

I can't afford to look at Jimin right now, or I might lose all my nerve.

"Do you remember when I proposed to you?" He asks, and I whip my head up, tears stinging my cheeks as I regard him with wide eyes.

He remembers.

"How could I forget?" I gasp.

And as he throws his amrs around me once more, I feel like I have come home.

"I'm so sorry Oli, I'm sorry I made you wait so long. I'm sorry I made you so sad." He tells me, drying his tears as he holds me close.

"If you give me the chance, I won't ever let you be so sad again. Not because of me."

This time, he is the one to lean back, pulling at my chin so that I am forced to look at him.

"I mean it, " he nearly whispers.

"Prove it, " I demand, voice slightly harsher than anticipated, and thick with emotion.

His eyes dart to and for, searching mine for something. And I'm not sure if he finds what he is looking for, but as he leans forward, my eyes close of their own volition, waiting, hoping that this is the moment I've been dreaming of.

And when his lips finally touch mine, I feel as if I have died and gone to heaven.

The churning in my gut changes into something else, morphing as he presses his lips to mine. I don't know what to do with my hands, but my last vestiges of anxiety are dissipated as Jimin takes my hands, and wraps them around his waist.

His lips feel so soft, so patient at first, but now, as my fingers interlock with themselves behind his back, something else changes as well.

His hands, now free, find lodging against the sides of my face.

"It's beautiful, " I think, "that his hands are just the right size for my face."

The thought evokes fresh tears. I am overwhelmed with joy.

He becomes more insistent, more demanding, until the kiss becomes nearly punishing in intensity. I cling to Jimin for dear life, cherishing this feeling. I feel alive, and breathless. I feel as if I could achieve anything.

And more than anything, an ache begins to settle within me. I am somehow desperate for more, though I can't begin to fathom just how far I am truly willing to go.

It feels as if I am drowning under layers of restrained passion, and the force of it is overwhelming. But if I'm going to drown, I don't care. I allow it to consume me, will it to, even.

I stand on my toes, attempting to push closer, just a little closer. I nearly moan in satisfaction as Jimin grows even more ferocious.

He shifts, leaning forward to lift me up with a small grunt, and sets me down upon the back of the nearest bench. Our lips never separate, even once.

Not until my lungs burn, and my head is dizzy with the need for air. And if the look on Jimin's face is any indication, he too is breathless.

We stand in shared wonder, each speechless and more complete than ever before. I settle into Jimin's arms, sighing in contentment as they hold me extra tightly. I can't believe it's this easy, and I'm overjoyed that it feels as good as I thought it would.

"I don't have a whole lot to give you, " he announces softly, revealing his insecurities. "I'm not wealthy, I get angry and jealous at the drop of a hat, and we both know that I can be petty. I'm not always so great at noticing thing either, or thinking before I speak."

"You're rambling Jiminie, " I reply, snuggling deeper into his embrace. "I don't care. I love you just the way you are, annoying brat and all. I always have."

He chuckles softly, not even bothering to feign indignation.

"I love you, Olivia Shin. I'm sorry I made you wait so long, but won't you be mine?"

His body is tense, almost like he's still afraid that I'll say no. And if I pay attention, I notice that his hands, in particular, tremble ever so slightly.

"I've always been yours, " I tell him softly, hugging him so tightly that my arms ache. "And I always will be yours."

A peal of echoing laughter bubbles forth from his lips, and an exclamation of joy. He pulls even closer, and, under starlit sky, we embrace. It's one of those moments that seems to last forever, one that I wish would never end.

Thirty years from now, I'll still remember this moment with aching clarity, I simply know it.

There are only a handful of memories that stick with you forever, and this has to be one of them. I've waited so long to hear these words, to feel his touch, and right now, I feel as if I am floating, flying.

Exhilerated.

And under the moonlight, in the garden of Namjoon's family estate, we cling to each other greedily. I can't speak for Jimin, but the strength with which he holds me speaks for himself, as do the tremors that wrack his frame, and the way that every now and then, more laughter finds it's way from his throat.

I can't stop smiling, like an idiot I beam, cozied against Jimin's chest as I attempt to calm my racing heart and my triumphant emotions. I feel as if I could leap out of my skin at any moment, and transcend into another plane of existence entirely.