Baby, I Think I've Lost My Mind

Hear Your Voice On the Radio

The next few weeks of filming were absolute torture on my end. I had no idea how I was able to pull through without melting into a puddle of goo right at Grant’s feet and letting my hidden attraction be exposed to everyone, and that was something that I certainly didn’t want happening anytime soon.

Grant Gustin was in mind all day and all night. I just couldn’t get him out of my mind; and fuck, did I want him out of there. Just the thought of him had me distracted. While I was practicing with R5 or going over the moves for the Warblers' dance number, I always managed to fumble with the strings or stumble over my feet when a certain someone had found his way into my mind.

It was just fucking horrible and downright unfair. It wasn’t fair that Grant could just distract me with those gorgeous eyes of his; or his strong arms; or even, his legs that seemed to go on forever. Ugh, and his smile. Holy fucking mother of Go-

Riker. Get ahold of yourself! Fantasizing about Grant’s body will get you nowhere.

After a couple of weeks of knowing Grant, I finally came to the conclusion that I was attracted to that gorgeous motherfucker. I couldn’t deny it anymore. It was just the act of actually admitting it to the guy that seemed to be the problem.

Since I admitted to myself that I like liked Grant, I just needed to figure out if Ilike liked boys, and that didn’t seem so bad. I’ve never thought that any other guy was attractive before I met Grant Gustin. I’ve already been friends with Curt, Titus, and Dom way before I even set my eyes on “Mr. Tall, Toned, and Handsome” (a.k.a. Grant) and I’ve never found any of them as “dating” material; therefore, that must rule out my being just gay, right? Finding myself attracted to one guy doesn’t make me automatically gay. The only thing that sounds remotely close to my current sexuality would be bi-sexual. Eh, that’s close enough.

I wanted to tell someone—that wasn’t Grant—about my predicament so bad. It’s gotten to the point that I could just tell Grant about my attraction towards him, but I knew I wouldn’t even have the guts; and even if I did tell him that I liked him, I wouldn’t even know how he would react. That’s one other thing that has been bothering all this time ever since I realized that I was attracted to the man. It sucked that the only way I’ll even know was by asking the guy himself. Unless…

“Dom!”

“Hey, Riker!” Dominic greeted with the usual sweet smile gracing his lips. Oh, boy, was I glad to run into this guy on set. Call it perfect timing.

“Hey, so… I was wondering if you’d do me a little favor…” I asked, dragging out my words with a kind of sugary sweetness that was only reserved for asking favors, and this was a pretty big favor.

I watched as Dom’s eyes narrowed, probably in suspicion.

“What kind of favor?” He asked, which caused me to roll my eyes. Can this interrogation hurry up?

I heaved out a sigh and rolled my eyes. I quickly glanced around to make sure that none of the other Warblers were around, especially Grant; that would just ruin everything. I grabbed Dom’s arm, despite his protests, and tugged him to an area that was clear of any Warblers or Grants.

“Riker, what is it?” Dom let out a sigh of his own, but I could sense the annoyance, as he tapped his foot on the floor with an impatient rhythm.

It was then that I told him everything that I had been bothering me the past couple of weeks, including my attraction to the new guy and my early-twenties sexuality crisis. Dom was already out and one of my best friends, so it wouldn’t hurt to tell him everything I figured out.

“So what do you want me to do?” He cut in.

“I’m getting there, Dom. So since you’re like…friends with Grant, I was wondering if you could ask him about me. Like, what he thinks of me and stuff like that.”

“Okay, one thing, though. Why can’t you just talk to him?” Dom asked, raising his eyebrow at me like I should’ve thought of that in the first place. I know he’s trying to help me, but are you fucking serious?

Now, it was my turn to narrow my eyes in annoyance at my companion. “I can’t even think straight”—no pun intended—“when I’m around him, so how do you expect me to talk to him without acting like a blubbering mess?! I still don’t understand why I had to be attracted to him of all people. He’s making me act like a twelve-year-old girl, and- Why the hell are you laughing?!”

“It’s just…I…I’m just thinking about the rehearsal we all met Grant. God, you were just…just so cute…getting all red like that, haha!”

I let out an exasperated sigh, my arms crossed over my chest, as I tried to ignore the way my cheeks were starting to burn. I really didn’t want to think about that.

“Shut up! Are you gonna help me or not?” I hissed out at Dom, hoping that would shut him up. But I was wrong. He just kept going and going. It was like he was the energizer bunny on some kind of drug. I sighed heavily as I waited for him to calm down. “Are you done?”

“Okay, okay. I’ll help you, geez,” he managed to wheeze out.

“You’re a jerk, but thanks. You need to tell me ASAP what he thinks of me, okay? I just…I really need to know. I’m counting on you, Dom because whatever he says pretty much determines how the rest of my love life goes.” I bit my lip, giving myself a moment’s pause. “That didn’t sound too desperate, did it?”

“Oh, Riker, you’ve got it so bad, girl.”