ST4R

Hyangsu and the smells of sorrow

Pain is a gift

- This is Hansuke. He came from Japan and will be part of our group from now on.

Hiro said. The trainees were sitting in the training area, watching us.

- Ren introduced us to him this dawn and now he will be part of the Octagon group and family. Be kind to him.

- Welcome, Hansuke! - all the trainees said together.

Hansuke bowed. As soon as it was over, I started to move outside the octagon. Once outside, I took a cigarette out of my pocket, lighting it with a lighter, since Bruce wasn't close to lighting it for me. I brought the cigarette to my mouth. I swallowed it's smoke. I dropped it up.

- Hey!

The voice came from a distance away, Joon was coming towards me. When he reached me, he hugged me sideways.

- He looks cool! Hansuke.

- He is...

- You entered the dorm late today... It was almost dawn.

- 'Yeah.

- What did you do at dawn?

- Nothing.

- I understand.

I brought the cigarette to my mouth. I swallowed it's smoke. I dropped it up.

- Su ... - He began to curl his forefinger into my hair.

- Hm?

- Why don't you let me help you?

- That's none of your business.

- You can't do things alone...

- I'm not.

- But-

He coughed. I started to exhale a scent that would make him cough if he said something I didn't want to hear. He said no more, just put his arm over my shoulder and we were silent while I smoked. A cell phone sound was present.

- It's my parents. I'll answer, okay?

I did nothing, just let him out to answer the call. With that I got up. I Blew a thick green smoke in front of me, that when it collided with my face, I could see echoes after that, sounds and shadows from the past, three boys playing catch-up in that forest. I started walking in that direction when Joon's touch on my shoulder stopped me. The images and voices were gone.

- You did it again ...

- I did...

- Aren't you going to tell me what you do when these things happen?

- No need.

- Su...

- My cigarette is over... Let's get inside.

I advanced into the octagon. Dan was there at the door talking with Hansuke and Hiro.

- Woo! - Dan called - Come here.

I approached. And so did Joon.

- Hi, kids.

- Hi Joon!

- Hey.

- Nice to meet you, you must be Lim Byung-Joon.

- And you're Hansuke. The pleasure is all mine, and be welcome!

- Suki is arranging for us to train tomorrow.

- We don't train.

- But that's what makes a group so diverse! I want to train your specialties and discover your new talents... I bet you guys are better at other things too.

- Whatever.

- Su! You can show them the rap I wrote for you.

- Rap?

- Yes! Hyangsu knows how to rap very well, actually. I was teaching him...

- You're a great instructor, Joon.

- It was no big deal...

- Tomorrow we train then. OK?

I shrugged. I took another cigarette from my bag. I pointed it at Hansuke, who scowled.

- Light up? - I asked.

- Oh! Of course!

He made a gunshot with his fingers and pointed to the tip of the cigarette. A trickle of energy emerged from his fingertip and lit the cigarette.

- Thanks.

I brought the cigarette to my mouth. I swallowed it's smoke. I dropped it up.

- I'm going inside.

- Are you going to my dorm? - Joon asked.

- I don't know.

- I'll meet you after practice then!

I retreated, starting to walk the corridors of the Octagon with no right destination. I brought the cigarette to my mouth. I swallowed it's smoke. I dropped it up. At the time, I began to hear echoes, older memories coming to life. But my mother's voice in my mind silenced all echoes. "Your heart is your most valuable asset... Protect it from anything that tries to hurt you" I think I protected it too much.

I looked to the side. It was next to one of the dance training wings. Kayo and Ayako were there dancing. Kayo twisted her foot and dropped to the floor. Dying of pain.

Would I be jealous of that if I could? I don't know. I just know she was lucky not to have to lock up her feelings like I did... Feeling was for the strong ones, and that included the pain. Maybe if I felt something, that part of the story would be a little more interesting. But I can't. Not now. I have been keeping something deep inside me for a long time, and when I am ready to release all that I have stored, I will finally try live the way I used to again.

But until then.

I brought the cigarette to my mouth.

I swallowed it's smoke.

I dropped it up.

And a runaway tear runs from my left eye.