Volume 1: II, chapter 8 (part 1)

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Stop

Brendon's under the covers with me, having propped himself on one elbow. He's gazing down at me, brown hair sticking out everywhere, looking warm and soft even if he's got angry bite marks on his neck.

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Weak morning light is coming in through the windows. From what I can see, we've made a mess of the room. He seems content nuzzling my collarbone, and I'm too tired to move.

Huh. This is nice.

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I didn't fuck him. Well done me.

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ignoring how this, the two of us in bed right now, pushed together, touching, feels a lot more significant than fucking.

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I told the guys I was done with Brendon, I told him as much, and most of all I told it to myself. And then I do this and don't regret it. I can't even bring myself to pretend that I do.

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Lazy morning kisses, unrushed sex, kind of like something you might do with a person you care about.

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Wait. Did I just agree to let him fuck me?

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I watch him go, and he winks at me from the doorway. I'm still on the bed, his taste in my mouth, my cock hard. My mind is foggy and clouded by his touch, but I'm slowly pulling the bits and pieces together.

Wait.

Did I just agree to let him fuck me?

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Maybe I could get used to waking up with him in my bed. The second that realisation dawns on me, it's harder to breathe. The second you want something, you risk losing it. I've stopped wanting anything. The second you let yourself have something. Someone. I can't do that.

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I just noticed that I've apologized for having chapters be super long before, but those ones we like a quarter of the previous chapter. I couldn't help myself I love the whole Jackie scene.

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