Summer's Child

Turn! Turn! Turn!

Hardy,

I'm sending you this because I know you want to go all detective and come looking for me. But you can't. It's not time. You have to make that valedictory speech. I wish I could have seen it. I'll tell you why I couldn't once I find a place to land and can send you more than a postcard.

I'm sorry I left right after..... It was selfish, but you let me be selfish with you. I'm grateful.

I love you,
Jilly

Three days. It had been three days since she took off, and nobody but him seemed to notice.

Some people noticed, they just didn't care.

Her mom knew, because Jillian took her money. And Will knew, because he asked Harry, snuck into the library to deliver a weak apology for letting Steven continue to ruin her reputation. Harry could feel his jaw squaring, his temples flaring, and his fist clenching.

He didn't hit him, which he regretted a moment later.

He wasn't sure if it was better of worse that he turned back on his way out, "She's ok, right?"

His mind hurt rather than his fist. He didn't hit him, because he was confused.He hadn't known. He'd missed it. He could be pissed at Will for waiting to ask after her, and for apologizing for Steven, but not for his own actions - he had to examine his own disconnect.

When he thought back to the day, prom day, and night, because he couldn't stop himself thinking of that though he couldn't let himself remember that without burning with shame and sadness, he realized he had missed so much.

Like, why did she want to get ready at his? He could come up with excuses, like the ones she had fed him, but, honestly, big clue. And the look on her face when she clocked the camaro. If he had been able to place the black muscle car maybe he could have guessed. She never liked her mom's boyfriends, they always put her on edge, but Dick had made her feel especially vulnerable. She'd basically moved in with Harry and his dad for a bit when Dick was around, well before Will, and slept at his even after. He should have asked!

He should have noticed.

Plus, she was clearly already having trouble with her mom. Jillian made comments occasionally about her indifference, or drinking. But the day of prom, she'd been more vicious and resolute. It was out of character. At least, it was those thoughts you let yourself have, but don't share with even your best friend. The ugly thoughts you pluck like weeds.

Had Harry not been so distracted by her flower decked hair and his dreams of her and white dresses and later by her flesh and the words coming from her lips, he would have figured it out. He should have listened to what she meant not what she said. Goodbye in an I love you.

He wants to be mad at her. For loving him like that only to abandon him. He can't be. He is fairly certain she would not have touched him if she was staying. Definitely wouldn't have told him all those feelings and coupled them with action, not just spoke love, but made love, if she was staying. She'd already told him, that didn't last. Was committed to that conviction. Harry was a greedy idiot. He should have known, she assumed that whatever they were, their forever platonic commitment, was already over, so she gave him what he dreamed of, a gift. She was a stellar gift giver.

He's not mad at her. Well, maybe a little. Mostly, he is forlorn.

He had been since the end of the first day. Up until then he'd been hopeful. Jillian shut down from time to time. Nobody knew that better than him, maybe nobody but him knew it. Usually, it was because the emotion was negative, but maybe she was freaking out because it was positive this time. It was still intense emotion, right?